dumbshow | highly new, slightly improved open post

[...Ah. Well. That's the type of thoughtfulness that warrants a thank you—even Lalli is aware of this!—but he remembers how smug Emil was the last time he was thanked and promptly decides against that. Perhaps it's time to do that trying thing again...]

I am. Being here is better than being there.

[In a field, on a dream pier, wherever—it's true and he can admit it, probably because he doesn't have to look at Emil as he does so. That's probably something he should think about; instead, though, he tilts his head back without even thinking about it, scanning the sky for any sign of flying fish as he ponders other things.]

...Are you having a better time, too?

[Or should they be doing something else??]

We're asleep in a field.

[Like, just putting it in perspective. They could be asleep in Reynir's house— actually maybe not, because of the noise, so forget his sassy comments as usual. Emil smiles down at the water without thinking about it; Lalli having a good time- or at least an alright time- makes him smile! Good to know.

But ah, hi, Lalli-? Emil shifts just slightly, so they aren't banging their heads together. Is he having a better time? Well, now he is—]

I'm having... fun. [They're just sitting here, so "fun" seems like a lot-] I like spending time with you.

[He could, and probably should, lift his head back up, but nah; now it's his turn to watch the clouds, which are forming the weirdest shapes as they slowly drift by. That one almost looks like a... duck? Interesting! And, more importantly, distracting, because hearing Emil say that he likes spending time with him makes him feel so many weird things at once. Good weird! Not bad weird, but still, how in the world is he supposed to sort though all of it!!

Oh, right, here's the perfect plan: numb those feelings by thinking about the potentially bad stuff. Case in point—]

Even when we're not asleep?

[He shifts, slightly uncomfortable for no apparent reason, because he's, uh... he's done some Stuff that Emil DESERVED, and yet...]

[Oh, a duck cloud... neat. Emil watches the duck, shifting again when Lalli asks him that. Of course he can't help but think about all the admittedly crappy things Lalli has done while they're awake - the soup, snapping at him in nonsense Finnish that time with the flower, all those times - but, well, friendship is friendship, right? For sure.

Like, maybe a few months ago he would have turned his nose up at Lalli's bad behavior, but that was a few months ago. He was a totally different person then! And not so... attached.]

Uh... most of the time. [Urgh, he's cringing-] But I get it! All that- all that stuff happened, anybody would be upset!

[Ugh, this is terrible. He likes Lalli very much and that includes hauling his comatose body around while his soul or whatever calls him a useless, slow idiot, he supposes. Maybe his judgment is a little skewed.]

Look, Lalli— yes, plenty. You're great! Okay?

[Um, Emil? Don't pretend like you know what he has—and is still!—going through, and then try to... to tell him what he (secretly) wants to hear? That only makes Lalli want to shove a pointy elbow right back into the other boy's side, even though he somehow manages to keep his arms crossed as he glares up at the other clouds floating past them. Most of the time... hmph.]

No. [No, it's not okay, and he sighs.] You don't get anything, and you never will. You're too different.

[As bad as it sounds, that's a good thing! Emil hasn't had to deal with the same things that Lalli has been forced to deal with; he's free to smile as much as he pleases, and that makes Lalli both happy and sad, makes him want to shake Emil and pat him on his dumb head. Why is everything confusing where Emil is concerned? Ugh. He watches another, grayer cloud drift by before he slowly lifts his head.]

...I can't be like you.

[Stupid. Amusing. Warm. Normal? ...Great. Almost always great.]

[Boy, has this become a rollercoaster of emotions, whatever a rollercoaster equivalent is in post-apocalyptic hell world. Emil goes through plenty: surprised and annoyed at another no when he is trying so hard(!!), then a different kind of bothered when he apparently doesn't get it, wow, thanks— as usual, he winds up confused, like Lalli's had a whole conversation without including him for half of it and still expects him to have kept up.

Being Emil is actually very difficult, see! It's hard!]

Why would you have to be like me? [Would he even be friends with himself? There's a question for the ages.] I don't know what you want me to say!

[So, standard fare, but still.]

Edited (Quietly changes a thing bc i can't read when half asleep) 2018-12-02 15:25 (UTC)

[That Lalli is right? That he really doesn't get anything, but that he accepts that as Fact and will keep trying even when Lalli makes it difficult by doing stuff like this? It's nothing Emil hasn't said before! Some of it was said just a few short minutes ago, in fact, but Lalli—the expert communicator—grabs the bit of his cloak that isn't being used as a pillow and pulls it around his shoulders. HMPH.]

I don't know what you want me to do!

[In the waking world, that is, but if he was like Emil he'd just KNOW!! Duh!!! Anyway, arguing while sitting back-to-back is the most ridiculous thing imaginable, but these two... oh, these two...]

Do when? Now I don't know what you're talking about!

[What is going on! Somewhere in the 50 conversations Lalli had by himself and didn't include Emil on, he lost the thread of what they're even arguing about. What Lalli should do? Like, to be his friend...? This is stupid. So is arguing back-to-back, but Emil resists the urge to twist around and shake Lalli by the shoulders until he stops being so... like this.]

You don't have to do anything, I guess? I would have said something by now.

[He says, grumpily, but the soft sentiment is there.]

[You try, and you try, and you try, and somehow it's not enough! Somehow it backfires entirely and things get complicated... ugh, but he should have just kept his mouth shut...]

...Psh.

[Well, obviously he's learned his lesson now. What's the point in trying to tell Emil that "I would have said something by now" only means "I haven't said anything yet, but I will?" People always do! But that... would only make things even louder, even more confusing, so Lalli opts for sullen silence instead.]

[That's not what that means at all, you little brat. He'd actually have to shake Lalli for that one, so it's good that he doesn't say it, on some level. It's not good that they're just mad at each other now, especially here when they have the ability to actually work it out with their grown up words— ugh!

Emil is quiet for a long moment, telling himself to calm down before he says something pissy and mean on purpose. Hmph.]

...I wish you wouldn't shut me out like that. [Hmm, that sounds a little... well, too late now, he's already said it.] I'm sorry?

["I wish you wouldn't shut me out," he says, after Lalli just tried to let him in when it's really none of his business at ALL! At least, that's how Lalli sees it, which is why he's not quite sure why hearing a well-earned apology makes him feel oddly guilty for the second time today. He should be annoyed! He is annoyed, but... hrnnnnnngh. Is this where a good friend would apologize... back?

...Probably, but Lalli, a paragon of maturity, watches the water instead... and then studies the planks below him... and then finally looks back up at the sky, careful not to tilt his head back as far as he did before. A part of him just wants to go back to that comfortable, okay-ish mood they had going on when they first showed up here, but he's still feeling some kind of way, so, after letting out a huff—]

Don't be stupid.

[In general, he means. Or he thinks he means? Because as soon as he says it in that quiet, matter-of-fact way, he knows that what he almost-kind-of-really means is, "You don't have to apologize."]

[Goddamn it, Lalli. Emil scoffs and leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees, not pulling way so much that they're not touching at all, but decidedly not as comfortable as before, sorry babe. Now they're both in a mood.]

Oh, please. It's not like I have a-- a manual or something for how to make friends.

[You're not the only person who sucks at this, Lalli!! Emil just sucks in different ways.]

[Oh! My God! Lalli dips back a bit before (thankfully) catching himself with a hiss, because seriously, when someone is relying on your shoulder to be there, you can't make a move like that without giving them a little warning! That's rude.

Anyway, Emil, what did Lalli just tell you?? A manual for making friends... pfft...]

But you get along with everyone, [he snips back like it's the most obvious thing in the world, following Emil's lead and also leaning forward. Emil is... likable? Duh? And he can actually communicate with the others, but Lalli is 99% sure that it really comes down to Emil just. Pushing his way into everyone's bubble as easily as he pushed his way into Lalli's. He's not even thinking about the lady in Emil's dream; he's only thinking about the here and the now. The squad...]

Uhhh— what?

[No, for real, where is that coming from? That's almost out of left field and also objectively wrong enough to get Emil to turn around and look at Lalli, but only almost. Remember when he punched Reynir in the face? Or all the times Sigrun yelled at him?? And when Mikkel tormented him with fake face diseases?!

Maybe a little less that last one, but please— and those are just the things Lalli actually was around for. This guy, talking like he knows everything, psh...]

Well sorry to disappoint you, but I don't get along with everyone. Half the time everyone is just ignoring me until they need me to do something for them, anyway.

[This is more like maybe a fifth of the time, and only when Sigrun forces him onto babysitting duty, but #emil.]

[Does Reynir even count, though? Seriously. Anyway, though: Emil may be orbiting around the crew, but he's not out in deep, deep space like Lalli feels like he is. Yeah, Sigrun yells at Emil... but then she does that stupid punching thing that means things are still okay. And they can talk! Lalli is just, you know, mainly there to scout and to sense monsters and to watch everything from afar, and that's fine, but now that Tuuri isn't around to translate and smooth things over—well. Even if they don't seem to mind him these days—even if they were happy to see him return with Emil—who's to say that won't change?

But of course he's not going to explain any of that.]

They like you! You— [Ugh, WORDS! Give him a second, please, before he finally balls up his fists and spits out:] You fit.

[Like, fit... in? Better than he does, anyway.]

[Oh. Oh, he hears it now-- it finally slots into place, and it... kind of makes him sad? He's never thought of any of them not fitting except maybe Reynir, and even Reynir's annoying, useless, ugly hair self kind of has his place. To hear Lalli be this upset about Emil fitting - because the obvious implication is that he doesn't, in turn - just... makes him feel sad!!

So now he actually turns, twisting halfway around to lean a little and try to sneak a glimpse of Lalli's face. Hey. Look at him. Hey!!]

I like you. [Ah, wait, that's true but it's not the point he wanted to make--] So does everyone else! Sigrun is always talking about how good you are at your, you know, stuff.

[Purposely turning his head even further to the side is petty and childish, so of course that's what he does the very second he feels Emil shifting around behind him. No looking allowed!! It would just make things... weird.

Or, uh, weirder, because he's fully aware that he's already dug himself a nice little hole here. He wants Emil to understand, but he doesn't want to explain, because... well, how is he supposed to explain? "Sigrun tells you that I do a good job because it's true, but you're the only one who learned how to say it in Finnish just so you could tell me." That's a... that's a good friend move right there. It's why he likes Emil, so being mad at him like this is—]

Mmph.

[He's reaching his word limit, but—hey, his shoulders relax the slightest bit, and his fists slowly unclench as he takes more time to think. Five, four, three, two, one...]

...Scouting. [Okay, now he chances a glance over at Emil. A quick one.] Not stuff.

[It's kind of like their earlier language lessons? And he doesn't sound straight-up pissy any longer, so... progress.]

[...Well, at least he doesn't sound super mad anymore, Emil supposes. The thing is-- he already knows that he's the one who makes the effort on their team when it comes to Lalli. He figured it out all on his own, but somehow that isn't occurring to him right at this moment. The way the others don't bother with Lalli the way he does seems like a problem they have, not a result of something Lalli has done-- that's the only way Emil sees it, and so the thing Lalli can't explain doesn't occur to him in exactly the same way.

Very good at communication, boys.]

Scouting, right, right. And your... mage things.

[He's a whole believer now, although he was maybe kinda sorta strongarmed into it thanks to Circumstances.]

For what it's worth, I think you're very impressive! [And only his opinion matters, so!]

[Soothing him with compliments is the best, please continue. Plus, after everything they've been through the past... however long it's been, he knows that Emil isn't just saying that. Nice. Nice, nice, nice. He wants everyone to think that he's the (most) best, of course, but there's a part of him that really does put Emil's opinion slightly higher than the rest. Hmm!

But okay, okay, what would a good friend tell their good friend...]

I know. [Like, he Knows that Emil Knows, but also—] You're... good at what you do, too.

[Burning stuff, even though Lalli may or may not still be inside, and... carrying his cumbersome body around when it would have made more sense to just leave it behind. Ugh. Still, though, he's only able to last a second before he shoots Emil one of his patented Looks™.]

But don't be weird about it!

[He could have thrown in a line or two about your weak-ass brain, Emil! Just accept this gift that you have been given without gloating!!!]

Edited 2018-12-03 01:11 (UTC)

[Ooh, a whole compliment! Emil doesn't make it weird, unless beaming at Lalli is making it weird-- he won't talk about it, how's that? He'll only give Lalli his winning smile(tm) and hold up his hands, waving them a little to signify that he's not going to say anything too Weird.

Still, he's absolutely delighted that Lalli has complimented him at long last... first a whole thank you, now this... Truly, everything is coming up Emil. He looks down at the dock and keeps making this same dopey face for a bit longer, before he has judged himself able to speak without breaking the Weird Rule.]

I'm not going to be weird, but— thank you.

[Ah, the mood feels much better now... He kind of wants to go back to how close they were before, but how do you ask your very good friend who has picky physical contact preferences to come sit all close to you... He doesn't know!!]

[Oh, beaming like that is definitely weird; it's why Lalli promptly looks away, halfheartedly scowling at the nearby trees as he wonders why his chest suddenly tightened up for absolutely no reason at all. He's just been sitting in one place? What the fuck? But they've been over this thank-you thing before, so even though he doesn't really want to say anything for fear of, like, ruining this... whatever it is, he still grumbles a quiet:]

Y-You're welcome.

[Saying it a second time in a second dream is strange, but Emil will like it and he supposes that's what really matters. For now, anyway. But he also supposes that it might earn him another megawatt smile, so he gently—gently!!—elbows Emil in the back.]

Turn back around now.

[For privacy! Gosh!]

[Oh good, Lalli has the whole seating arrangement thing covered for him, he... assumes? That's what it seems like, and while he doesn't say anything else before he turns back around, he is definitely still making that face. Any positive development with Lalli just makes him feel, uh... warm? That's probably the best word for it.

Anyway, he's turned, there he goes.]

If I'm going to stare off in this direction again, you have to keep talking to me!

[That's the rule!!]

[Thanks for turning around, Emil, but Lalli isn't completely sure if he wants to lean against your back again? Okay, no—he's pretty sure that he does, but he isn't sure what the best way to go about it is at this point in time. Does he slowly inch backwards? Does he try the nonchalant fall once again? It was easier when he could just pretend that it was because he won the quiet game...

So for now he's just there! Taking his sweet, sweet time as he stretches his legs out in front of him and gives his feet a very flat look. Talking... after he's already done so much? He needs a nap to escape from this nap.]

Why? I don't have anything to say.

[Well, it's true.]

Lalli, come on.

[Don't be like that. Have a conversation with Emil, your very best friend in the whole world. He's still too happy about the one whole compliment to take offense at Lalli's blunt attitude this time.

Still, he can't just stare out at dream water and dream clouds for too long before he starts getting antsy. Taaalk to hiiim... it makes him haaappy...]

Why don't you tell me something else about blueberries, or something? Anything!

Mmm...

[Ah, yes, the time he went picking his least favorite berry. He could tell Emil more Tuuri tales, or try to think of a scouting adventure that reinforces how good he is, but... hmm.]

One time I was stuck in a ship, and someone asked me to play chess with them. They wouldn't leave me alone. [Wait for it, wait for it—] I won more games than they did.

[Smug Lalli is back, baybee, and he tries to picture Emil's face as he leans right back against him.]

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that icon is banned

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