dumbshow | highly new, slightly improved open post

highly new, slightly improved open post

assorted morons

optional prompts/ideas

☆ caught in the rain meme
☆ little steps meme
☆ affectionate physical contact meme
☆ picture prompt also acceptable but link them so it's tidy
☆ AU ideas: soulmates AU, reincarnation AU, Bad End AU, canon divergent/roleswap AU, dorky college AU, crossover AU, super indulgent high fantasy AU
☆ melodrama is ultimate tier
★ SHIPPING AND FUCC:
☆ non-fluffy relationship types I'm down for: codependent, master/servant power imbalance type ships, "we're bad for each other but worse for anyone else," other things I am failing to think of tbh
☆ things I am not into: noncon (includes "dubcon"), incest, tsundere shit if your tsundere is just verbally abusive, gratuitous torture porn, you'll probably have to ask me about harder kinks and they will vary by character
☆ I don't have a kink list so pitch me an idea if u thirsty
☆ if you would prefer a locked post I can also make that happen

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[How does one explain this... particular sensation of remembering? He's never had to before, so he looks up at the sky again while he thinks about it.]

I remember having the same conversation with you over and over. [Which is more or less the "coming to the park a lot" experience for guests, but he's not going to delve into that.] More or less the same, anyway.

[...]

Why me?

[There's a touch of amusement in the way he asks, but still, he's... not nice. They've been over that much.]

[It's a good question, frankly. He isn't nice. He isn't built for that role. He isn't really even much of an NPC; just the guy who lures you in and maybe sets you up on one of the more dangerous quests. You talk to him a handful of times, but there's hosts with bigger roles. There's more attractive ones, too; there's a fair few who get hauled off to play with, but Kakyoin usually isn't one.

So why him?]

You're mean.

[It's faint and slow, but he doesn't take it back.]

I mean-- there's a lot who are built to just be nice, but it never feels genuine. It just feels like-- like store employees, you know? Like they don't really see me. But you were never nice. You just said what you were thinking, no matter what we were talking about. You never tried to make me feel good, you just acted like a normal person.

I didn't want somebody who'd tell me how great I am. [Or, worse: someone built to pleasure him. He might be distracted by dancing girls or bare skin, but he's never pursued those flirtatious words.] I just--

You're real. And I like you.

[He laughs first, sudden and surprised and hastily cut off, but oh-- because he is mean, alright. Somehow, this- the laughing- isn't meant to be cruel; he's genuinely pleased, but he can control himself long enough to hear the rest of Polnareff's explanation.

His kneejerk reaction is cynical - he wasn't real until recently, not really, right? Someone in a white coat in a glass room put him together like this and maybe didn't mean for people like Polnareff to get attached, but it isn't discouraged, so...

Still. You're real. He likes to hear it.]

Why would I tell you how great you are? [laughable.....] Your head's big enough.

[There are so many things Kakyoin still doesn't know, and some of his questions he's sure he'll never have an answer to, but he knows this: this thing, sitting on a rooftop talking to Polnareff, that's real enough, regardless of how the rest shakes out.]

Here I thought you'd say it's because I'm bossy, again.

I mean, I like that too, don't get me wrong.

[Good. Some of the tension eases out of him, and though he looks Kakyoin over a few extra seconds, just to be sure that was really all right. But he's smiling, and Polnareff finally shifts-- and if his hand moves as he does it, fingers brushing lightly against Kakyoin's, well, that's just a coincidence, right?]

But you never . . . even when I talked about Sher, you never pandered. Even when you weren't being mean, you were just . . . normal.

[But that's enough about that. There's no need to gush. Polnareff leans back, resting his weight on his other hand, watching the sun as it dips low on the horizon. And it's nice, really. Silent, at least for a few seconds. Right up until something occurs to him, and he adds:]

Oye! You'll have to get used to pants! They're way better than yukatas, it'll be great.

[Mean and bossy, these are his appealing qualities... That's the opposite kind of encouragement that he should be given, so good luck, Polnareff. Kakyoin doesn't acknowledge the brush of his hand or move away- good sign?- but he isn't exactly surprised after the whole screed about how real and likable he is.

So it's a nice moment, soft, and then Polnareff blows it by talking about pants. Why? Why.]

Pants. [where will he hide his KNIFE] I guess I don't have a choice when it comes to getting out of here...

[Can he wear a yukata at Polnareff's place? That's the ideal.]

You said you'd bring a friend to switch me with. Who?

Ah! Jotaro. My best friend.

[Well, one of two, but whatever! He leans in, and it's not flirtatious this time, just excited. He's an excitable guy, he likes getting in all close.]

He's bigger than you-- by a lot, actually, you might have to wear boots or something-- and he looks like this asshole, but he's really great! I mean, he's a huge dick sometimes, but he's also the most loyal friend I've got. I'd trust him with anything. Definitely trust him with this, he'll hate it as much as I do, he'll wanna charge right in, he's loyal and incredibly brave and amazing.

And when he gets back . . . we three can figure out what we wanna do with . . .

[He gestures with one arm. All this.]

[What Kakyoin is learning here is he's somehow thrown his lot in with not one, but two giant dudes with a Strong Sense of Justice. And how does one go about wearing boots...]

So you're saying all the subterfuge is up to me.

[Charging right in! Guys! Kakyoin waves a hand, like fine, he's accepted this much already. He will use their collective one brain cell in this operation.

It also occurs to him dimly that Polnareff has to leave to come back with this Jotaro person, and the necessary disguises or whatever else... He knew this, but the thought of having to play along with his stupid role for a few days or however long before they come back is... unpleasant, at best. It's worth it to get out of here, he tells himself, and he will make himself believe it instead of feeling anxiety. Horrors.

It's getting darker more quickly now. He wonders if someone will miss him at the inn and end this all before it begins--]

Well... I'm counting on you.

I won't let you down!

[It's loud and boisterous, almost overwhelming in its enthusiasm. But he very much means it, evident in the way he smiles over at Kakyoin.

He leaves, and it's bittersweet. He worries Kakyoin won't remember, that Polnareff will come back and he'll stare blankly at him, but if that's so, there's nothing he can do about it. So why worry? Better to just focus on the present.

Jotaro is on board, of course, just as Polnareff knew he'd be. He doesn't yell, doesn't look outraged, that isn't his way, but the swiftness with which he agrees is telling. Within an hour he's ready to go, but they wait until two days, arriving late in the afternoon, just to avoid any suspicions.

Jotaro in a yukata looks very different from Kakyoin, both in bulk and height, but, Polnareff considers as they three head into a back room, it's better than nothing. It's the best plan they've got, so no more doubting thoughts.]

Ready to dye your hair? Oh-- yeah, this is Jotaro--

[Priorities, because it's hard not to just focus his attention on Kakyoin.]

[Kakyoin knows it's not going to be much of a long wait - Polnareff genuinely cannot resist this already, to say nothing of his apparently very justice-prone friend - but it's still torturous. He slips easily enough back into his role, and if any of the other hosts even notice that he's more aggressive and standoffish than usual, they don't say anything. The first night he has to dodge a drunk guest with a mind to shut him up one way or another, but!

It's fine! It's done another day later, when Polnareff comes back to the Lotus Petal with, jesus, a small mountain? Where do these giant men find each other?]

I'd rather die, [ha] but let's get this over with.

[His poor, beautiful hair... He manages to spare Jotaro a glance and a nod, unsure of him even with Polnareff's glowing recommendation. To be fair - that's probably how Jotaro feels about him at this precise moment, morals and ethics and whatever else aside.

But back to his more pressing personal tragedy:] Do you know how to do this?

Yeah.

[What a smooth, easy lie. He busies himself with pouring varying liquids into a bowl, wrinkling his nose very lightly at the smell.]

We won't even need to bleach it. Lucky you, huh?

[How did he get in here with all of that? The mysterious continue to build. Kakyoin takes a seat and resigns himself to fate.]

Hardly. What is that? Am I going to smell like that?

[It's not the only thing he's got. They'd had to smuggle in some modern clothes, all the better to disguise him with. But oh, right, he's still got that 1500's mindset--]

It's just dye. Uh. I don't know what chemicals they use . . .

[He glances up at Jotaro, who shrugs.]

But it's safe! And yeah, a little, but you can take a bath before we leave.

[They are trying to poison him, or at least his dignity. He knew it...]

Won't it come out, then...?

[Help, he's out of his depth. He will never survive in a place where that smell is a normal thing to slop on your own head.]

Nah. It's permanent-- it'll take a while to fade out. Like. Weeks, that kinda thing.

[Dye successfully mixed, he glances behind him, then nods towards his backpack.]

You oughta take a look at the clothes.

[Because if the dye is baffling, jeans are going to be fun.]

[Weeks........ Alright, fine. He sighs and moves to look through the backpack. His expectations are in the ground, so this might just go fairly well, relatively.]

How do you know this is going to fit me?

I guessed.

[Now the cracks in the foundation begin to show . . . but at least he brought him relatively simple clothes. Jeans and socks and sneakers, alongside a long-sleeved black shirt. Nice clothes, and coincidentally the very same Jotaro had come in wearing, albeit in a smaller size.]

So long as they won't fall off, it doesn't matter if they fit perfectly.

It matters to me, the person who has to wear these...

[He's holding up the jeans now, and real confession: he's not even sure which side is the front. It's going to be a long and arduous escape, huh.]

Well, let's not ruin these with whatever you're going to dump on my head. Is it ready yet?

Yeah. Yeah, just--

[The good news: the kit came with a bottle, and sealing the dye in there cuts down on the smell. The bad news: this is going to involve a lot more touching than they're used to. He stands, comes over so he can sit right behind the other man.]

Close your eyes and keep still, okay? It's gonna be a little chilly.

[It's still going to smell on his hair, but he'll endure it. He sits still not for any particular concern for the precision of Polnareff's dyeing skills but because he's a host, and remaining perfectly still is something he can actually do.

So after a moment, just so that's slightly less bizarre:] Try not to spill any.

I-- yeah.

[That was eerie. Unnerving, in a way that leaves his stomach swooping. It's easy to forget Kakyoin's made of wires and gears, not blood and muscle. But that stillness is a sharp reminder, and so it's with a slightly more cautious manner that he squirts a healthy amount of black dye on the top of his head.

His fingers flex, and then he pushes them in, spreading out the gel, working his way through Kakyoin's hair as gently as he can manage. It involves a lot of doubling back, working through spots already covered just to be sure he got all of it. It's pleasant, he has to admit. Soothing in the same way braiding Sherry's hair had been, once upon a time.]

[Kakyoin has a memory, whether it really did happen once or it was only written that way, he has it— of someone cutting his hair in a moment like this one. A mother he walked out on, maybe, whether or not that really happened either; regardless, it's the same feeling, quiet and intimate in a way he isn't used to.

And like, that Jotaro guy is still here, but Kakyoin isn't paying him any mind. His eyes are closed, and he's still save for the moments Polnareff needs him to tilt his head this way and that. If only the dye smelled less foul, this would be nicer. Naturally, he can't just let that go.]

It really does smell like the worst possible thing to put in my hair.

Psh, what kind of imagination is that? I bet I can come up with fifty things that would be worse.

[His words are scoffed, but his fingers stay gentle as he keeps working.]

What about a skunk, huh? You'd rather that in your hair?

I don't know what a skunk is.

[Is it American? Regardless! His point stands!]

This is just awful. Your fifty other things aren't here.

Horse shit.

[An immediate retort, even as he tugs lightly at Kakyoin's hair, tipping his head to the left, getting at the underside.]

Burnt onions. Burnt rubber. Burnt . . . anything, we can just say anything, honestly, you can't tell me this smells worse than that.

[Will he die on this hill? Yes.]

[Don't make a list! God! He scoffs, because he's definitely right and Polnareff is making stupid lists for no reason.]

Just hurry up so I can wash it out. You can tell me all your favorite terrible smells some other time.

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can't believe i had to google this dumb thing

now you've learned more about skunks

i sure have