dumbshow | highly new, slightly improved open post

[Lalli takes one last breath before slowly fading from this earth.

Okay, no. It's more like Lalli releases Emil's poor wrist the second Emil closes his eyes, because for once he actually recognizes what's happening! He knows how it feels when things are so uncomfortable, so very much, that you have to look away before simply existing in the same space becomes too much to handle!

But while he would sink into himself, or slip away as quickly as he possibly could, Emil... doesn't? In fact, Emil does just what Lalli now realizes he wanted him to do: he touches him again, and Lalli leans right into the contact, using his now free hand to prop himself up as he refuses to think of the ifs or the whys. Oh, he makes sure to keep his half-lidded eyes on Emil's face, just in case he sees some hint that he should pull back, but until then... well! Against all odds, he is (selfishly) enjoying this! A sigh even escapes him as Emil runs his thumb across his cheek, but he doesn't seem to notice; nor does he seem to notice the way that his hand, still resting in Emil's, suddenly shifts around, gripping the other's hand more tightly as he tugs it toward him. He's the type of person who fiercely protects his own space, and yet here he is, wanting Emil to move even closer than he already is. Come here!]

[There isn't much closer Emil can be here on the gay forest rock, is the thing. Oh, it's very nice to have Lalli lean into his touch and make all these content little sighs and stuff, that's an ego boost and a brand new fascinating thing at once, but uh--

Well, okay!! He will even open one (1) eye to make sure he isn't squishing any errant knees or anything as he scoots closer... to Lalli... here, on the gay forest rock. Hello, he's here and ready for even more up close and personal Lalli content.]

[Call it a gay forest rock one more time and this thread is canceled. That aside: Thank you, Emil, for coming even closer. There's something nice about him being solidly within Lalli's personal bubble now? Like, all of him. ...Most of him. Lalli could easily reach out and cup Emil's cheek just like Emil is cupping his, just to see if mirroring such an action produces the same results, but he doesn't; no, he shifts closer instead, ignoring both the disappointment he feels as Emil's hand slips away one more and the loud chorus of warnings that is now echoing in his mind. Standard stuff, really: fears of losing his one friend, of having something good and then losing it forever, of this being much, much different than the daring thing he did before.

Emil's cheek, however, is right there! It's right there, and Lalli leans in and lightly brushes his lips against it, just as he's seen other people do to other people before. They were friends showing affection to friends, right? ...Mmm. So they were more than friends, probably, but it still feels like the right thing to do, even as his heart feels like it's about to beat right out of his chest. He should... pull away now, right? Yeah... probably... in a second...

...Okay, he's going! Far enough back to see Emil's face, to see if the expression he's wearing matches the slightly dazed one Lalli feels his own face settling into.]

[Being close to Lalli like this is good; Emil can't complain about not being in danger somehow, which is how things usually are when they get close to each other. Even when his heart feels like it's going to bounce of his chest, he doesn't mind! If he has a stroke and passes out, it's all Lalli's fault, but he doesn't not want Lalli to slide into his personal bubble.

He might have even had a fun little quip about it, that stutters to a halt and vanishes in an instant when Lalli kisses him on the cheek. He's been kissed on the cheek before but only by family and none of them have made his already strung out heart beat double time, so, um, wow? This time he looks at Lalli immediately instead of staring into space like a complete fool, and the look on his face is caught somewhere between pleasant surprise and cardiac arrest. So the kissing is going great.

What he means to say then is something like "What was that for?" or maybe "What am I supposed to do about that?" but maybe his subconscious can see those for how borderline rude they really are because he says neither, and when he finally manages to open his mouth and say real words what comes out is,]

If you don't let me kiss you at some point, this isn't going to be fair at all.

[...which is a whole lot of Swedish, but maybe the gesture back and forth between them he makes will help get his point across.]

[Ah, wonderful: more nonsensical Swedish. Lalli is already busy enough trying to decipher Emil's expression—seriously, is that happiness he sees, or should he go fetch Mikkel?—when that sentence is just dropped on top of this confusion sundae. Well, "kiss" is a word they've never covered during their little learning sessions, but as Lalli furrows his brow and thinks, he's pretty sure there's something about... letting Emil do something? To him, if that gesture means anything at all.

...Huh. He's not really sure what, exactly, Emil has planned here, but he can't prevent himself from having the vaguest of hopes; it's why he resists that quiet urge to sit back, choosing instead to lightly squeeze Emil's hand once more. It's like approval! Tentative approval. His chest feels tighter than it ever has, and his skin feels like it's burning, but sure, Emil... keep killing him.]

[Well... looking at him and only half understanding isn't a no... This could be the end of Emil's young life, right now, in a few moments. He could just evaporate on the spot--!

Which maybe is unreasonable to assume, considering Lalli has been kissing him 200% more than usual just today, but still! What if he dies!]

Okay-- well, hold still.

[He knows Lalli knows that one; he lifts his hand back up to touch Lalli's cheek again, just to hold him there while Emil leans up to kiss him on the forehead, lingering there a moment before he moves back to look at Lalli's face. Hi, you good? Still alive?]

[Alive is such a relative term. Like, yes, he's still breathing, but all higher processes are paused the moment Emil touches his face again, and then put on indefinite hold when he just up and kisses him. There it is! That jolt he felt when he kissed Emil, except now it's even stronger; in fact, it's a little like being punched in the arm really, really hard, but with none of the pain and double the surprise. He... likes it. Very much so.

But as he tilts his head back to blink up at Emil, finally remembering that breathing is a Thing that he needs to do, the only thing he can offer is a very dazed-sounding:]

Ah?

[That wonderful thing seriously happened, huh? Sorry, but that's all he has for now as he slowly pieces things together. Emil kissed him, and that means that his earlier kisses were okay, and that means that maybe Emil wants to kiss Lalli as much as Lalli wants to kiss Emil, and that means they're probably past the point of just friendship, and that means...? ...More kissing?? But who kisses who???]

[You kiss a boy and he just looks at you like you're a brand new species he's never seen before...! That's fair, Emil kind of stared dumbly at Lalli two times, too. He looks at Lalli in silence for a long moment before he tries to smile, a little shakily from nerves, and squeezes his hand to say... something. Like, it's good? It's okay?

So that's where he's at now in his personal journey: kissing is good, specifically when Lalli is involved. Soooo...]

Uhhh... that's that! That's out there in the world where we can all think about it, I guess.

[But what if he wants... another kiss? Because that was definitely okay!! Aside from seeing the occasional couple share a quick peck and wondering why they'd ever do something so weird, kissing just isn't something he's ever really thought about... until he, you know, received a quick peck of his own. Now he's glancing down at Emil's mouth, watching him speak and wondering what it would be like to shush him by kissing him there...

Well, it's something to consider, even if it might kill them both! But he just gives Emil's hand another squeeze, then looks off to the side as he searches for, like... something. Emil babbles; Lalli weighs his options very carefully before he actually speaks.]

...You can do it again. [I-If he wants too!! He's just sayin', but ah, wait, that's Finnish! He makes a face and adds, in Swedish:] I-It is... good.

[He just put so much effort forth? So much unbelievable effort?? He's going to sleep for two solid days after this is finally over and done with, but for now, since he's already come so far, he raises his hand and hesitantly brushes a knuckle across Emil's cheek. Emil did it to him, so now he's returning the... favor?]

Okay?

[As in, are you okay, Swedish boy?]

[Thaaat's some Finnish, and Emil can only really process "you" and "it" but he's hoping it's a good it? Maybe? Thank god Lalli puts forth the herculean effort to specify in Swedish! The weight of a thousand teens' awkward first romances lifts off his shoulders, so the tension goes out of him just as Lalli touches his cheek and he kind of... deflates? Slumps considerably, sighing, but it's a good sigh! A good slump!

Never before has saying a few words and putting his mouth places made him feel like he's run a marathon, but here they are. Somehow still alive, and now they are... people who kiss sometimes? Uh.

They can... work on that. Emil does not go in for another kiss, but instead goes for the elusive forehead-touch-lean, briefly closing his eyes again. What a day!! He needs a minute to recover before he can smooch again.]

Okay.

Edited (quietly edits my spelling) 2018-12-05 22:36 (UTC)

[Emil just said fewer words than Lalli? Whoa. It's a good word, and Lalli is just as relieved to hear it as Emil is to say it, but still. Those three reporters are about to pop out of a nearby bush, because this is a first.

As is the forehead lean. Lalli's never had someone else's face so close to his before, and it's... hmm. On the one hand, he's now very aware of every breath that both he and Emil are taking, and that's strange; on the other hand, though, he likes the sigh that came before it, the sense of, ah, trust? That comes with being like this? A normal person would close their eyes and properly savor that feeling, but Lalli, being the opposite of normal, keeps his eyes open as he takes in this up-close view of Emil's annoying face. Eyelashes... huh.

But his hand is still awkwardly floating nearby, and he's not really sure what to do with it. Touch Emil's face again? Or, well—Emil looks more or less comfortable as he is, so Lalli settles for just brushing a bit of Emil's hair back behind his ear. Better there than tickling his cheek.]

[Ah, that's his weird, silent boy... Emil is fine like this for a bit longer, smiling again when he feels Lalli's fingers in his hair. That's nice - kind of... soothing? Maybe that's why Lalli puts up with him fussing over his hair so often.

When he opens one eye it's to consider Lalli from very very close like this, and more importantly, consider kissing him again. Now that he can he feels like he should do it as much as possible, which is probably too much for any reasonable person, but whatever! Kissing is a thrill! This is his replacement for motorcycle stunt races, where he gets his thrills.

This time he will smooch without thinking, tilting his head for a quick peck wherever he reaches first -- like next to Lalli's nose, too high up to be considered a cheek kiss... No one can accuse Emil of knowing what he's doing.]

[Emil!! Lalli has no clue what he's doing here, either, but his instincts tell him that near the nose is not the optimal place to plant a kiss. It felt clumsy! ...Which, yeah, okay, that means that it's a totally Emil™ thing to do. Now that Lalli's actively thinking about kisses, though, he's thinking of them just like he thinks of everything else in his line of work: he has to be precise. It sounds anxiety inducing, but really, thinking about the proper place to kiss makes actually doing it, like. Easier for him.

So he pulls back a bit, eyes sweeping across Emil's face before he comes back in to smooch the very tip of Emil's nose. See? It's weird, you Ikea meatball, and Lalli sits back, raises an eyebrow to drive this point home, and promptly leans forward to try his second cheek kiss of the day. Lower this time, not higher. Maybe a hair closer to the corner of Emil's mouth.]

[He's messy, let him live, you knew this about him. The nose kiss is very cute, very sweet, and yet he can't help but feel like he's being judged for some reason... Please!!]

Hah— [Lalli is kissing his face again and he's very much enjoying that, but look, he has to Speak or his brain stops working-] Don't give me that look! I'm new at this!

[Technically, going by kiss count and nothing else, Lalli has more kissing experience than Emil does right now... Think about that. Lalli has the kisses covered so Emil will work on the handsy, touchy-feely thing, touching Lalli's face again before dropping his hand to tug vaguely at his waist. Can he do this? Come here, even closer.]

[Oh, that hand... sure is lower than any hand has been thus far? Huh. He pulls back from his latest kiss, staying close by Emil's face as he glances down at his side. Moving closer... everything is pointing to yes except for his brain, which, in a startling moment of clarity, wonders how much closer he can feasibly get. Soon one of them is going to be in the other's lap!

And yet he carefully scoots closer anyway, pulling his hand from Emil's hair in order to place it against his chest. Just... for balance, you know? For balance. The fact that he can feel Emil's heartbeat is just an interesting bonus, and he takes a second to marvel over the fact that it's beating as quickly as his own is. He did that... or, more accurately, they both did that, but he started it.

That aside—hel...lo? Lalli is now Here, closer than ever before, and after he's done staring at his hand like a weirdo he looks back up at Emil. Is this as close as he wanted? He can feel just how (nice and) warm Emil really is, so he assumes so...]

[Yes, hello, this is perfect. Now that the panic phase is over- well, for now- Emil can allow himself to go back to feeling basically just giddy over these crucial developments, and that's exactly what he's doing. He actually resists the urge to squish Lalli into a hug (you see? see how considerate?) and puts his hand over Lalli's on his chest instead. It's just like holding hands, except for touching his chest and all, um.

Yeah, that's the stuff. Really feeling that...]

Um— hey.

[Perfect. He wonders, is it time to take the plunge, and kiss Lalli on the lips? How does one determine when it's time...? Will he critically miss like he did a moment ago, because he'll be too busy thinking about Lalli giving him judgmental looks again?!

Yes, that last one for sure, so he just kind of leans in a bit and then-- that's it, the end. Ah.]

[There are so many different levels of contact going on here. Lalli knows that he can't just bolt away if things go from perfect to Too Much, but for once, that's not... the worst thing in the world. It's kind of the opposite, actually? Being stuck in one place with Emil's hand resting snugly over his, feeling Emil's heart beat as he slowly brings his face closer to—

—stop just short of Lalli's. Uh. ...Hmm. They stay exactly as they are for a few seconds, Lalli too surprised to do anything but awkwardly stare back at the person he very much wishes would close the distance and kiss him. Because he honestly does want that? And he's known this for a good while, but now that it almost-but-not-quite happened he's a bit taken aback by how much he wants that. A kiss... like, a real one, from Emil...

And you know, he's pretty sure that Emil wants the same thing that he does. Oh, he could be wrong; the pessimist within is gleefully telling him that he is, but even though Emil is frozen right now, he still put his hand on his waist and pulled him closer. It doesn't take a socially adept genius to know what that means! It's why Lalli makes a low noise in his throat, something between impatience and frustration, before closing the distance himself... and pressing his lips to Emil's. There! Done! Now instead of pushing him away, do whatever it is that people are supposed to do in situations like this.]

[What are people supposed to do while kissing, actually? Emil suddenly has no idea what to do with his hands, which seems like a weird thing to get caught on when they're mid-smooch, but somehow it's where his mind goes: does he keep his hands where they are? Should he put them somewhere else??

Whatever!! He gives Lalli's hand on his chest a light squeeze, which is his silent thanks for being understanding of his fumbling... The jolt of excitement that an actual real kiss sends through him makes him freeze just for a few seconds before he remembers how to move, tilting his head to kiss Lalli back more easily.

God yes, he's so smooth. He is a kiss artist. So this is Kissing...]

[This is indeed Kissing, and it makes absolutely no sense. That's not to say that it's bad; kissing Emil square on the mouth feels much, much better—softer?—than kissing Emil on the cheek, but it's missing... something. This is prime kiss real estate, okay! He's seen enough more-than-friends kiss to piece that together!

But as to what it is that's missing—well, given what happened at the start of this kiss, it's up to him to figure it out. So what, exactly, does he want? More of... everything, he supposes. Emil kissing him back, Emil touching his face, Emil somehow even closer than he currently is. It's probably, you know, not even possible, but he still takes the hand that was holding Emil's for who knows how long and brings it up to Emil's cheek, sliding it across his skin in order to tangle it in his hair. This time, however, he doesn't tuck everything back behind an ear and call it a day; instead, he sighs, gently presses Emil closer, and... clinks their teeth together in the process. Nice.]

[Ah, so they're going right from Kissing to Kissing 2, Emil understands exactly how to conduct himself in this situation. He doesn't at all, obviously; but if Lalli's going to get bolder then he can be bolder, too! You know. Maybe.

Well, here: his newly freed hand sneaks up to Lalli's waist to keep him close, like there's any real chance of Lalli trying to run away from him right now. He hopes not, anyway-- he'd probably take a chunk of Emil's hair with him if he bolted.

Still: focusing on the smooch. Emil kisses as best he can, so just about as clumsy and overeager as he is with everything involving Lalli, but at least his confidence is starting to come through for him. Enough that Emil also thinks, you know... they could be closer than this... they could also be doing this somewhere more comfortable than a rock, but one step at a time. Lalli should be in his lap, Emil decides, and also decides not to think too hard about it lest he chicken out. He already has a hand on his waist, so it's simple to tug on him more insistently than before, humming against his lips in what he means to be a very pointed suggestion to just, you know, just do it. Crawl all over him, he's ready.]

[You offer Lalli a cookie and he swipes the entire bag; you kiss him back and he immediately wants more, even if he's not entirely sure what "more" entails. The only thing he knows for certain is that he wants Emil to focus on him in every possible way! Surely that's not asking for much.

...Okay, so maybe he's a little needy. That's something they can work on down the road, but right now he feels Emil urging him forward and that means that everything he's doing here is a-okay. Exciting!! But also, like, confusing, because he doesn't want to move his hands from where they are at this very moment? He doesn't want to break this kiss? He's not even entirely sure that he wants to sit on someone else, because that just feels like something that would be... well. Well.

Then again, that strange urge to be closer hasn't exactly left him. Will it ever? He just doesn't know, but he slides his hand out from under Emil's, places it on the other boy's shoulder, and (oh-so awkwardly) tries to keep this kiss going as he shifts up onto his knees. Straddle, and then sit? That seems like a good plan, even if it involves so much maneuvering and face-twisting that he's eventually forced to pull away from Emil for a short while. It's not all bad, though—there's even something nice about being much taller than Emil for a moment, before he drops back down onto Emil's poor leg and he becomes only marginally taller once more. It's a good thing he's a twig...

Anyway... more kissing, yes? Yes. ...After he takes a second to catch his breath. Surely Emil needs a second to adjust to this new... everything, anyway, but Lalli keeps his hand in his hair just in case. Stay.]

[Oof, this journey to Emil's lap is as Lalli(tm) as possible, huh-- not that Emil complains, but it's a process that involves a lot more weirdly angling his head and hoverhanding until Lalli has settled than he expected.

First thing about Lalli being in his lap: wow, he weighs like nothing when Emil isn't hauling his body around the frozen wastes. Amazing. Second thing: this is the single most thrilling thing that's ever happened to him. It's all he can do for a moment to look up at Lalli, happy-- just... happy. Right this second he doesn't even seem to register that Lalli is super needy, too content to manhandle him around and kiss him a bunch.

Still, he's not going anywhere. Jeez-- he pats Lalli's, uh, side, until that seems too stupid and he tilts his face up to kiss at the corner of his mouth instead. Look, he got one. Emil is on the board.]

You're going to pull my hair if you keep that up.

[Sitting on someone's lap and not doing anything feels like sitting on the edge of a very unsteady table? Plus he's not quite sure what to do with those gangly legs of his, but he tilts himself toward Emil and tries to, like, straighten them out as best he can. This is a much more delicate endeavor than he'd thought it would be.

That kiss helps, though, even if it's followed by some Swedish nonsense that seems to center around the word "hair." He's smiling, apparently very pleased by this whatever-it-is, and yet he's probably wondering if his hair is all tousled. Psh! That earns him the mildest of Looks... and some Finnish to decipher.]

I'm not going to mess it up.

[More than it... already is, anyway? But if it makes Emil happy—and he finds that he really does want to make Emil happy—then he'll remove his hand from the back of Emil's head and do his best to quickly smooth everything back into place. Bam! The sparkles are back, and Lalli congratulates himself with a pompous little nod as he settles both hands onto Emil's shoulders.]

See? Now it's fine.

[You are welcome, Emil. Now shower him with kisses.]

Edited (if u can't sleep, u edit) 2018-12-06 05:31 (UTC)

[You know, somehow "mess" is one of the Finnish words he knows. Somehow! Mess, messy... He assumes Lalli is telling him he's already a mess and so that is why he stops to fix his hair for him, so that's, hmm-- well, he can live with that. The hand in his hair was nice, but fixing his hair is nice too?? He's easily satisfied.]

Oh, yes, wonderful.

[Something like that? He's beautiful, thanks for supporting him. For another short pause he takes a moment to appreciate all this, mostly Lalli in his lap (status: Holy Shit), before kissing the same spot at the corner of his mouth again. Then one more time, before he daringly kisses him full on the mouth once more, squeezing his hip now that he's out of hands to hold.]

Edited (Fixin spelling at work do de do) 2018-12-06 13:38 (UTC)

[One, two, three whole kisses! Yeah!! Lalli's not really thinking about anything other than kissing Emil just as fervently as Emil is kissing him, but as he digs his fingers into Emil's shoulders, some tiny part of his brain finds the time to jot down a quick note: fix this boy's hair way more often.

Oh, and another quick note: kiss this boy's neck at some point in the future, because as Emil squeezes his hip, one of Lalli's hands jump up to... touch his face? Touch something, anyway, but it lands on the side of Emil's neck and Lalli leaves it there for a moment. There it is—there's that heartbeat again, right under his thumb, and he hums appreciatively before sliding his hand down to grab the front of Emil's shirt. But, like, gently. ...Kind of. Listen, Emil just has to accept the fact that they are staying on this dumb rock for A While as Lalli practically sinks right into him. Hopefully his leg isn't in danger of falling asleep any time soon...]

Edited (don't roast me for my editing streak... i'm done for the day) 2018-12-06 20:56 (UTC)

cycles through chill icons because i don't have my new SET yet

that one even has face touching,

i did my best

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