answer your god damn phone

[dialtones]

[How many calls had he missed from Leorio alone?

Honestly, he preferred not to look at the number. It was wrong, but this wasn't something he could pull any of them into. He'd been wrapped up in his own little world, paying attention to the news enough when it related to his work and his end goal, and while he could have gone to the elections or even to visit Gon (his comrades had, after all), he decided against it. Visiting would have just opened up a whole can of other problems.

Maybe it went against what he'd been thinking before, but he had matured a bit since then. With the Spider desperately working to repair itself, and plenty of its members still on the move, Kurapika had to consider how to handle them-- but he was also sitting right on top of the location of the eyes of his brethren. He had to work up to it, and well... That's what he'd done.

There were a large amount of them recovered (he had to deal with a lot of people to get this collection) and given funerals, but it wasn't enough until he had every last set. There were still leads to follow, and so he continued to climb and gain Nostrade's trust.

Trust, though, is what leads him to pulling his cell phone out now. A strange illness was breaking out in the Nostrade organization, and it was worrying Nostrade himself. A few of his workers had already died, and panic was growing. He demanded that Kurapika find him someone to find out what was going on, but to be sure it was someone they could 'trust', because this could very well be an attack on them.

A doctor that he could trust? His first thought was that there was none. But after just a moment's more hesitation, he gives in and speaks his understanding clearly to Nostrade, hitting the call button on his phone and stepping away. His opposite hand curls at his elbow as he waits. This is pulling him in, but if it's just Leorio... It'll be easier to keep him in the dark about a lot of what he's been doing.

He'll use that to justify this selfish decision.]

Leorio?

Comments

[speeddial]

[Maddeningly, the first thing that comes to mind is so what? So they have different goals and Kurapika's are more dangerous - what does that matter? He's here now, isn't he, and-

Isn't that supposed to count for something?]

I'm not becoming a doctor for myself. [It's only getting there that he has to do for himself, because friends can't exactly take his exams for him. He's never intended to become a doctor for himself, which seems like an important distinction to make between his goals and Kurapika's.

And besides, he's pretty sure his Hunter License could get him in an out of medical school on his own schedule indefinitely, even if the board wouldn't be too pleased with him. Still, that's not the point.]

And I already told you, I didn't come all the way here for me, either. What's so damn hard about that for you to get, Kurapika? I'm here.

[Because he wants to be, because he'd rather be here than spinning in his desk chair for hours and wondering, rather be here than repeating all the other dumb shit he does with his time— But he just frowns and goes to check on Melody's condition before he gets to work with nen.]

[dialtones]

[At first, Kurapika is quiet. He's not doing a thing for himself, and that's the whole point. What did he have to do to get him to start? He lingers between the doorway and Leorio as he does the checkup, his fingers slowly curling at his sides.]

How long are you willing to stay here for me?

[The question comes out of nowhere, probably, but it sounds pretty emotional. Kurapika was an emotional guy, no matter how he tried to conceal it.]

Why can't you do something for yourself!

[speeddial]

[It's really fortunate that Melody is asleep right now, because they're already making a scene. Leorio can't help but wonder what it will take for Kurapika to accept that even if he has his own goals, the people he cares about are always going to come first. He'll drop everything for them at any time, and it's not hurting him to do it. Honestly, it's more for himself than he admits, but- it's mostly for them!!

Does he have to actually say it? Damn.]

Why does it matter so much? Can't you just shut up and appreciate that someone cares about you when you don't care about yourself?!

[Wow, Melody's bedspread is fascinating this morning, he's going to stare at it intently while he shoves his foot in his mouth.]

[dialtones]

Idiot!

[A stronger outburst from Kurapika shades any reaction of surprise he might have had to those comments otherwise. One of his feet stomps down as his arms go rigid at his sides. All morning-- no, the entire time Leorio has been here, it's been all sorts of emotions! He knows they get in the way, that it's a weakness and it's no good, but something bubbling beneath the surface begs to come out without him even realizing what it is.]

Are you daft?! Listen to yourself! I'm trying to tell you the same thing!

[If Leorio cares for his own well-being, he hasn't really seen it. Joking selfishness over money, all actually for a selfless cause. Flying over here, putting up with him never answering the phone, saving him, doing all of this...]

[speeddial]

[Okay, who is the chain-licker here, be honest.

Rather, Leorio's so surprised by that outburst he forgets to be embarrassed by his own, rounding on Kurapika to get up (down) in his face. It's strange; he thought when Kurapika got better they'd be less tense, but apparently that only made it worse.]

And I'm telling you you're wrong!! Stop treating me like an idiot for once and listen to me! [And suddenly, he doesn't know what he wants to say. He doesn't know where he should start, coming here or the phone calls or some other time, so he starts by jabbing a finger into Kurapika's chest and scowling at him.]

It's not one or the other, Kurapika— I don't have to pick one of us to care about and forget the other one! It doesn't work like that!

[dialtones]

[Honestly, in this argument, Kurapika isn't firm on what he's wanting to say either. It's there, the tension, the desire to fight it, the anger-- but why? Sometimes he has a point he knows, and then in just a few words it's gone, batted away with logic. But there's something there he needs to get out, and so he's not going to stop this fight.

There's no one here to judge him for it, anyway, or he'd be more concerned by his appearance in this childish arguing. It's just Melody, who's honestly probably falling into a sleep coma from their unpleasantly sad and angry heartbeats.

He gets on his toes to stand taller, pressing more into Leorio's space to make up for their height difference.]

Then why are you accusing me of not caring for myself?! I avoided you this whole time so that I could complete my goals!

[But there's always a point in the yelling where he breaks, and that comes now. He clicks his tongue and looks away, even if he doesn't back up.] When you all helped before, I put you all in danger. I lost control more than once. I don't want you to see that! It's entirely selfish!

[speeddial]

[They're going in circles. Lopsided, confused circles, but circles all the same. Arguing with Kurapika is nothing new, but something about this time is different— something about this one Leorio doesn't want to lose, without being able to pinpoint why.

They really don't have time for this, and yet here they are.]

You're selfish, but you still don't care about yourself! [Listen, he's going somewhere with this. But first he stoops to knock his forehead into Kurapika's, for emphasis.] You take everything too far, just look at you! Look at where you are!

[He stops yelling then, since he's up in Kurapika's business anyway.] You run around getting into trouble and you won't even believe you have somewhere to go back to when you've finished, so what does that mean? What are you really doing, all by yourself?

[dialtones]

[All of his teacher's concerned words come back to mind at that. That he was chaining himself down, not the Spiders. That he was over the top and running himself into a corner. It angers him, because none of them can understand what he went through. Leorio is the closest, but the pain of having your whole clan wiped out-- how could anyone understand what he was feeling?

He scowls further at the forehead bump.]

I'm-- [He feels really upset. It hurts, but it's not clear to him why. Does he want to tell Leorio to go home after this or ask him to say? Both seem wrong.] --working towards my goal! I'm-- [He doesn't want him to go. But he should. For multiple reasons, he should!

His expression looks a little more pained now, and his voice lowers.] I don't know!

[He doesn't really know. He's put everything towards reaching his goal no matter what. He has all these elaborate plans, but he's not sure how to answer 'what are you really doing, all by yourself?']

[speeddial]

[This isn't exactly what Leorio had in mind. It isn't much of a victory, upsetting Kurapika to the point where he's apparently run out of biting retorts, and now he just feels - bad. Damn it, he can't be angry and guilty at the same time, that's too much.

He straightens up again but doesn't step back, glancing down and to the side. Will he get anything right in this argument yet, apparently not...]

You should've figured that out by now. You shouldn't need me to ask— [ah] But it looks like you do, so here!

[He holds his arms out at his sides, a big gangly scarecrow of concern-Kurapika-is-stuck-with.] Now what!

[dialtones]

[Now what? Now what.

Kurapika stares after him, trying to find another thing to say. Another retort, because it feels like this conversation or argument isn't over yet, but he can't. It's stuck in his throat, and he can only look down at his right hand, the chains clinking softly with the motion.]

You should get back to helping Melody.

[He needs some time to think. Maybe that will help whatever these feelings are. At the very least, he understands that saying that alone is cold, and so he adds:] We can talk after. I'll be quiet this time.

[speeddial]

[One of these days, Kurapika isn't going to be able to knock the fight out of him in a second with a dismissal like that. Probably. Leorio stands there staring at him for another moment, still with his arms raised, expression going from frustrated to simply uncomfortable. He drops his hands to his sides with a sigh, feeling even more out of sorts than he did before they started fighting.

But he has people to help.]

You— [No, forget it. He turns away, to Melody.] Alright, alright. Later.

[dialtones]

[They could keep yelling about nothing for an hour?? Kurapika isn't sure what's going on with himself, but it's distressing and it half makes him want to hide away even further. But he's recognizing that now. He's thinking straight for the first time in a long while.

Is he just making excuses?

Kurapika moves to sit in the chair nearby, and like he said, he's silent the whole time. For the majority of it, he stays hunched over himself, his arms resting on his legs with hands intertwined in front of his face. Just thinking.

If or when Leorio manages to finish, Kurapika does look up and over, offer a smile of relief and exclaim that he's glad she's alright, but he leaves her to most of the talking. Thanking Leorio, saying she was glad he was here and giving ominous glances across the room at Kurapika (did she think he didn't see that?), and mentioning that she'd like to rest just a while longer, but that Leorio should do the same.

That's when Kurapika stands up.]

We can head back upstairs for that. [A suggestion... Leorio pretty much knocked out at the last time, but that was in the middle of the night. Maybe just a rest?]

[speeddial]

[Doing this a second time isn't less taxing, necessarily, but it's easier with experience. Leorio's worn out when it's done, but seeing Melody well and speaking to them again gets him all emotional again. She's a good person, and he manages not to blubber about it, somehow. He'll take the excuse to get out of there, nodding and rubbing at his eyes which are not crying!! and sort of mutely shuffling toward the door.

Man, it'll be great when he doesn't cry over the might-as-well-be-nameless strangers when he gets to curing them, too.]

[dialtones]

[Ah... Endearing. He exchanges a soft glance with Melody as they leave and can only take it to mean he should be nice. Right... A little late for that, but he'll keep it in mind. When the door shuts behind him, Kurapika looks up and over at Leorio, holding back from smiling at that nerdy not-crying.]

It's okay to cry, you know.

[speeddial]

[Kurapika, the hot seat is not the place to be making little endeared comments about his not-crying from. He drags a sleeve across his face - thanks for paying for this suit, by the way, as he uses it as tissue - and squints at Kurapika as irritably as he can manage like- this.]

Shut up. [The weakest 'shut up' ever spoken, he's in a state.]

[dialtones]

Honestly...

[Rude. He looks more exasperated than insulted by that comment, though, sighing lightly and giving him a few more minutes before he speaks up.]

Leorio, I have been thinking about everything you've been saying. But I have a question I want to ask before anything else.

What is it that you want me to do? I'm 'over the top', I ignore you, I don't know what I'm doing all by myself. Right? [A glance.] So what should I be doing?

[speeddial]

[What the hell happened to resting, you little busybody. Ten seconds out of Melody's room, and he drops the hardest question for Leorio to answer right on his head. Leorio's tired, he wanted at least a couple minutes, come on.]

Dunno. [Wait, he's not done.] I'm not you, Kurapika, but- back there- it didn't sound like you could see what you're doing to yourself.

[A beat.]

And you could stand to answer your goddamn phone once in a while.

[dialtones]

[He was too busy crying, but look, they're headed down the hall towards an empty one of those rooms. Probably better than going up and downstairs a bunch.]

I already told you why I haven't been. [So shut up. He'd toss Leorio a look if he wasn't pointedly looking away by now, frowning in his thought.] What do you mean, what I'm doing to myself?

[speeddial]

[He didn't cry!! much. But fine, just give him a place to flop uselessly.]

Are you serious? [It's probably lucky that he doesn't have the energy to yell too much right now.] You're a mess. You spent days coughing up blood because some fat old man worried about people sneezing less than thirty feet away!

[dialtones]

You know why I'm working here. If you could see the number of eyes I was able to recover...

[He's so mad, but he's trying his best not to get into a yelling fight again. So he just sort of stomps over to the door and holds the handle, hesitating there for a moment.]

If I answered the phone, what would have changed?

[speeddial]

[He's this close to snapping back that he gets it about the eyes, already, but mercifully even his tired brain realizes that would go over about as poorly as possible.

Instead, he scowls; thanks for making it sound like he extra wasted his time.]

What do you think? Sorry the stick up your ass doesn't like me very much!

[Can he please go lie down now.]

[dialtones]

What I think...

[He pushes open the door, and Leorio's free to follow him, but he's already stepping across the room in a heated walk that soon becomes pacing. So, I mean, he can try to lie down in the bed there if he wants...]

Is that even if I told you what I wanted, it wouldn't do anything! It wouldn't be possible! You can't neglect your schooling, and I can't back out of what I'm doing now!

[So that leaves the question of what exactly he's talking about here, but. His pacing stops suddenly.] Doesn't it bother you? How is it that we're friends when everything I do aggravates you?

[speeddial]

[He'll sit, okay, because he really is tired. Apparently he's not getting a real rest, so he'll just watch Kurapika pace back and forth for a bit. Somewhere in there he throws in an "I'm neglecting my schooling right now," as if that helps his case.

Does it help his case? He doesn't know anymore.]

Not everything. [helpful correction] Just the dumb things that'll get you in trouble.

[Wait. Wait wait wait, did he miss a detail in there.] What do you want, Kurapika?

[dialtones]

[Just the dumb things that'll get him in trouble. But that's everything he's been doing lately, isn't it? Maybe it's just that Leorio has been too separated from the situation to understand. He always goes along in the end. That's key, isn't it?

His stomach twists now, with something like uncertainty. What does he want.

He thinks he knows now, and it's made him afraid, more than anything. He's got his back to Leorio right now because his eyes always feel too expressive.]

To kill the Spider and get my brethren's eyes back. [He's not done, this time--] But I... don't want to be alone.

[No, that didn't explain it enough.]

[speeddial]

[He's waiting for something else, and it's only when the seconds have dragged too long for another statement to follow that Leorio realizes he was waiting at all. It can't just be that he doesn't want to be alone, because that would be- easy. Easy to fix.

Well, if Leorio had a say in it, it wouldn't have been a problem from the start. He huffs an impatient breath and crosses his arms, but doesn't say anything yet. Should he, honestly? How presumptuous of him is it to think he has the right to elbow his way in here, off the phone, actively?

About as presumptuous as it is to call Kurapika all the time and then be surprised when he's listened to the stupid voicemails, so, okay. With that crisis out of the way...]

You don't have to be. Moron.