dumbshow | the critically acclaimed open post

[Greed named this cat because he loves him, Ling understands. The fridge is fascinating, but the hideous cat moreso; Ling has now crouched down to wave a hand at the little guy, beckoning. Come here, you hideous beast.]

You never struck me as a cat person.

[and he clearly is, no denying it.]

I told you: it got foisted on me. I'm not a rat person, either, but look at the city we live in.

[Gently Implied New York, Maybe, the city with a million rats that never sleeps.

Envy is a piece of shit. There may be attempts to vaguely charm Ling, but he'd best produce food soon or else this friendship will end fast in favor of screaming.]

You hungry again?

[he's not, but you learn a guy's habits after a while.]

[I♥GINY tshirt already hitting the market]

Are you feeding me instead of your cat? I'm not sure I like the comparison.

[That said, since he's doing his best but Envy The Cat is an ornery motherfucker,] I could eat something.

You get more kisses than he does.

[Sadly true. Greed may like his cat in a grudging sort of way, but he does not kiss him. But ah, all right, beef jerky it is, sorry to literally everyone involved in this thread but that's what he throws him.

Disgusting.]

[that feel when your man throws beef jerky at you while trying to be charming(??) about kisses

Or: Ling does not catch this jerky, it hits him in the arm and lands on the floor, and both he and the cat stare at it for a moment until Ling slides it in the cat's direction. Not that he couldn't fuck up some beef jerky, but if he eats any more beef in one day he will turn into a cow.]

How about crackers? Surely you have crackers.

Er--

[Does he? Maybe. There's a bit of stretching, and he finally hoists himself up on the counter so as to reach the top shelf, where he does indeed have some saltines, not expired but pretty stale.

Envy is not eating the beef jerky. Envy may, later, eat it, but right now Envy is too busy looking at Greed in undisguised hatred.]

You gotta work on your reflexes, babe.

[Isn't that an upgrade.]

[Much better than "uptown girl," that's for sure. Ling watches this display from down here on the floor, with Envy, but at least he's slightly more impressed. By the effort, anyway.]

I'm keeping your cat entertained. Go on, throw the crackers.

[He's ready to catch (and be disappointed, you live like this???)]

[Without another word he tosses them down and tucks his feet beneath himself, sitting on the counter, because he sure does live like this.]

He entertains himself. I'm pretty sure he's got a whole little of kittens three floors down proving how he keeps himself entertained, though don't tell anybody I told you.

[The crackers, he catches, and sets about finding out just how stale they are. Gross! But edible, and he's going to put up with it the way he puts up with almost-expired cherries.]

Well, somebody must think he has a wonderful personality.

[cuz he ugly as shit. Meanwhile, this boy climbing all over the counters is miles away from polished bartender Greed, Ling is endeared. It's sickening.]

[Ling, babe, you gotta raise your standards. But give home!Greed this: he offers smiles (not grins, but smiles, amused and endeared) way more easily than bar!Greed.]

Either that or he's the only option around. Girls get pretty desperate after a while.

[What the fuck are you talking about, Greed, just stop . . . saying things.]

You really gonna pay my cat all the attention tonight.

[Greed... what are you even saying. Ling looks at him as he eats another stale cracker (whole, for the record, he is shoving these into his mouth whole because he is repulsive in his own way), turning to sit cross-legged on the floor... but facing Greed, now.

Go ahead, be needy, he's intrigued.]

I thought he was the jealous one.

I'm not jealous, I'm staring at your ass wondering why you're not letting me grab it.

[He's jealous.]

[He's so jealous. Ling would put this cat in his lap if he didn't think it would bite him, alas.]

I'm eating my crackers!

You can eat crackers and get felt up. C'mere.

[It is, actually, an order, and he beckons his finger. C'mere.]

[Ooh, so demanding. Ling sighs around his latest whole saltine, getting up and bringing the box over to stand in front of Greed.

Hey. He's here. Cracker??]

[Disgusting. He gives him a flat look, then takes him by the shoulders and spins him around, throwing one arm around his shoulders and yanking him in close. His other hand tucks into his back pocket, less to grope and more simply to feel. His chin rests on his shoulder, and there, that's much better.]

Was that so hard?

[He tips his head, mouthing at the crook of his neck.]

Hmm?

[Ling's overall response to this is... to eat another cracker, crunching it extra loudly, for emphasis. Don't get him wrong, he loves the attention, settling back into Greed's pseudo-embrace quite comfortably!

Luckily, there are only a few crackers left in the box.]

In my defense, you climbed up on the kitchen counter and started throwing snacks at me. Talk about mixed messages...

You were blushing when I touched your neck. You're so jaded already?

[His fingers curl, groping him lightly, as he drags his teeth against his neck. It's . . . not quite as sexy when your not-boyfriend is eating stale crackers, but he'll get him there.]

[Greed opened this door, he has to live with the consequences and also crumbs. Ling's insatiable cracker devouring is paused, at least, while he tilts his head to appreciate teeth against skin.]

Hey now, when you throw beef jerky at me, yes.

That's a pity.

[Teeth dragging against skin, his hand pulling out of his pocket to sneak around the front and slip beneath Ling's shirt. Calloused fingers skitter up his stomach, tracing lightly against him, and oh, hello, he'd expected softness, not clearly defined muscles. That's . . . odd, and surprising, and they're definitely going to come back to that, but not just yet.]

I was kind of looking forward to you going all wild beneath me the first time I fucked you on that bed. Tied you to a bed, maybe, keep your legs open for me-- or shit, Ling, just here. I've thought about bending you over a counter from the moment you walked in, you know that?

[local boyfriend actually already 40% twunk, sources say]

Walked in here, or at the bar?

[How far back does this need to fuck him go, he wonders-- And he's all out of crackers now, so that's the box dropped at his feet for Envy to get angry at later. Ling reaches up and back, interlocking his fingers behind Greed's neck now that he's paying attention. It makes his shirt ride up in front, helpfully.]

I don't really know what I'm doing, so...

No shit.

[He doesn't know what he's doing, but that's kind of the appeal. It'll morph into a different kind of appeal once he figures out how to work that body to his full advantage, but for now, Greed's going to enjoy what he's got.

Besides. There's a hideous sort of pleasure in being his first. Taking all of him, consuming him, ensuring that no matter what, Ling will always remember him.]

So . . . what? You asking for a lesson?

[Ah, how convenient, look at all this bare stomach for him to feel up . . . eventually he'll hoist his shirt up even farther, but one thing at a time. Sometimes it's nice to go slow.]

I have to ask?

[Whenever they get to it, it's going to be a lesson of some kind or another. As far as Ling is concerned it's an inevitability, which is its own kind of thrill despite being a foregone conclusion. Just the thought that sooner or later Greed is going to take him to bed (or, he supposes, kitchen counter, whatever) is enough for the time being.

So he's having Greed dress up for fancy dates and feel him up in his kitchen to torture himself, apparently.]

Now you do.

[Mostly because he likes being a bully, not to mention he wants to hear him say it. Say anything filthy, really, it'd be nice to hear that articulated tone pronouncing something hideous.

Languidly, surprisingly gracefully, his legs uncurl, framing Ling between them. His head tips up, nosing at his neck, the back of his ear, babe, come on.]

[Now Greed wants him, certified inexperienced virgin, to talk dirty. What is he supposed to say? Just say "dick" half a dozen times? He leans back into him, dropping one hand to slide over Greed's thigh at his side.

Hmm!]

Well, I can show you how flexible I am. Is that anything?

[Like, actually though, he will do a split if asked.]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject