dumbshow | once more with shitposting

once more with shitposting

[Reim is loath to think it's convenient that the city needs to be put back together after everything. There's been so much loss, they've all felt it—but having something to do after Pandora is dissolved keeps everyone's minds off those things, more or less, so. It's a little convenient. It keeps people busy, himself included.

Most people, anyway... Reim has more than enough to do, from ironing out the details of the relief efforts (it's-not-Pandora-but-it's-mostly-the-same-people is not a viable organization name, the struggle) to dealing with people on a much more individual level, including trying to integrate the remaining Baskervilles— he's never been more stressed in his life!!

Unlike some people apparently on a quest to ruin the only peace and quiet he has in his schedule - locking himself in his office to eat meals - in between everything else. It's just after he's been to check up on Duke Barma, who is surprisingly... robust, if bedridden, and he's escaped that harrowing exchange only to find his office invaded and some kind of food out. It smells like food. That's not the lunch he ordered??

He sighs. It must be every day of his life at once. He will address... the office:]

Xerxes, come out of there.

[he doesn't even know where, but he Knows it's somewhere.]

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[He should pop this cork in your smug face, old man. He won't, but he thinks about it while he opens the bottle completely calmly.]

Why should I bother when you come here on your own anyway?

[That's harsh, he knows, he needs only his split-second of pettiness before he calms down again to pour some inappropriately selected wine. Whole weeks he spent with this guy after he didn't die, and now he's being accused of not making time...! Jeez!!]

Pandora being gone doesn't mean I have time to be carefree as often as I feel like... As a member, I contributed to what happened, so I have a responsibility to make it right.

[So there. Break should probably help too, but he's sick and blind so he's excused... Anyway, since he's actually being asked to chill for once, sort of-]

What is it that you want to do?

[He made that time because he had to!! Learn to make time for stuff that isn't stressful in some way, god. Xerxes hums thoughtfully, like he hasn't given this as much thought as he has.]

I want to drink, first. [Obviously... this is deflecting. He holds his hand out in Reim's direction for his glass.] Then maybe if you stop acting like I've made very scandalous suggestions, I'd like to take a walk after lunch. Are you capable of doing that without your head exploding?

[This burnt sandwich is stressful. Reim hums, passing him a glass. No way, he's not going to reward this attitude... yeah he is. Sigh.]

I suppose it's been a while since we could talk normally. [You know, since somebody had a multi-week breakdown.] Alright. The grounds aren't very busy in the afternoon, so there shouldn't be any interruptions...

[He's put everyone to work elsewhere. No leisure time!!]

[Considering that all the recent times they've had to talk is when someone had a near-death experience... Is it normal, or irregular? Truly, the fact they aren't in some kind of crisis is something to be marveled at. But instead of answering, he opts to biting into what he thinks is at least edible sandwich.

It was a mistake. He hasn't been eating anything but sweets lately either, so this is truly hell. He chokes, ducks his head to pretend like he hasn't, then hastily lifting the glass to wash it down.]

N-Not even the Duke could keep you from spending time with me, anyway~! [he's dying] I just thought I'd let you know so I don't have to kidnap you.

[Oh, wow.

Reim glances down at his own sandwich, hastily comparing the visible edible-levels of both of them. His looks less like charcoal, so maybe he can still eat most of it? Perhaps? He can't believe he's having cookies for lunch... cookies and wine.

That said: what a jealous man.]

I think he could try, but there's not much he can do from his bed. [Reim's two abuses of power now that he's basically in charge: making people actually work and making Rufus Barma stop bouncing off the walls. Amazing.] I'll go, you don't have to make a scene... please.

[He takes a bite of sandwich... and coughs, but he's managing to chew it enough to actually eat it. His eyes are watering? Break is missing this display?]

[Xerxes mumbles something about how Barma doesn't do much of anything anyway, but it's under his breath because he doesn't want Reim to throw more food at him. He's now trying to pry open his sandwich so he can just scrape off the cheese... he's civilized.]

You're making a face, aren't you? [he still Knows] That is insulting to all my hard work, Reim...

O-Of course not-! It's delicious.

[It's not. He sounds strained. He's trying to be nice, appreciate him. Stop scraping cheese, have some decorum!!

One day he'll solve the mystery of whether or not Break did this on purpose, making terrible sandwiches. He's blind, yes, but there's always a chance he secretly knew how to cook all along and is feeding Reim absolute garbage just to be a jerk.

Truly, this is why he yelled at this man until he stopped trying to go off and die. This right here. Reim coughs again and pretends he's not.]

So, how about these cookies...?

[No!! He's pulling this cheese off between two fingers and eating them alone now. Let him live.]

I asked one of the servants to get them just for you. [this is a lie] It was a long and perilous journey... [also a lie] I tried to ensure it was something you'd like. [this is the truth]

They have little fruits on them. [Instead of being overly frosted or anything, they're like. Actually not as unhealthy for you? Look at them.] You like such tasteless things, right?

[Barma servants don't listen to old men from other houses, don't lie... These cookies aren't terrible, but they're much less pure sugar than he'd expect. He has to stare at them while he plucks at the package or he will watch cheese picking and be turned off lunch forever.

fuss fuss]

Tasteless? I suppose I am friends with you. [ZING... he likes you, that's the take away here, because it was unclear after 15 years.] This- infernal packaging-!

[help him blind man]

[Thankfully the fact Reim is too much of a weakling to open this package is enough for him to stop eating like this. Doing this will make him feel better about his shitty meal. He sets his burnt bread down, and leans over the desk take this cookie package.]

You have to be friends with me to open things, since all you do is paper push! [Except... he's also having trouble with this? His expression goes from smug to annoyed the more he tugs on it. Tugging... tugging harder...] It's just-- like-- like this--

[It rips way too much when he gives it his all, spilling cookies and crumbs all over his desk. He freezes, still leaning over it, mouth hanging open.] ... Ahaaa...

[Ah. Reim can handle being made fun of for paper pushing, he's fine with that, but spilling shit all over his desk? Everywhere?

There is a long silence. The very air holds its breath. Then, with a sound somewhat like a balloon deflating, Reim sinks lower and lower in his chair. He's dead, he's dying now.]

Xerxes... [He has no vitality left to panic with, but rest assured, when he reaches up to shove Break's face back over to his goddamn side, the pettiness is there.] Find some way to clean this up, or so help me—!!

[He's scolding from down here in his misery slouch. Clean this up or he'll go tell Barma you smell.]

[There's solace in the fact Reim hasn't hit him over in the head, at least. The fact he's so defeated shouldn't make him laugh, but here he is, laughing his way over to the other side. Reim is miserable, but it's just like old times!! He'll get over it.]

So help you what...? [No, he's not that much of an asshole... Watch him get up and wander around feeling for a waste bin that he's not sure exists here.] You'll clean it yourself? How threatening.

No!! [The waste bin is definitely there, punk, he has at least three. Find it yourself!!]

If you don't, I'll— [Hang on, he'll sit up for this, before he shouts at the underside of his desk and complains about back pain for a day-] I'll be forced to turn you away for the afternoon if I'm picking up crumbs for hours!

[It wouldn't take hours, but. Principle.]

You would spend an entire afternoon on cleaning? That doesn't sound like you're very efficient...

[He's doing his best!! He literally runs into the waste bin, but he grabs it before that can spill too. Phew.]

Are you sure you can handle being so important? [this heir to Barma nonsense... he sighs, dragging his feet to drop it beside the desk and just start blindly sweeping these crumbs over the side. Some of them miss, but he's trying?]

[Don't run into his trash... And don't remind him of his very real and not at all bullshitted in three seconds Heir To Barma duties, he's going to break out in hives.]

Well, it's not as if I have my Pandora duties anymore... [Do you hear this squeaking? That's Reim nervously cleaning his glasses, now that he has to think about the mountain of stress that's sure to lead to his young death.]

Be careful with those crumbs. [half-hearted...... anyway, sighing,] I'll admit, it's a lot to take on myself...

[squeak... squeak.... if he had... some HELP................]

[No more Pandora duties, yet he's doing all this dumb charity work too... Break could point this out, but he doesn't. Instead he pauses, then places a delicate hand on Reim's shoulder.]

I'm told I would be very distracting presence for a young lady's coming of age duties, so it seems you might be stuck with me on top of it all~!

[this is... the asshole way of saying he's sticking around, hey]

[Let him do his charity work, it makes him feel better... But ah, thanks, sort of??]

Oh, that's true—I wonder if I should send a card soon, or some extra hands to help... [Reim: making it all about more work. He clears his throat, like, he's totally focused on not working for real.]

Well, someone has to keep you out of trouble! To no one's surprise, that task falls to me.

Or you could let them handle it. [He says this with a sweet smile, but it's not a suggestion. He squeezes Reim's shoulder real hard to try and get across the fact he shouldn't do that what the fuck. Stop making more work!!]

You can keep me out of trouble, and I can take you to bed. [Ah, phrasing...] I don't want you falling asleep here, now.

[If he doesn't work, his brain stops thinking? Didn't you listen to him that time he was being gay about Gilbert?? Anyway, he hums, like he's thinking about it but he's also thinking about doing the thing he said...

And ah, phrasing. Break can't even see him raise an eyebrow, sad.]

I always get the precise amount of sleep I need to perform well. I thought we were going for a walk.

[He gets it, but also, what about his Promised Relaxation Time?]

[He can't see it, so he's just going to assume his slip up has gone by unnoticed. He's so smooth, obviously? Haha... ha...]

I thought you were threatening to cancel our walk. [Right, these crumbs... He's still missing a few spots after this last sweep into the trash, but don't hold that against him.] You shouldn't act like you wouldn't spend time with me if you actually crave my attention, Reim. Shall we go?

[Look, he's making the herculean effort to not shout about crumbs and go do more work all afternoon, don't test him. He hums, like keep telling yourself that, but he gets up and straightens himself out after that misery slouch he got into for a minute there, anyway. He is Ready.]

Fresh air is good for you! Let's go, before someone who can't do their work properly changes my mind for me.

[Being the boss is the worst. Anyway, after you, blind man... this isn't Reim's idea, he's only going to gently point out obstacles.]

[Um, give him a minute, he didn't actually plan on anything after getting Reim's attention. He takes up the wine bottle in one hand and, though unnecessary, takes one of Reim's in the other to pull him out of the room. They've already established he's coming along and Break knows his way around the house, but like... he wants to.]

If I'm going to be staying here officially, that means I should have a real space in your schedule every day... I'm going to take all your afternoons, now. You can write that down later.

[Xerxes Break, people are going to see this scandalous display...!! Just kidding, it was already established that Reim literally got rid of everyone for the afternoon, conveniently. No one will see this scandal except Reim. Literally no one else. So he will allow it.]

I need my afternoons, Xerxes. [sigh!!] But after work hours, I'm free.

[Take his evenings, instead? That works out better for everyone.]

But you never stop working... You're depressing me already.

[Is he whining? A little. He's whining while he's wining, because he's definitely just drinking straight from the bottle as they go now.]

You'll have to promise me you'll be done before it's dark out, then. [Hm.] And you can't take advantage of the fact it is always dark for me.

[This guy. Reim considers confiscating the wine bottle, but he doesn't want to start some 5-year-old level keep-away game here on the way outside. But god, ease up a little.

how dare you take his excellent blind joke]

You can still hear the clock chime. But alright, alright, unless there's an emergency, I promise I will be finished before dark. A routine is good for productivity!

[Ha ha he can make anything about work.]

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