dumbshow | answer your god damn phone

[Honestly, in this argument, Kurapika isn't firm on what he's wanting to say either. It's there, the tension, the desire to fight it, the anger-- but why? Sometimes he has a point he knows, and then in just a few words it's gone, batted away with logic. But there's something there he needs to get out, and so he's not going to stop this fight.

There's no one here to judge him for it, anyway, or he'd be more concerned by his appearance in this childish arguing. It's just Melody, who's honestly probably falling into a sleep coma from their unpleasantly sad and angry heartbeats.

He gets on his toes to stand taller, pressing more into Leorio's space to make up for their height difference.]

Then why are you accusing me of not caring for myself?! I avoided you this whole time so that I could complete my goals!

[But there's always a point in the yelling where he breaks, and that comes now. He clicks his tongue and looks away, even if he doesn't back up.] When you all helped before, I put you all in danger. I lost control more than once. I don't want you to see that! It's entirely selfish!

[They're going in circles. Lopsided, confused circles, but circles all the same. Arguing with Kurapika is nothing new, but something about this time is different— something about this one Leorio doesn't want to lose, without being able to pinpoint why.

They really don't have time for this, and yet here they are.]

You're selfish, but you still don't care about yourself! [Listen, he's going somewhere with this. But first he stoops to knock his forehead into Kurapika's, for emphasis.] You take everything too far, just look at you! Look at where you are!

[He stops yelling then, since he's up in Kurapika's business anyway.] You run around getting into trouble and you won't even believe you have somewhere to go back to when you've finished, so what does that mean? What are you really doing, all by yourself?

[All of his teacher's concerned words come back to mind at that. That he was chaining himself down, not the Spiders. That he was over the top and running himself into a corner. It angers him, because none of them can understand what he went through. Leorio is the closest, but the pain of having your whole clan wiped out-- how could anyone understand what he was feeling?

He scowls further at the forehead bump.]

I'm-- [He feels really upset. It hurts, but it's not clear to him why. Does he want to tell Leorio to go home after this or ask him to say? Both seem wrong.] --working towards my goal! I'm-- [He doesn't want him to go. But he should. For multiple reasons, he should!

His expression looks a little more pained now, and his voice lowers.] I don't know!

[He doesn't really know. He's put everything towards reaching his goal no matter what. He has all these elaborate plans, but he's not sure how to answer 'what are you really doing, all by yourself?']

[This isn't exactly what Leorio had in mind. It isn't much of a victory, upsetting Kurapika to the point where he's apparently run out of biting retorts, and now he just feels - bad. Damn it, he can't be angry and guilty at the same time, that's too much.

He straightens up again but doesn't step back, glancing down and to the side. Will he get anything right in this argument yet, apparently not...]

You should've figured that out by now. You shouldn't need me to ask— [ah] But it looks like you do, so here!

[He holds his arms out at his sides, a big gangly scarecrow of concern-Kurapika-is-stuck-with.] Now what!

[Now what? Now what.

Kurapika stares after him, trying to find another thing to say. Another retort, because it feels like this conversation or argument isn't over yet, but he can't. It's stuck in his throat, and he can only look down at his right hand, the chains clinking softly with the motion.]

You should get back to helping Melody.

[He needs some time to think. Maybe that will help whatever these feelings are. At the very least, he understands that saying that alone is cold, and so he adds:] We can talk after. I'll be quiet this time.

[One of these days, Kurapika isn't going to be able to knock the fight out of him in a second with a dismissal like that. Probably. Leorio stands there staring at him for another moment, still with his arms raised, expression going from frustrated to simply uncomfortable. He drops his hands to his sides with a sigh, feeling even more out of sorts than he did before they started fighting.

But he has people to help.]

You— [No, forget it. He turns away, to Melody.] Alright, alright. Later.

[They could keep yelling about nothing for an hour?? Kurapika isn't sure what's going on with himself, but it's distressing and it half makes him want to hide away even further. But he's recognizing that now. He's thinking straight for the first time in a long while.

Is he just making excuses?

Kurapika moves to sit in the chair nearby, and like he said, he's silent the whole time. For the majority of it, he stays hunched over himself, his arms resting on his legs with hands intertwined in front of his face. Just thinking.

If or when Leorio manages to finish, Kurapika does look up and over, offer a smile of relief and exclaim that he's glad she's alright, but he leaves her to most of the talking. Thanking Leorio, saying she was glad he was here and giving ominous glances across the room at Kurapika (did she think he didn't see that?), and mentioning that she'd like to rest just a while longer, but that Leorio should do the same.

That's when Kurapika stands up.]

We can head back upstairs for that. [A suggestion... Leorio pretty much knocked out at the last time, but that was in the middle of the night. Maybe just a rest?]

[Doing this a second time isn't less taxing, necessarily, but it's easier with experience. Leorio's worn out when it's done, but seeing Melody well and speaking to them again gets him all emotional again. She's a good person, and he manages not to blubber about it, somehow. He'll take the excuse to get out of there, nodding and rubbing at his eyes which are not crying!! and sort of mutely shuffling toward the door.

Man, it'll be great when he doesn't cry over the might-as-well-be-nameless strangers when he gets to curing them, too.]

[Ah... Endearing. He exchanges a soft glance with Melody as they leave and can only take it to mean he should be nice. Right... A little late for that, but he'll keep it in mind. When the door shuts behind him, Kurapika looks up and over at Leorio, holding back from smiling at that nerdy not-crying.]

It's okay to cry, you know.

[Kurapika, the hot seat is not the place to be making little endeared comments about his not-crying from. He drags a sleeve across his face - thanks for paying for this suit, by the way, as he uses it as tissue - and squints at Kurapika as irritably as he can manage like- this.]

Shut up. [The weakest 'shut up' ever spoken, he's in a state.]

Honestly...

[Rude. He looks more exasperated than insulted by that comment, though, sighing lightly and giving him a few more minutes before he speaks up.]

Leorio, I have been thinking about everything you've been saying. But I have a question I want to ask before anything else.

What is it that you want me to do? I'm 'over the top', I ignore you, I don't know what I'm doing all by myself. Right? [A glance.] So what should I be doing?

[What the hell happened to resting, you little busybody. Ten seconds out of Melody's room, and he drops the hardest question for Leorio to answer right on his head. Leorio's tired, he wanted at least a couple minutes, come on.]

Dunno. [Wait, he's not done.] I'm not you, Kurapika, but- back there- it didn't sound like you could see what you're doing to yourself.

[A beat.]

And you could stand to answer your goddamn phone once in a while.

[He was too busy crying, but look, they're headed down the hall towards an empty one of those rooms. Probably better than going up and downstairs a bunch.]

I already told you why I haven't been. [So shut up. He'd toss Leorio a look if he wasn't pointedly looking away by now, frowning in his thought.] What do you mean, what I'm doing to myself?

[He didn't cry!! much. But fine, just give him a place to flop uselessly.]

Are you serious? [It's probably lucky that he doesn't have the energy to yell too much right now.] You're a mess. You spent days coughing up blood because some fat old man worried about people sneezing less than thirty feet away!

You know why I'm working here. If you could see the number of eyes I was able to recover...

[He's so mad, but he's trying his best not to get into a yelling fight again. So he just sort of stomps over to the door and holds the handle, hesitating there for a moment.]

If I answered the phone, what would have changed?

[He's this close to snapping back that he gets it about the eyes, already, but mercifully even his tired brain realizes that would go over about as poorly as possible.

Instead, he scowls; thanks for making it sound like he extra wasted his time.]

What do you think? Sorry the stick up your ass doesn't like me very much!

[Can he please go lie down now.]

What I think...

[He pushes open the door, and Leorio's free to follow him, but he's already stepping across the room in a heated walk that soon becomes pacing. So, I mean, he can try to lie down in the bed there if he wants...]

Is that even if I told you what I wanted, it wouldn't do anything! It wouldn't be possible! You can't neglect your schooling, and I can't back out of what I'm doing now!

[So that leaves the question of what exactly he's talking about here, but. His pacing stops suddenly.] Doesn't it bother you? How is it that we're friends when everything I do aggravates you?

[He'll sit, okay, because he really is tired. Apparently he's not getting a real rest, so he'll just watch Kurapika pace back and forth for a bit. Somewhere in there he throws in an "I'm neglecting my schooling right now," as if that helps his case.

Does it help his case? He doesn't know anymore.]

Not everything. [helpful correction] Just the dumb things that'll get you in trouble.

[Wait. Wait wait wait, did he miss a detail in there.] What do you want, Kurapika?

[Just the dumb things that'll get him in trouble. But that's everything he's been doing lately, isn't it? Maybe it's just that Leorio has been too separated from the situation to understand. He always goes along in the end. That's key, isn't it?

His stomach twists now, with something like uncertainty. What does he want.

He thinks he knows now, and it's made him afraid, more than anything. He's got his back to Leorio right now because his eyes always feel too expressive.]

To kill the Spider and get my brethren's eyes back. [He's not done, this time--] But I... don't want to be alone.

[No, that didn't explain it enough.]

[He's waiting for something else, and it's only when the seconds have dragged too long for another statement to follow that Leorio realizes he was waiting at all. It can't just be that he doesn't want to be alone, because that would be- easy. Easy to fix.

Well, if Leorio had a say in it, it wouldn't have been a problem from the start. He huffs an impatient breath and crosses his arms, but doesn't say anything yet. Should he, honestly? How presumptuous of him is it to think he has the right to elbow his way in here, off the phone, actively?

About as presumptuous as it is to call Kurapika all the time and then be surprised when he's listened to the stupid voicemails, so, okay. With that crisis out of the way...]

You don't have to be. Moron.

No, wait.

[He's not... done yet, he realizes, and forces himself to turn around. He's across the room even still because this is strange and he has no idea what he's doing. But he feels like he's a little closer to the words he was looking for.

That might be enough. Or it'll go right over Leorio's head and he'll go off to die in shame. Either way.]

It's not only that I don't want to be alone. It's, despite everything... [He keeps trailing off, leaving long pauses between his words like he's struggling with them. And with this, he still tries to look confident, chin raised and hands at his sides from this distance.

If he gets too close, he doesn't know what he'll do, he doesn't know how it'd go. At least here, he's close to the door. That seems to be how he's always done things.

He lets out a short, annoyed sigh at himself.]

I think it's better, for your sake, not to be here, for any of this. [A pause.] But for myself, I think... That is to say, I don't want to be...

[He's actually fumbling over his words here, ah, damn it. He can search and search and search for words all he wants, but what's coming out here seems to come straight from his feelings, skipping his brain entirely. He's not sure if it makes sense. If it will make sense.]

...without you.

[So there is more. Leorio waits, through the pausing and stumbling over words, and just listens. It's difficult in exactly one spot, when Kurapika more or less says he should leave- but before he can interrupt with yet another hotheaded objection to what is and isn't good for him, there's the rest.

Oh.] Oh.

[He blinks, then blinks rapidly a few more times, trying to shake the surprise off his face. He realizes at once that he assumed the worst, that Kurapika would send him home without him having any say in it and they would go back to the same thing— and that he didn't want that, wouldn't accept it. As always, he came prepared for an argument- from the time he picked up the phone in his apartment, he was ready to tell Kurapika no when it came to this part.

He doesn't know what to tell him now. Brow creased, he looks down, drums his fingers against his arm. There's so much more at stake here than what he mentally prepared for.

He knows this: Kurapika is much better with words than he is, and he's going to blow it. But for all his complaints, he can't imagine giving up. Or at the moment, looking Kurapika in the eye, but baby steps.]

I think... [He finally starts, and of course he's copying how Kurapika said it, he's no wordsmith. His is shorter.] I can't agree with anything here. The mafia. [A brief scowl, then he addresses his elbow, like an adult:] But I don't want to- leave you.

[Ah. That's... it's a warm reaction now, in his chest and spreading through him, even if fear is still there. Of course it would be. He doesn't want to lose anyone else. He doesn't want to hurt anyone or interrupt anything-- there are so many worries.

But running away now would be too cruel. He realizes that, at least a little.

He looks down, a small, quiet laugh escaping in a breath before he moves to hesitantly step forward.]

It seems neither of us really know what to say here. [At least they're in the same boat. He can be a little comforted by that, and so he says it aloud in hopes that Leorio can be, too. He sits next to him, but for all that he's better with words, he's still staring at his own lap.]

I could tell you that our money comes entirely from legal means. Or I could say that I'm not opposed to finding a new way of handling things, should that come along.

But I don't think you'll like to see me in my work. I can hardly stand it myself.

[Leorio silently awards himself a point for not blowing it. Maybe not succeeding, but not screwing up more than he did all morning. He glances sideways at Kurapika when he sits, raising an eyebrow.

They haven't solved anything, but somehow Leorio feels a little lighter. He doesn't know where he'll be when this is over, whenever that is, so he has no reason to feel relieved- except for the fact that Kurapika doesn't want to be without him.

He turns that phrase over in his mind a few times, remembering it. It's good. Part of him even debates being happy, before getting embarrassed.]

Damn it, Kurapika. [That comes out with next to no actual anger, as he leans and bumps into Kurapika's shoulder.] You had to get stuck in this job, didn't you?

[He blinks at that, the smallest hint of a smile at the corners of his mouth as he leans back. There's another bump of their shoulders, and then he stays there, leaning a bit.

Part of him is surprise Leorio is being so calm right now. Did all of his message really get through? He thinks so, but this is smoother than he thought it would go.]

Sorry. It's my fault entirely, so I can't say much else. [He's psycho about this eye thing, he knows it.] I didn't meant to take from your resting time, either. Were you going to sleep?

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