dumbshow | highly new, slightly improved open post

[Coooool... Thanks for the help, buddy. Emil looks at him, expectantly for some reason, like he earnestly thinks Lalli is going to be more ahead of the game than he is here. He's figuring it out, don't worry.]

Okay, okay-- [He waves his other hand a little, like, never mind. New... attempt. Just standing here holding hands and not talking sounds kind of good right about now, actually, all things considered.]

Uhhh... [They should just go to sleep, it would be easier!! But he'll continue with his mediocre Finnish, for Lalli's sake.] You're... good. This is good?

["This"]

[You kiss a boy's hand once and he just assumes that you know what you're doing! Jeez!! As much as Lalli usually appreciates silence, it's somewhat of a relief for Emil to finally say something again... even if it's, you know, only to ask about this. The... current state of their hands?

...Hmm. Lalli lowers his chin a bit, flexing the fingers of the hand that Emil is currently holding captive. Here's the truth: he doesn't mind it, but the longer they stay like this, the more he realizes that he would mind it—and very much so!—if the person holding his hand was anyone but Emil. He is the exception to almost everything.

Saying that it's okay, however, is too tough; it's why Lalli slowly nods instead, just once, and then hesitantly looks back up at Emil as he cants his head to the side. Is "this" good for him, too? This, and... maybe that...]

[He'd like some help navigating the terrifying and complex world of Kissing and Holding Hands, that's all!! Don't leave him here to drown!! Talk about- or vaguely gesture about- this. Please and thank you.

It's a very long silence, it feels like, while Lalli wiggles his hand and thinks; Emil is about ready to burst from trying to keep it together, so it's all he can do to chew his lip and stare down at the nearest mud puddle while Lalli considers. He glances back to him when he spots a movement, and oh! Nodding! Approval!

...Okay! Even a single nod can ease the tension that's built up in his chest instantly, wow— he hadn't even realized just how much he was apparently banking on Lalli being Good With This.]

Oh-- I'm good! [yeAH!!!]

[That is the Swedish word he was definitely hoping to hear, but damn, Emil, don't look at him like... like that! He lets out the breath he wasn't even aware that he was holding, glancing off to the side in search of something less, uh, intense to focus on as he that now-familiar pang in his chest hits him once more. He's never been a touchy-feely type of person; he's always preferred people to stay a solid arm's length away, but something about feeling so relieved(!) and so strangely happy(!!) at the same time makes him want to...

...To squeeze the other boy's hand? No, but that's what he allows himself to do right before he looks back Emil's way. Okay! He can do this! And he can do this in Swedish.]

I'm... [A few minutes ago he might have said that he was sorry; now, though, he takes a second to think of his (admittedly limited) other options before settling for a quiet:] ...Glad.

[It's a strong word for Lalli to say about something like this! Even he looks the slightest bit surprised when he actually says it, but, well, it's... true...]

[Emil can't help but laugh, a little surprised himself, but mostly it's just nerves bubbling over into something better than freaking out and making dumb faces for even longer. This is going remarkably well-- not that he's stopped to put a finger on what they're really talking about here, but never mind that! It's going great! A whole affectionate hand squeeze and nice words in Swedish? Truly, Lalli is great...]

Hah— wow. [He's relieved! And now when he feels warm all over it's not because his brain is about to steam out of his ears, so that's good too. But now he needs to think of something besides "wow" to say, which is the hardest thing ever done.] I mean, I'm happy if you're happy!

[Somewhere in the back of Emil's mind, a switch flips. Aha. Hmm.]

...Maybe we should find a better spot than this...

[Yes, he's happy... and oddly tired, now that the stress and the worry and the fear have all slipped back down to manageable levels. He's not about to pass out or anything, but maybe he'll skip tonight's weird Icelandic meal and just snooze, you know? Think things through in his own space.

But as wonderful as that sounds, Emil still has his hand, and he honestly doesn't want to cut that short. So—a "better place," huh? For, like, more talking? Lalli isn't sure how he feels about continuing to use his words when everything seems to have been taken care of, and with such positive results, and yet! And yet. He brings a foot closer to the nearest mud puddle—making sure to give Emil a very pointed Look as he does so—before promptly tugging Emil along before he can decide that he wants to try his hand at scouting again. They've jumped across enough gross things for one day.

Anyway, after some serious jogging around the countryside: voilà! Lalli comes to a stop near a small grove of trees, making sure that the ever-present sheep are far enough way not to be annoying before he turns to catch Emil's reaction. This is fine, yeah? Another quiet place for... whatever...]

[He didn't ask! For jogging! Why can't they do this at a brisk walk instead! Emil barely makes it, only because Lalli is holding his hand. Months ago he would have put in the effort to pretend he's not terrible at jogging, but at this point, Lalli knows his myriad physical faults... it's fine... he's huffing and puffing only a little from their wilderness jogging experience, waving his other hand as if to say it's cool, I love running, could run for hours!

This is the boy you chose, Lalli.]

Okay, next time, we walk! Can we sit? Please? This spot is much better.

[He's going to find something sit-able and sit anyway, come with him and relax.]

[This is good training for the next time some giant monster bursts out of a building! He's helping you, Emil. Or: Lalli jogs because Lalli knows that Emil can't run, so this is actually him trying to be semi-thoughtful. Walking? Pfft.

But yeah, cool, go sit on that rock! Lalli will come, too, because it's not like he really has a choice here; his hand goes where Emil takes it, so he lowers himself beside his... friend... and stares out at the many things around them. Grass! More rocks! Distant trees! Iceland is so (not) amazing that eventually he loops back around to Emil, waiting for him to, uh, say something. This is the boy you chose, my friend.]

[Gentlemen prefer walking, Lalli... please, have some class. Now they're sitting on this rock, and soon Lalli is looking at him expectantly, and Emil has to admit that he really just wanted to sit and hold hands somewhere that wasn't in the mud. Uhhh!]

Well, I could fix your hair properly, unless that's still off-limits.

[He'll do it with one hand, a man of talent.]

[Ah, so it's back to this. Lalli should be pleased that things have reached that nice, calm point where his hair is once again the biggest concern; really, a part of him is pleased, but he still slumps down the slightest bit as he remembers what happened just a short while ago. It is over, it is done, but the same hand he kissed coming right back toward his face—!!]

Mrr...

[As long as he doesn't zone out again, then it's fine, right? Right, so after another second or two of hesitation, he shrugs. Yeah, sure... go for it. Just don't comment on how tense he is! Or get too close to his face! Or—heaven forbid—actually smile at him again.]

[Alright... his Lalli sounds-to-Swedish translator thinks this is tacit enough approval to go for it, so he will! But slowly, and without staring intensely at Lalli's face or anything; he just needs to pick out some errant leaves and smooth the whole mess down a bit more, then he'll be satisfied.

He is taking his time with it, though, and that's for his own selfish benefit as well as Lalli's skittish ones. This is called Compromise, or maybe just fussing, whatever.]

I swear, one of these days I'm going to find a whole bird in here.

[There is something so, so dumb about only using one hand to pluck stuff out of someone else's hair because you're still holding hands? Even Lalli, the person least likely to understand social norms, senses this, but he merely focuses his attention on the rock they're sitting on and lets Emil do what Emil does best. It's better than pulling away, and easier than thinking about why he doesn't mind any of this... closeness at all.

But hey, he didn't have to understand all of that to know what Emil meant. A bird? Seriously? Booooy.]

It's not that bad.

[In Finnish, of course! And huffily, too, but there's no real bite behind it; it's just one of those things he does as he leans his head a little to one side, allowing Emil better access to whatever it is he's trying to do here. Maybe he looked like he was struggling!!]

Ha! Did I hear "bad" in there? It's getting better, thanks to me.

[Hairdresser salon lives another day... Lalli is so lucky that Emil is here to save his hair, really and truly. He should be thanked and appreciated all the time. Or: he seems pleased enough, picking leaves out of another dude's hair, and that's... well, that's Emil. Luckily there aren't that many left, and once he's flicked the last one off to the side he kind of, without thinking, affectionately cups Lalli's face in his hand. Rather like the way he's done when Lalli is literally unconscious, but with more warmth and less panicking.

Three... two... ah. Let him just remove that hand...] —Sorry.

[A hair-fixing session with zero (0) hand kisses. Ah, but it's perfect... until Emil decides to pull a stunt like that without even giving a boy the slightest warning. Um? ...Um??? Lalli's immediately straightens, eyes widening, brain unable to process anything other than the fact that Emil's hand feels so warm? He could lean further into it if he wanted to; if he was quick, he could even turn his face slightly to the side and press another kiss right into the center of—

Well, weird thoughts aside, he's not so far gone as to fail to realize when Emil begins pulling that his away. It feels like a loss of some kind, and he promptly leans forward, trying to recapture that... whatever it is before it disappears entirely.]

N-No!

[That just slips out before he even realizes it, right as his free hand reaches for Emil's, and suddenly he's not quite sure who he meant to direct it toward. Emil, for pulling away? Himself, for trying to make the same mistake again? Huh. It's like that question locks him right up, and he's left staring at Emil as his fingers seemingly wrap around that wrist of their own accord. Hello, this isn't awkward at all...]

What— no?

[No what!! No hands? No face touching? All of a sudden they're practically holding hands with both hands, and that's ridiculous even for Emil. He makes a face, uncertain at best, and considers his Options. There's the obvious, of course: just sit here and look at each other, which is always a classic; or he could take a wild guess and assume Lalli maybe doesn't mind what he was just doing, and... do it... again?

Or he could just dissolve on the spot, any of those three would be fine. He shuts his eyes and sighs, steeling himself for the very emotionally stressful task of doing a thing he just did without wigging out at all, then shifts to slide his fingers back into Lalli's hair and fondly brush his thumb over Lalli's cheek.

Which is a cool and friendly thing he added just now, oops.]

[Lalli takes one last breath before slowly fading from this earth.

Okay, no. It's more like Lalli releases Emil's poor wrist the second Emil closes his eyes, because for once he actually recognizes what's happening! He knows how it feels when things are so uncomfortable, so very much, that you have to look away before simply existing in the same space becomes too much to handle!

But while he would sink into himself, or slip away as quickly as he possibly could, Emil... doesn't? In fact, Emil does just what Lalli now realizes he wanted him to do: he touches him again, and Lalli leans right into the contact, using his now free hand to prop himself up as he refuses to think of the ifs or the whys. Oh, he makes sure to keep his half-lidded eyes on Emil's face, just in case he sees some hint that he should pull back, but until then... well! Against all odds, he is (selfishly) enjoying this! A sigh even escapes him as Emil runs his thumb across his cheek, but he doesn't seem to notice; nor does he seem to notice the way that his hand, still resting in Emil's, suddenly shifts around, gripping the other's hand more tightly as he tugs it toward him. He's the type of person who fiercely protects his own space, and yet here he is, wanting Emil to move even closer than he already is. Come here!]

[There isn't much closer Emil can be here on the gay forest rock, is the thing. Oh, it's very nice to have Lalli lean into his touch and make all these content little sighs and stuff, that's an ego boost and a brand new fascinating thing at once, but uh--

Well, okay!! He will even open one (1) eye to make sure he isn't squishing any errant knees or anything as he scoots closer... to Lalli... here, on the gay forest rock. Hello, he's here and ready for even more up close and personal Lalli content.]

[Call it a gay forest rock one more time and this thread is canceled. That aside: Thank you, Emil, for coming even closer. There's something nice about him being solidly within Lalli's personal bubble now? Like, all of him. ...Most of him. Lalli could easily reach out and cup Emil's cheek just like Emil is cupping his, just to see if mirroring such an action produces the same results, but he doesn't; no, he shifts closer instead, ignoring both the disappointment he feels as Emil's hand slips away one more and the loud chorus of warnings that is now echoing in his mind. Standard stuff, really: fears of losing his one friend, of having something good and then losing it forever, of this being much, much different than the daring thing he did before.

Emil's cheek, however, is right there! It's right there, and Lalli leans in and lightly brushes his lips against it, just as he's seen other people do to other people before. They were friends showing affection to friends, right? ...Mmm. So they were more than friends, probably, but it still feels like the right thing to do, even as his heart feels like it's about to beat right out of his chest. He should... pull away now, right? Yeah... probably... in a second...

...Okay, he's going! Far enough back to see Emil's face, to see if the expression he's wearing matches the slightly dazed one Lalli feels his own face settling into.]

[Being close to Lalli like this is good; Emil can't complain about not being in danger somehow, which is how things usually are when they get close to each other. Even when his heart feels like it's going to bounce of his chest, he doesn't mind! If he has a stroke and passes out, it's all Lalli's fault, but he doesn't not want Lalli to slide into his personal bubble.

He might have even had a fun little quip about it, that stutters to a halt and vanishes in an instant when Lalli kisses him on the cheek. He's been kissed on the cheek before but only by family and none of them have made his already strung out heart beat double time, so, um, wow? This time he looks at Lalli immediately instead of staring into space like a complete fool, and the look on his face is caught somewhere between pleasant surprise and cardiac arrest. So the kissing is going great.

What he means to say then is something like "What was that for?" or maybe "What am I supposed to do about that?" but maybe his subconscious can see those for how borderline rude they really are because he says neither, and when he finally manages to open his mouth and say real words what comes out is,]

If you don't let me kiss you at some point, this isn't going to be fair at all.

[...which is a whole lot of Swedish, but maybe the gesture back and forth between them he makes will help get his point across.]

[Ah, wonderful: more nonsensical Swedish. Lalli is already busy enough trying to decipher Emil's expression—seriously, is that happiness he sees, or should he go fetch Mikkel?—when that sentence is just dropped on top of this confusion sundae. Well, "kiss" is a word they've never covered during their little learning sessions, but as Lalli furrows his brow and thinks, he's pretty sure there's something about... letting Emil do something? To him, if that gesture means anything at all.

...Huh. He's not really sure what, exactly, Emil has planned here, but he can't prevent himself from having the vaguest of hopes; it's why he resists that quiet urge to sit back, choosing instead to lightly squeeze Emil's hand once more. It's like approval! Tentative approval. His chest feels tighter than it ever has, and his skin feels like it's burning, but sure, Emil... keep killing him.]

[Well... looking at him and only half understanding isn't a no... This could be the end of Emil's young life, right now, in a few moments. He could just evaporate on the spot--!

Which maybe is unreasonable to assume, considering Lalli has been kissing him 200% more than usual just today, but still! What if he dies!]

Okay-- well, hold still.

[He knows Lalli knows that one; he lifts his hand back up to touch Lalli's cheek again, just to hold him there while Emil leans up to kiss him on the forehead, lingering there a moment before he moves back to look at Lalli's face. Hi, you good? Still alive?]

[Alive is such a relative term. Like, yes, he's still breathing, but all higher processes are paused the moment Emil touches his face again, and then put on indefinite hold when he just up and kisses him. There it is! That jolt he felt when he kissed Emil, except now it's even stronger; in fact, it's a little like being punched in the arm really, really hard, but with none of the pain and double the surprise. He... likes it. Very much so.

But as he tilts his head back to blink up at Emil, finally remembering that breathing is a Thing that he needs to do, the only thing he can offer is a very dazed-sounding:]

Ah?

[That wonderful thing seriously happened, huh? Sorry, but that's all he has for now as he slowly pieces things together. Emil kissed him, and that means that his earlier kisses were okay, and that means that maybe Emil wants to kiss Lalli as much as Lalli wants to kiss Emil, and that means they're probably past the point of just friendship, and that means...? ...More kissing?? But who kisses who???]

[You kiss a boy and he just looks at you like you're a brand new species he's never seen before...! That's fair, Emil kind of stared dumbly at Lalli two times, too. He looks at Lalli in silence for a long moment before he tries to smile, a little shakily from nerves, and squeezes his hand to say... something. Like, it's good? It's okay?

So that's where he's at now in his personal journey: kissing is good, specifically when Lalli is involved. Soooo...]

Uhhh... that's that! That's out there in the world where we can all think about it, I guess.

[But what if he wants... another kiss? Because that was definitely okay!! Aside from seeing the occasional couple share a quick peck and wondering why they'd ever do something so weird, kissing just isn't something he's ever really thought about... until he, you know, received a quick peck of his own. Now he's glancing down at Emil's mouth, watching him speak and wondering what it would be like to shush him by kissing him there...

Well, it's something to consider, even if it might kill them both! But he just gives Emil's hand another squeeze, then looks off to the side as he searches for, like... something. Emil babbles; Lalli weighs his options very carefully before he actually speaks.]

...You can do it again. [I-If he wants too!! He's just sayin', but ah, wait, that's Finnish! He makes a face and adds, in Swedish:] I-It is... good.

[He just put so much effort forth? So much unbelievable effort?? He's going to sleep for two solid days after this is finally over and done with, but for now, since he's already come so far, he raises his hand and hesitantly brushes a knuckle across Emil's cheek. Emil did it to him, so now he's returning the... favor?]

Okay?

[As in, are you okay, Swedish boy?]

[Thaaat's some Finnish, and Emil can only really process "you" and "it" but he's hoping it's a good it? Maybe? Thank god Lalli puts forth the herculean effort to specify in Swedish! The weight of a thousand teens' awkward first romances lifts off his shoulders, so the tension goes out of him just as Lalli touches his cheek and he kind of... deflates? Slumps considerably, sighing, but it's a good sigh! A good slump!

Never before has saying a few words and putting his mouth places made him feel like he's run a marathon, but here they are. Somehow still alive, and now they are... people who kiss sometimes? Uh.

They can... work on that. Emil does not go in for another kiss, but instead goes for the elusive forehead-touch-lean, briefly closing his eyes again. What a day!! He needs a minute to recover before he can smooch again.]

Okay.

Edited (quietly edits my spelling) 2018-12-05 22:36 (UTC)

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cycles through chill icons because i don't have my new SET yet

that one even has face touching,

i did my best

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