dumbshow | highly new, slightly improved open post

[Ooh, a whole compliment! Emil doesn't make it weird, unless beaming at Lalli is making it weird-- he won't talk about it, how's that? He'll only give Lalli his winning smile(tm) and hold up his hands, waving them a little to signify that he's not going to say anything too Weird.

Still, he's absolutely delighted that Lalli has complimented him at long last... first a whole thank you, now this... Truly, everything is coming up Emil. He looks down at the dock and keeps making this same dopey face for a bit longer, before he has judged himself able to speak without breaking the Weird Rule.]

I'm not going to be weird, but— thank you.

[Ah, the mood feels much better now... He kind of wants to go back to how close they were before, but how do you ask your very good friend who has picky physical contact preferences to come sit all close to you... He doesn't know!!]

[Oh, beaming like that is definitely weird; it's why Lalli promptly looks away, halfheartedly scowling at the nearby trees as he wonders why his chest suddenly tightened up for absolutely no reason at all. He's just been sitting in one place? What the fuck? But they've been over this thank-you thing before, so even though he doesn't really want to say anything for fear of, like, ruining this... whatever it is, he still grumbles a quiet:]

Y-You're welcome.

[Saying it a second time in a second dream is strange, but Emil will like it and he supposes that's what really matters. For now, anyway. But he also supposes that it might earn him another megawatt smile, so he gently—gently!!—elbows Emil in the back.]

Turn back around now.

[For privacy! Gosh!]

[Oh good, Lalli has the whole seating arrangement thing covered for him, he... assumes? That's what it seems like, and while he doesn't say anything else before he turns back around, he is definitely still making that face. Any positive development with Lalli just makes him feel, uh... warm? That's probably the best word for it.

Anyway, he's turned, there he goes.]

If I'm going to stare off in this direction again, you have to keep talking to me!

[That's the rule!!]

[Thanks for turning around, Emil, but Lalli isn't completely sure if he wants to lean against your back again? Okay, no—he's pretty sure that he does, but he isn't sure what the best way to go about it is at this point in time. Does he slowly inch backwards? Does he try the nonchalant fall once again? It was easier when he could just pretend that it was because he won the quiet game...

So for now he's just there! Taking his sweet, sweet time as he stretches his legs out in front of him and gives his feet a very flat look. Talking... after he's already done so much? He needs a nap to escape from this nap.]

Why? I don't have anything to say.

[Well, it's true.]

Lalli, come on.

[Don't be like that. Have a conversation with Emil, your very best friend in the whole world. He's still too happy about the one whole compliment to take offense at Lalli's blunt attitude this time.

Still, he can't just stare out at dream water and dream clouds for too long before he starts getting antsy. Taaalk to hiiim... it makes him haaappy...]

Why don't you tell me something else about blueberries, or something? Anything!

Mmm...

[Ah, yes, the time he went picking his least favorite berry. He could tell Emil more Tuuri tales, or try to think of a scouting adventure that reinforces how good he is, but... hmm.]

One time I was stuck in a ship, and someone asked me to play chess with them. They wouldn't leave me alone. [Wait for it, wait for it—] I won more games than they did.

[Smug Lalli is back, baybee, and he tries to picture Emil's face as he leans right back against him.]

[Hey uhhh what the hell, Lalli?? This is rude. It takes Emil, like, just a little too long to realize this is about him, because he's Emil, and then instantly his jimmies are sufficiently rustled.

What the hell!! Only Lalli leaning against him again saves Lalli from getting the full brunt of Emil's whiny face. Ugh!]

Wow, okay, so that's how it's going to be. It isn't my fault— it's hard to play chess like that!

[Lalli literally taped forks together and used them to move the little pieces around, yet he still managed to win? Your argument is invalid, Emil. You know it. Lalli definitely knows it, which is why it is such a good thing that Emil can't see his face. Winning or losing that stupid game didn't matter then, but now!! Now it's making him smile the tiniest bit.]

No it's not. You just weren't good at guessing what I would do.

[He's just sayin'. Anyway, he did his duty; now he can sit here in peace, yes?]

I— hmmmm.

[He almost says I can't read your mind, but considering where they are, that's... he's not even really sure, but something about it seems wrong on a technicality, at least. Lalli is a jerk, but he's Emil's jerk, so.

Fine! Jerk wins. Emil sighs, but the flustered tension goes out of him for the most part, so he can finally Relax.]

Alright, whatever. ...When we have to go back to the house, I'll write some more words down for you to learn, if you like. But only in Swedish because I do not care about Icelandic at all.

[Maybe he'll teach him to talk shit.]

[If he likes... pfft. He makes a face up at the sky, because staring at vocab sheets is not how he prefers to spend his waking hours. ...Then again, though, every word he says correctly usually earns him one of those smiles, and while he's still not sure how to feel about the way said smiles make him feel...]

...No Icelandic, [he repeats, thinking about Reynir, and Reynir's loud family, and his non-Icelandic friend.] Only useful words.

[So what how many useful words does he actually end up learning during the next few vocab sessions? A good amount, probably—after all, Emil knows better than to push things too far—but he also learns to say things like "hairdresser" and "more cake" and "annoying, pushy loudmouth." Only the last phrase gets plenty of use.

Lalli, however, does not have Tuuri's fondness for learning, nor does he have her confidence; learning how to properly pronounce new words takes time, and that's... well, it's not surprising, but it is more frustrating than he'd like to admit. He wants more smiles! More shoulder pats! And yes, learning a new language is good in its own right, especially if he's going to stay with this team of non-Finns, but that's not what he's thinking about when he's trying to memorize new term after new term. That's not what he's thinking about at all.

Which is—big surprise—also frustrating! People have smiled at him before, and it's... an okay thing, he supposes. It's better than people frowning at him when they think he's messed something up, but he's never cared one way or another—until Emil. Emil smiles and Lalli's chest tightens? His stomach twists? He wants to simultaneously turn away and stay right where he is for as long as he possibly can? It's very weird, okay, and it should be very bad, but the more it happens to him, the more he realizes that he doesn't really mind it; he just wishes that he could understand it.

So he tries! He truly, honestly tries... in his spare time, of course; he doesn't want to postpone any important vocab lessons, but when Emil is off doing... other Emil things, Lalli slips out of the house to run through the strange country that is unlike anything he's used to. At least it's easy to avoid people, even if it's not always easy to avoid sheep. He can deal with them as he jumps over rocks and ducks under trees and pictures Emil's dumb face.

And he's still thinking about Emil's dumb face as he sprints back to Reynir's house... and almost runs into Emil himself. Oh! Well. Scouts should never be caught unaware like this, but as he skids to a stop, he's too shocked to offer Emil anything other than a:]

Ah—

[Aaaaaand there it is: a sudden flash of shame as he blinks back at his good, good friend. Hi. Hello. It's good to see you, Emil, but please pretend like you didn't just catch him being anything other than the perfectly prepared scout? And please don't mind the mess that is his hair. Twigs and low-hanging bird nests... when you're not wearing a hood, what can you really do...]

[Vocabulary lessons are not Emil's strong suit just as much as sitting patiently to learn words isn't Lalli's-- so if most of these lessons wind up just being the two of them sitting around mangling words back and forth at each other with lots of gesturing, that's just how these things go. Emil doesn't mind it, and they make good enough progress anyway, and it's as good an excuse as any to wander off alone with Lalli and insist no one else bother them because they are very busy, thank you, no thanks Icelandic people, your company is not necessary.

Being off on their own is the point, ultimately, Emil finds. Sure, Mikkel and Sigrun are alright, and he has a decent time chatting with them every now and then, but Reynir's family is far too loud and he doesn't care for them at all. It's Lalli he actually wants to spend his time with, and even if his command of the Finnish language is still absolutely atrocious and his Swedish education skills are mediocre at best, at least they get to be alone together.

But not all the time. Every waking hour (and non-waking, whenever that happens, as it seems to at random) together would be too much, so when Sigrun ropes him into helping her do... something... Emil gives Lalli an apologetic smile and tells him in half-competent Finnish that he'll see him later. Even by the end of his wild afternoon with Sigrun he has no idea what they were actually doing, but it involved Mikkel and rolling a bunch of logs back and forth behind Reynir's house while Sigrun chattered about wanting to build about five different things.

So: useless, and it leaves Emil tired and a little ornery, so he slips out of sight of everyone to sneak around to the other side of the house and just relax— which is when Lalli nearly crashes into him, and Emil startles and blinks back at him for a moment. Uh--]

Lalli! There you are! [He already has his hands raised without thinking about it, ready to pluck twigs out of Lalli's hair, but something about his expression makes him pause.] Are you alright?

[He's kind enough to ask; even though they're completely safe from trolls and beasts here, he can't help but fret. Then he works his hair magic, brushing out twigs and leaves and other miscellany before he combs his fingers through Lalli's hair to put it back in some kind of order.]

Look at you, you look like you got in a fight with the forest.

[Ah, but he's endeared, and there's one of those smiles again. Right on cue.]

[Psh! He's perfectly fine, thank you, and also perfectly in control of everything, which is why he raises a hand to brush away Emil's. He can do this by himself! Alone. In his room. If he doesn't, uh, totally forget about it after taking a nap. Anyway, how does one say "I don't need" in Swedish... he remembers "hairdresser," but—

But. Something about the way Emil just up and smiles at him while fiddling with his hair causes his brain to short-circuit, and all of his Swedish words—hell, all of his Finnish words—slip right out of reach. What was he trying to say? What was he about to do? His hand is still reaching for the one smoothing down his hair, but he doesn't wave it away; instead, he catches Emil's wrist and curls his his fingers around it, all while keeping his wide eyes fixed on Emil's stupid, stupid face. Always fussing over him, always smiling at him, always making him feel the weirdest things...

Look, Lalli wasn't raised in an affectionate environment, but he knows what affection is; he's just never really felt the desire to show it. It normally seems so... pointless? Awkward, too, and yet tugging Emil's hand closer to his face, silently studying it for a moment before pressing his lips against Emil's palm—it almost feels natural. Definitely not something he'd do if he was Thinking, probably something that isn't simply a good friend thing to do, but hey, in the moment it seems like a thank-you and a stop-that all at once. Perfect.]

[Lalli not saying anything while Emil babbles on and fusses with his hair is nothing new, it's standard, but actually taking hold of his wrist instead of nudging him away or just ducking under his arms is very new and different. Emil trails of whatever nonsense he's been going on about, maybe a fun story about how Mikkel rolled a log over his foot and so is the worst person ever until tomorrow-- Lalli is doing something with his hand and that's kind of taking all of his mental faculties to process.

And not really very well, either.

He says,] What? You know—

[And whatever it is that Lalli supposedly knows will never be revealed because Lalli puts his mouth on Emil's hand and Emil can feel his brain, like, boil instantly. That is undeniably kissing his hand, Lalli is kissing his hand and suddenly he can't think of anything at all besides that, lips against his skin, warm and solid and really definitely happening--

He's holding a twig in his other hand still and snaps it, which genuinely startles him out of whatever spell the not-a-good-friend-thing palm kissing has him under, and he still doesn't have... words. But Emil can't keep his emotions off his face so he's already wide-eyed and slowly turning crimson, ah... help.]

Ah- [ahem] Um-- Lalli?

[As startling as snapping a stick in half is, it's hearing Emil say his name that ultimately causes things to fall back into place for Lalli. ...Well, crash back into place. One second he's calm, almost... detached as he wonders if people like kissing other people because they feel a pleasant jolt every single time; the next second, however, his eyes jerk over to Emil's strangely red face, and he suddenly realizes what he's holding, what his lips are touching, and he immediately tenses. Ah? Ah. ...Ah. This is... not good.

Not good at all, because he's messed up, hasn't he? He just did something phenomenally stupid, and now his one friend is looking at him like it's the first time he's ever seen him before. Uggggh. He blinks back at Emil for a few heartbeats longer, gradually lowering that hand before his frazzled brain tells him to just, like, chuck it right back at its rightful owner. Here! Take it! He's sorry! In fact, he even opens his mouth to actually say as much, but snaps it closed once more as the worry, the fear begins building up within him.]

[Cool, cool cool cool, so glad this happened while they're awake and unable to talk to each other for more than a few choppy words at a time. That's excellent. Emil is about to say something else or at least try to say something else, maybe just awkwardly make some more nonsense noises, when Lalli flings his own hand at him and looks, um, terrified?

Ah, no, that isn't good, but what is he supposed to say? "Please feel free to kiss my hand at your leisure"?? That's too much! Clearly there is nothing else he could possibly say right now but that. He holds his hands up like he's just going to go right back to fixing his hair, like nobody ever kissed anybody for no apparent reason, but for the first time in history he thinks beforehand that maybe that wouldn't be appreciated right now and just sort of hoverhands there.]

Uh— you still have leaves in your hair.

[Perfect, 10/10. He's trying to get his face to calm down, an effort that makes him look... dumb, honestly. Just dumb.]

[Lalli can't help but to take a small step back, because man, his fight-or-flight instinct really kicks in hard when Emil decides to go for even more hairdressing action. He kissed—kissed!—Emil's hand, and Emil is just... okay with it? Pretending to be okay with it? Emil doesn't seem angry, it's true, but he's not beaming, either; he simply looks... okay, well, if Lalli is being completely honest with himself, Emil looks almost as silly as he feels right about now. But what does that mean??? What should he do???

Well, he could run! He could run upstairs and hide under his bed, because that's the mature, responsible thing to do here, or he could let Emil fuss with his hair as he pretends like nothing ever happened, or he could glare at Emil and try to convince himself that the kiss was entirely his fault. He could join a herd of sheep? He could kiss Emil's hand again and see if that makes things better or—no, no, absolutely not, even though his heart flips at the thought and he has to glance off to the side. Stupid.

In the end, he settles for remaining just out of reach of Emil's hands as he, too, tries to force his face to settle into a more natural... state. Emil carried him for miles and miles and miles; even if he just sabotaged their entire friendship, Lalli knows that he should once again give that trying thing a shot. One last time. Deep breath!!]

I— [He makes a low noise in his throat, like forcing himself to speak is painful, before he manages to spit out, in Finnish:] Y-Your hand.

[The one his eyes flick right over to? The one he, you know. Smooched.]

[Okay, so skipping the part where they have to talk about this isn't working. Emil's expression, dopey as it is, falters; he doesn't want this to be a... a thing, at least not a thing that makes Lalli this upset. Sure, Lalli went and did this himself, Emil didn't do anything!!—but he's not heartless and it doesn't make him happy at all to see Lalli more or less freaking out.

Plus, well, uh, hmm. Nobody's ever kissed his hand before, let alone someone he likes very much...

It takes a moment before he pulls his hands back and sighs, struggling to think of something remotely useful to say. He knows these Finnish words, so.]

Nnnnh-- look. Let's-- let's go somewhere!

[Somewhere without sheep and noisy hosts just a few yards away! Will that help? Emil thinks it will help. He hesitates for a split second before holding his other, non-smooched hand out. You know, to avoid additional trauma. Hold his dang hand and come with him, Lalli.]

[Lalli is... he's doing his best, Emil!! You spend nineteen years thinking you don't need friends, and then you finally get one and you realize he's way more important to you than you ever thought he could be—so important, in fact, that you kiss him without even thinking about it. That's some stomach-flipping stuff right there.

But okay, okay! A hand is being held out to for him to take, and that's...!! This isn't like it was when he grabbed Emil's wrist; now he's Thinking again, and as he stares down at that hand he's Thinking about, like, too much contact, and something preventing him from bolting away from a conversation that's too much to handle. But if he doesn't take it... what will Emil think...

(That he doesn't want to try to fix anything. And besides, isn't there a part of him that kind of wants to hold Emil's hand again?)]

Mmph...

[So it's back to no words, but even as Lalli presses his lips into a thin line, he still reaches out and slowly, hesitantly, places the tips of his fingers in the other boy's hand. Just grab him and go before he changes his mind.]

[He just wants! To hold hands! That's now safe to admit, now that Lalli has opened this can of worms with something as wild as kissing hands. Holding hands is nothing!

And that is what Emil will keep telling himself before he chickens out. He has to keep it together, for both their sake...!!

So, yes, the moment he gets the slightest touch he takes the plunge, taking hold of Lalli's hand and tugging him forward. He's just going to pick a random direction and go, so get ready to experience Emil's scouting ability this time (it's terrible). At least he makes the effort to look back at him and Smile(tm) encouragingly, after a couple paces. It's fine, see!!

Anyway the spot he comes up with is going to suck, but of course it is, this is Emil.]

—Well, this is better than being stuck with the others, isn't it? [yeah!! good enough!!]

[Today is just chock full of new and exciting things, apparently. For example: holding hands. Whew. Emil breezes right along, seemingly picking the worst path imaginable, but even Lalli can't frown too deeply as they hit mud puddle after mud puddle. He's too uncertain about, uh, everything else? And too aware of someone else's fingers wrapped around his. Emil touching him like this is... well...

...He feels strangely warm, especially when he glances over at Emil just in time to catch that smile. Right in the chest—!! It's somehow nice to know that these things haven't changed, even though the sinking sensation in his stomach when they come to a stop reminds him that it could. It might. Hrnngh.

Anyway, let him thoroughly check out their so he doesn't have to a) look at Emil quite yet, b) fret about Emil's purpose for bringing him here, and/or c) wonder how long their hands are going to stay like this. Better? Uh. Hmm. He tilts his head, taking a second as he wills himself to speak.]

It's... quieter.

[Listen: He Is Doing His Best.]

[Look, awkwardly skirting around mud puddles is worth the effort when you get to hold hands. That's something Emil decided just now, when he finally stops panicking (so much) about Lalli kissing hands and settles instead on how nice it is to hold hands. He is kind of a handsy person, surprise surprise, so obviously he's invested in this.

But that's as far as he's gotten, because he didn't form a plan besides "get the hell away from the merest possibility that someone will come outside and say something about a meal and ruin it." It's very likely that no one was going to come outside to talk to them at all, but!! Here they are now.

At least he got a whole sentence out of Lalli, even if it's only two words. Progress.]

Well! Alright! [......] I'll be honest, I didn't think this far.

[Let him try some bumbling Finnish:] What now?

[yes perfect lalli loves talking about feelings]

[Lalli studies a particularly interesting rock before slowly shifting his gaze back over to Emil, because what now, indeed. They stand here silently holding hands? Or should he, like, pull his hand away at some point? What are the rules of super friendly hand-holding...

So yes, Lalli is still nervous about fifty things at once, but his expression shifts from one of confusion to one that is slightly... flat. It is an expression that is one step closer to the one Emil should be used to receiving on a daily basis.]

...

[The silence is Finnish for "I have no clue."]

[Coooool... Thanks for the help, buddy. Emil looks at him, expectantly for some reason, like he earnestly thinks Lalli is going to be more ahead of the game than he is here. He's figuring it out, don't worry.]

Okay, okay-- [He waves his other hand a little, like, never mind. New... attempt. Just standing here holding hands and not talking sounds kind of good right about now, actually, all things considered.]

Uhhh... [They should just go to sleep, it would be easier!! But he'll continue with his mediocre Finnish, for Lalli's sake.] You're... good. This is good?

["This"]

[You kiss a boy's hand once and he just assumes that you know what you're doing! Jeez!! As much as Lalli usually appreciates silence, it's somewhat of a relief for Emil to finally say something again... even if it's, you know, only to ask about this. The... current state of their hands?

...Hmm. Lalli lowers his chin a bit, flexing the fingers of the hand that Emil is currently holding captive. Here's the truth: he doesn't mind it, but the longer they stay like this, the more he realizes that he would mind it—and very much so!—if the person holding his hand was anyone but Emil. He is the exception to almost everything.

Saying that it's okay, however, is too tough; it's why Lalli slowly nods instead, just once, and then hesitantly looks back up at Emil as he cants his head to the side. Is "this" good for him, too? This, and... maybe that...]

[He'd like some help navigating the terrifying and complex world of Kissing and Holding Hands, that's all!! Don't leave him here to drown!! Talk about- or vaguely gesture about- this. Please and thank you.

It's a very long silence, it feels like, while Lalli wiggles his hand and thinks; Emil is about ready to burst from trying to keep it together, so it's all he can do to chew his lip and stare down at the nearest mud puddle while Lalli considers. He glances back to him when he spots a movement, and oh! Nodding! Approval!

...Okay! Even a single nod can ease the tension that's built up in his chest instantly, wow— he hadn't even realized just how much he was apparently banking on Lalli being Good With This.]

Oh-- I'm good! [yeAH!!!]

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