dumbshow | highly new, slightly improved open post

[As startling as snapping a stick in half is, it's hearing Emil say his name that ultimately causes things to fall back into place for Lalli. ...Well, crash back into place. One second he's calm, almost... detached as he wonders if people like kissing other people because they feel a pleasant jolt every single time; the next second, however, his eyes jerk over to Emil's strangely red face, and he suddenly realizes what he's holding, what his lips are touching, and he immediately tenses. Ah? Ah. ...Ah. This is... not good.

Not good at all, because he's messed up, hasn't he? He just did something phenomenally stupid, and now his one friend is looking at him like it's the first time he's ever seen him before. Uggggh. He blinks back at Emil for a few heartbeats longer, gradually lowering that hand before his frazzled brain tells him to just, like, chuck it right back at its rightful owner. Here! Take it! He's sorry! In fact, he even opens his mouth to actually say as much, but snaps it closed once more as the worry, the fear begins building up within him.]

[Cool, cool cool cool, so glad this happened while they're awake and unable to talk to each other for more than a few choppy words at a time. That's excellent. Emil is about to say something else or at least try to say something else, maybe just awkwardly make some more nonsense noises, when Lalli flings his own hand at him and looks, um, terrified?

Ah, no, that isn't good, but what is he supposed to say? "Please feel free to kiss my hand at your leisure"?? That's too much! Clearly there is nothing else he could possibly say right now but that. He holds his hands up like he's just going to go right back to fixing his hair, like nobody ever kissed anybody for no apparent reason, but for the first time in history he thinks beforehand that maybe that wouldn't be appreciated right now and just sort of hoverhands there.]

Uh— you still have leaves in your hair.

[Perfect, 10/10. He's trying to get his face to calm down, an effort that makes him look... dumb, honestly. Just dumb.]

[Lalli can't help but to take a small step back, because man, his fight-or-flight instinct really kicks in hard when Emil decides to go for even more hairdressing action. He kissed—kissed!—Emil's hand, and Emil is just... okay with it? Pretending to be okay with it? Emil doesn't seem angry, it's true, but he's not beaming, either; he simply looks... okay, well, if Lalli is being completely honest with himself, Emil looks almost as silly as he feels right about now. But what does that mean??? What should he do???

Well, he could run! He could run upstairs and hide under his bed, because that's the mature, responsible thing to do here, or he could let Emil fuss with his hair as he pretends like nothing ever happened, or he could glare at Emil and try to convince himself that the kiss was entirely his fault. He could join a herd of sheep? He could kiss Emil's hand again and see if that makes things better or—no, no, absolutely not, even though his heart flips at the thought and he has to glance off to the side. Stupid.

In the end, he settles for remaining just out of reach of Emil's hands as he, too, tries to force his face to settle into a more natural... state. Emil carried him for miles and miles and miles; even if he just sabotaged their entire friendship, Lalli knows that he should once again give that trying thing a shot. One last time. Deep breath!!]

I— [He makes a low noise in his throat, like forcing himself to speak is painful, before he manages to spit out, in Finnish:] Y-Your hand.

[The one his eyes flick right over to? The one he, you know. Smooched.]

[Okay, so skipping the part where they have to talk about this isn't working. Emil's expression, dopey as it is, falters; he doesn't want this to be a... a thing, at least not a thing that makes Lalli this upset. Sure, Lalli went and did this himself, Emil didn't do anything!!—but he's not heartless and it doesn't make him happy at all to see Lalli more or less freaking out.

Plus, well, uh, hmm. Nobody's ever kissed his hand before, let alone someone he likes very much...

It takes a moment before he pulls his hands back and sighs, struggling to think of something remotely useful to say. He knows these Finnish words, so.]

Nnnnh-- look. Let's-- let's go somewhere!

[Somewhere without sheep and noisy hosts just a few yards away! Will that help? Emil thinks it will help. He hesitates for a split second before holding his other, non-smooched hand out. You know, to avoid additional trauma. Hold his dang hand and come with him, Lalli.]

[Lalli is... he's doing his best, Emil!! You spend nineteen years thinking you don't need friends, and then you finally get one and you realize he's way more important to you than you ever thought he could be—so important, in fact, that you kiss him without even thinking about it. That's some stomach-flipping stuff right there.

But okay, okay! A hand is being held out to for him to take, and that's...!! This isn't like it was when he grabbed Emil's wrist; now he's Thinking again, and as he stares down at that hand he's Thinking about, like, too much contact, and something preventing him from bolting away from a conversation that's too much to handle. But if he doesn't take it... what will Emil think...

(That he doesn't want to try to fix anything. And besides, isn't there a part of him that kind of wants to hold Emil's hand again?)]

Mmph...

[So it's back to no words, but even as Lalli presses his lips into a thin line, he still reaches out and slowly, hesitantly, places the tips of his fingers in the other boy's hand. Just grab him and go before he changes his mind.]

[He just wants! To hold hands! That's now safe to admit, now that Lalli has opened this can of worms with something as wild as kissing hands. Holding hands is nothing!

And that is what Emil will keep telling himself before he chickens out. He has to keep it together, for both their sake...!!

So, yes, the moment he gets the slightest touch he takes the plunge, taking hold of Lalli's hand and tugging him forward. He's just going to pick a random direction and go, so get ready to experience Emil's scouting ability this time (it's terrible). At least he makes the effort to look back at him and Smile(tm) encouragingly, after a couple paces. It's fine, see!!

Anyway the spot he comes up with is going to suck, but of course it is, this is Emil.]

—Well, this is better than being stuck with the others, isn't it? [yeah!! good enough!!]

[Today is just chock full of new and exciting things, apparently. For example: holding hands. Whew. Emil breezes right along, seemingly picking the worst path imaginable, but even Lalli can't frown too deeply as they hit mud puddle after mud puddle. He's too uncertain about, uh, everything else? And too aware of someone else's fingers wrapped around his. Emil touching him like this is... well...

...He feels strangely warm, especially when he glances over at Emil just in time to catch that smile. Right in the chest—!! It's somehow nice to know that these things haven't changed, even though the sinking sensation in his stomach when they come to a stop reminds him that it could. It might. Hrnngh.

Anyway, let him thoroughly check out their so he doesn't have to a) look at Emil quite yet, b) fret about Emil's purpose for bringing him here, and/or c) wonder how long their hands are going to stay like this. Better? Uh. Hmm. He tilts his head, taking a second as he wills himself to speak.]

It's... quieter.

[Listen: He Is Doing His Best.]

[Look, awkwardly skirting around mud puddles is worth the effort when you get to hold hands. That's something Emil decided just now, when he finally stops panicking (so much) about Lalli kissing hands and settles instead on how nice it is to hold hands. He is kind of a handsy person, surprise surprise, so obviously he's invested in this.

But that's as far as he's gotten, because he didn't form a plan besides "get the hell away from the merest possibility that someone will come outside and say something about a meal and ruin it." It's very likely that no one was going to come outside to talk to them at all, but!! Here they are now.

At least he got a whole sentence out of Lalli, even if it's only two words. Progress.]

Well! Alright! [......] I'll be honest, I didn't think this far.

[Let him try some bumbling Finnish:] What now?

[yes perfect lalli loves talking about feelings]

[Lalli studies a particularly interesting rock before slowly shifting his gaze back over to Emil, because what now, indeed. They stand here silently holding hands? Or should he, like, pull his hand away at some point? What are the rules of super friendly hand-holding...

So yes, Lalli is still nervous about fifty things at once, but his expression shifts from one of confusion to one that is slightly... flat. It is an expression that is one step closer to the one Emil should be used to receiving on a daily basis.]

...

[The silence is Finnish for "I have no clue."]

[Coooool... Thanks for the help, buddy. Emil looks at him, expectantly for some reason, like he earnestly thinks Lalli is going to be more ahead of the game than he is here. He's figuring it out, don't worry.]

Okay, okay-- [He waves his other hand a little, like, never mind. New... attempt. Just standing here holding hands and not talking sounds kind of good right about now, actually, all things considered.]

Uhhh... [They should just go to sleep, it would be easier!! But he'll continue with his mediocre Finnish, for Lalli's sake.] You're... good. This is good?

["This"]

[You kiss a boy's hand once and he just assumes that you know what you're doing! Jeez!! As much as Lalli usually appreciates silence, it's somewhat of a relief for Emil to finally say something again... even if it's, you know, only to ask about this. The... current state of their hands?

...Hmm. Lalli lowers his chin a bit, flexing the fingers of the hand that Emil is currently holding captive. Here's the truth: he doesn't mind it, but the longer they stay like this, the more he realizes that he would mind it—and very much so!—if the person holding his hand was anyone but Emil. He is the exception to almost everything.

Saying that it's okay, however, is too tough; it's why Lalli slowly nods instead, just once, and then hesitantly looks back up at Emil as he cants his head to the side. Is "this" good for him, too? This, and... maybe that...]

[He'd like some help navigating the terrifying and complex world of Kissing and Holding Hands, that's all!! Don't leave him here to drown!! Talk about- or vaguely gesture about- this. Please and thank you.

It's a very long silence, it feels like, while Lalli wiggles his hand and thinks; Emil is about ready to burst from trying to keep it together, so it's all he can do to chew his lip and stare down at the nearest mud puddle while Lalli considers. He glances back to him when he spots a movement, and oh! Nodding! Approval!

...Okay! Even a single nod can ease the tension that's built up in his chest instantly, wow— he hadn't even realized just how much he was apparently banking on Lalli being Good With This.]

Oh-- I'm good! [yeAH!!!]

[That is the Swedish word he was definitely hoping to hear, but damn, Emil, don't look at him like... like that! He lets out the breath he wasn't even aware that he was holding, glancing off to the side in search of something less, uh, intense to focus on as he that now-familiar pang in his chest hits him once more. He's never been a touchy-feely type of person; he's always preferred people to stay a solid arm's length away, but something about feeling so relieved(!) and so strangely happy(!!) at the same time makes him want to...

...To squeeze the other boy's hand? No, but that's what he allows himself to do right before he looks back Emil's way. Okay! He can do this! And he can do this in Swedish.]

I'm... [A few minutes ago he might have said that he was sorry; now, though, he takes a second to think of his (admittedly limited) other options before settling for a quiet:] ...Glad.

[It's a strong word for Lalli to say about something like this! Even he looks the slightest bit surprised when he actually says it, but, well, it's... true...]

[Emil can't help but laugh, a little surprised himself, but mostly it's just nerves bubbling over into something better than freaking out and making dumb faces for even longer. This is going remarkably well-- not that he's stopped to put a finger on what they're really talking about here, but never mind that! It's going great! A whole affectionate hand squeeze and nice words in Swedish? Truly, Lalli is great...]

Hah— wow. [He's relieved! And now when he feels warm all over it's not because his brain is about to steam out of his ears, so that's good too. But now he needs to think of something besides "wow" to say, which is the hardest thing ever done.] I mean, I'm happy if you're happy!

[Somewhere in the back of Emil's mind, a switch flips. Aha. Hmm.]

...Maybe we should find a better spot than this...

[Yes, he's happy... and oddly tired, now that the stress and the worry and the fear have all slipped back down to manageable levels. He's not about to pass out or anything, but maybe he'll skip tonight's weird Icelandic meal and just snooze, you know? Think things through in his own space.

But as wonderful as that sounds, Emil still has his hand, and he honestly doesn't want to cut that short. So—a "better place," huh? For, like, more talking? Lalli isn't sure how he feels about continuing to use his words when everything seems to have been taken care of, and with such positive results, and yet! And yet. He brings a foot closer to the nearest mud puddle—making sure to give Emil a very pointed Look as he does so—before promptly tugging Emil along before he can decide that he wants to try his hand at scouting again. They've jumped across enough gross things for one day.

Anyway, after some serious jogging around the countryside: voilà! Lalli comes to a stop near a small grove of trees, making sure that the ever-present sheep are far enough way not to be annoying before he turns to catch Emil's reaction. This is fine, yeah? Another quiet place for... whatever...]

[He didn't ask! For jogging! Why can't they do this at a brisk walk instead! Emil barely makes it, only because Lalli is holding his hand. Months ago he would have put in the effort to pretend he's not terrible at jogging, but at this point, Lalli knows his myriad physical faults... it's fine... he's huffing and puffing only a little from their wilderness jogging experience, waving his other hand as if to say it's cool, I love running, could run for hours!

This is the boy you chose, Lalli.]

Okay, next time, we walk! Can we sit? Please? This spot is much better.

[He's going to find something sit-able and sit anyway, come with him and relax.]

[This is good training for the next time some giant monster bursts out of a building! He's helping you, Emil. Or: Lalli jogs because Lalli knows that Emil can't run, so this is actually him trying to be semi-thoughtful. Walking? Pfft.

But yeah, cool, go sit on that rock! Lalli will come, too, because it's not like he really has a choice here; his hand goes where Emil takes it, so he lowers himself beside his... friend... and stares out at the many things around them. Grass! More rocks! Distant trees! Iceland is so (not) amazing that eventually he loops back around to Emil, waiting for him to, uh, say something. This is the boy you chose, my friend.]

[Gentlemen prefer walking, Lalli... please, have some class. Now they're sitting on this rock, and soon Lalli is looking at him expectantly, and Emil has to admit that he really just wanted to sit and hold hands somewhere that wasn't in the mud. Uhhh!]

Well, I could fix your hair properly, unless that's still off-limits.

[He'll do it with one hand, a man of talent.]

[Ah, so it's back to this. Lalli should be pleased that things have reached that nice, calm point where his hair is once again the biggest concern; really, a part of him is pleased, but he still slumps down the slightest bit as he remembers what happened just a short while ago. It is over, it is done, but the same hand he kissed coming right back toward his face—!!]

Mrr...

[As long as he doesn't zone out again, then it's fine, right? Right, so after another second or two of hesitation, he shrugs. Yeah, sure... go for it. Just don't comment on how tense he is! Or get too close to his face! Or—heaven forbid—actually smile at him again.]

[Alright... his Lalli sounds-to-Swedish translator thinks this is tacit enough approval to go for it, so he will! But slowly, and without staring intensely at Lalli's face or anything; he just needs to pick out some errant leaves and smooth the whole mess down a bit more, then he'll be satisfied.

He is taking his time with it, though, and that's for his own selfish benefit as well as Lalli's skittish ones. This is called Compromise, or maybe just fussing, whatever.]

I swear, one of these days I'm going to find a whole bird in here.

[There is something so, so dumb about only using one hand to pluck stuff out of someone else's hair because you're still holding hands? Even Lalli, the person least likely to understand social norms, senses this, but he merely focuses his attention on the rock they're sitting on and lets Emil do what Emil does best. It's better than pulling away, and easier than thinking about why he doesn't mind any of this... closeness at all.

But hey, he didn't have to understand all of that to know what Emil meant. A bird? Seriously? Booooy.]

It's not that bad.

[In Finnish, of course! And huffily, too, but there's no real bite behind it; it's just one of those things he does as he leans his head a little to one side, allowing Emil better access to whatever it is he's trying to do here. Maybe he looked like he was struggling!!]

Ha! Did I hear "bad" in there? It's getting better, thanks to me.

[Hairdresser salon lives another day... Lalli is so lucky that Emil is here to save his hair, really and truly. He should be thanked and appreciated all the time. Or: he seems pleased enough, picking leaves out of another dude's hair, and that's... well, that's Emil. Luckily there aren't that many left, and once he's flicked the last one off to the side he kind of, without thinking, affectionately cups Lalli's face in his hand. Rather like the way he's done when Lalli is literally unconscious, but with more warmth and less panicking.

Three... two... ah. Let him just remove that hand...] —Sorry.

[A hair-fixing session with zero (0) hand kisses. Ah, but it's perfect... until Emil decides to pull a stunt like that without even giving a boy the slightest warning. Um? ...Um??? Lalli's immediately straightens, eyes widening, brain unable to process anything other than the fact that Emil's hand feels so warm? He could lean further into it if he wanted to; if he was quick, he could even turn his face slightly to the side and press another kiss right into the center of—

Well, weird thoughts aside, he's not so far gone as to fail to realize when Emil begins pulling that his away. It feels like a loss of some kind, and he promptly leans forward, trying to recapture that... whatever it is before it disappears entirely.]

N-No!

[That just slips out before he even realizes it, right as his free hand reaches for Emil's, and suddenly he's not quite sure who he meant to direct it toward. Emil, for pulling away? Himself, for trying to make the same mistake again? Huh. It's like that question locks him right up, and he's left staring at Emil as his fingers seemingly wrap around that wrist of their own accord. Hello, this isn't awkward at all...]

What— no?

[No what!! No hands? No face touching? All of a sudden they're practically holding hands with both hands, and that's ridiculous even for Emil. He makes a face, uncertain at best, and considers his Options. There's the obvious, of course: just sit here and look at each other, which is always a classic; or he could take a wild guess and assume Lalli maybe doesn't mind what he was just doing, and... do it... again?

Or he could just dissolve on the spot, any of those three would be fine. He shuts his eyes and sighs, steeling himself for the very emotionally stressful task of doing a thing he just did without wigging out at all, then shifts to slide his fingers back into Lalli's hair and fondly brush his thumb over Lalli's cheek.

Which is a cool and friendly thing he added just now, oops.]

[Lalli takes one last breath before slowly fading from this earth.

Okay, no. It's more like Lalli releases Emil's poor wrist the second Emil closes his eyes, because for once he actually recognizes what's happening! He knows how it feels when things are so uncomfortable, so very much, that you have to look away before simply existing in the same space becomes too much to handle!

But while he would sink into himself, or slip away as quickly as he possibly could, Emil... doesn't? In fact, Emil does just what Lalli now realizes he wanted him to do: he touches him again, and Lalli leans right into the contact, using his now free hand to prop himself up as he refuses to think of the ifs or the whys. Oh, he makes sure to keep his half-lidded eyes on Emil's face, just in case he sees some hint that he should pull back, but until then... well! Against all odds, he is (selfishly) enjoying this! A sigh even escapes him as Emil runs his thumb across his cheek, but he doesn't seem to notice; nor does he seem to notice the way that his hand, still resting in Emil's, suddenly shifts around, gripping the other's hand more tightly as he tugs it toward him. He's the type of person who fiercely protects his own space, and yet here he is, wanting Emil to move even closer than he already is. Come here!]

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cycles through chill icons because i don't have my new SET yet