don't stand so close to me

[clickhum]

ILLUMI MAKING QUESTIONABLE CHOICES

The prompt is: helping a weird loser buy ugly clothes. Ugly ski jacket required, he feels a connection to it already.

Comments

[clickhum]

Well, that's Hisoka's problem. Not that Illumi is any better, but he only has a small handful of people he'd lose his mind without. And they don't exactly have to interact with him to keep him... happy. In the loosest sense. Why, he should just lock them all up in a basement-!

Or maybe not.

Also that is not a scotch, so help him, don't change the routine. He taps a finger on the bar idly, waiting. "Your jokes aren't that good." Ah, not that he's laughed more than a dozen times in his life.

[debauchewy]

"How would you know, do you have a sense of humour?" Smirks, tilting his head to look at him, chin set on a hand, elbow on the counter.

"I always hope a few drinks might help you."

[clickhum]

"I don't think your jokes are funny." He says, like other things are funny to him. There was that one time he literally said "ha ha" to Killua, that has to count for something.

As their drinks are placed in front of them he curls his fingers around his, swirling it gently to clink the ice against the glass. A few drinks, really. "Huh, does that say more about me or you?"

[debauchewy]

A flat look, turning to look away now, his hand lowering. Hisoka's quite aware of how lacking Illumi is in the humour department, but for that to still be said so blatantly is annoying. he thinks he's funny, that's really all that matters. Illumi's idea of humour is as warped as the rest of him though-

But then again, so is Hisoka's, he did shove a card up into the stub of his arm once only to reveal it for some- magic trick. To be fair, that was gold, still proud he got away with both arms being severed. Ah- he never stops amazing himself~

"My jokes not being funny?" A bored look, sliding his glass closer. He smirks, sitting up and lifting it. "You." Drinks.

[clickhum]

Okay- Illumi didn't get to see the cool card-in-the-arm gag, to be fair. Maybe he'd have liked that, who can say.

"Really?" Taking a sip. Doubt... "You're the one who tells jokes that only you think are funny."

You know what's really funny? Emotional manipulation. Can he get some stand-up about that?

[debauchewy]

"Only me? Since when did you pay attention to other people?" You'd have to to know how they take his jokes after all.

"No humour and lacking a little empathy, you could really use a lesson on social skills. Do you know how to smile unprompted?"

[clickhum]

If he says they're not funny, they're just not... Kil probably doesn't like Hisoka's jokes, so there. Illumi blinks into his drink, not too sure about this unsolicited talk of lessons on- anything. No. No thank you.

"I smiled before." You know, when he looked halfway enthusiastic about coming to this place. "On the way here."

[debauchewy]

Killua is also a child. Sheesh

"Did you? Remind me what it looked like."

[clickhum]

Does this put Hisoka on the level of dad jokes, or—

"Ah," deadpan. "That's prompting."

[debauchewy]

What even is a dad. Do either of them really know. Does anyone in Hunter x Hunter know?

"Prompt as in prompt a real smile." A laugh, sipping more of his drink. "This is me prompting a fake one, not the same thing."

[clickhum]

Leorio might, but besides him, no. Dad jokes simply do not exist in the world of Hunter x Hunter.

He swirls his glass again, like he's considering this great point Hisoka just made (it actually wasn't great). "What for?"

[debauchewy]

"I want to see." That's it.

[clickhum]

"That's not enough." A shrug, tipping back the rest of his drink. On to drink number two.

[debauchewy]

Hisoka is taking his time on his drink, barely half done with his first one.

"Enough? I need more of a reason to see my friend smile~?"

[clickhum]

Maybe if he had let Illumi pick for him...

"Yes, that's right. No ideas?"

[debauchewy]

Scotch. But then it's just scotch. He's paying either way right? and Hisoka didn't even get some silly mixed drink either, see he can be good.

"Now you're asking for something to help you smile, that's prompting." A sigh. "Because I don't think you can do it."

[clickhum]

He won't pay for a mixed drink. Well- he will, but he'll stare judgmentally about it. Unless it's on fire or something.

"That won't do either." Another shrug. "I told you you're bad at this."

[debauchewy]

It could be purple AND on fire.

FROWNS. "The point is for you to do it without me needing to make out. If you're able to, I can't be bad at it when I'm not purposely-" ....

Sigh.

Drinks.

"Killua listening to everything you say."

[clickhum]

He'll pay for ten.

And ah- that's- this time when he fiddles with his glass he actually is thinking about it, it's a nice thought— But this is still Illumi.

So.

"He already does."

1/2

[debauchewy]

A laugh under his breath.

"Well he certainly doesn't sound like the brainwashed on now." Though Hisoka knows he suffers from his own ego at times as well. Another tip of his glass and he's closer to finishing, eyes sliding over to look at the bottles not far from their seat at the bar.

"The boy's done well to escape you Illumi, maybe if you had another approach."

2/2

[debauchewy]

Smiles, shrugging up a hand.

"Personally I'm rooting for him. He gets better and better at getting away from you every day." Seriously, have you seen him? He's gotten pretty fast.

[clickhum]

If the sharp click of Illumi's glass hitting the bar didn't frighten a few nearby patrons, taking a look at his face now will. It's provocation, he knows- and maybe Hisoka is being genuine, but he doesn't care- but it's still so- it's still—

"Hisoka." He doesn't raise his voice, but his tone is positively dripping with distaste. "Don't get involved." Don't even talk about his family, it's not something an outsider should freely give opinions on. Illumi's eyes narrow, and while this isn't overstepping enough bounds to inspire him to bloodlust, it's not- the ideal reaction.

His mind races; Killua belongs to him, Killua does what he says and even if he isn't aware of it he still does, he always will, no one is going to get in Illumi's way if he has to raze whole cities to get what he wants he will—

He frowns sharply - actually frowns, not halfway - and makes a dark noise of anger in the back of his throat as he snaps his gaze away from Hisoka. If he were a "shut the fuck up" kind of guy, he'd say it. The negative atmosphere radiating off of him doesn't fade, he's- really fuming-

"Don't get close to Killua." In any way. "I'll kill you."

[debauchewy]

"Ohh-" A smile. He knows exactly what he's doing, saying what he is. Illumi's reaction is expected, though a little more vibrant than he thought it might be. Still, when the subject of his family is brought up, getting emotions like this are rather easy. Almost felt too easy this time though- he didn't say a word about getting near Killua. The liquor maybe? Or Illumi's pride on the manner is more fractured than he thought.

"Scary~" A whisper, facing away from him again, ahead, over the bar and finishing his glass.

"I won't lie- I'm interested, as I've been interested in you." A chuckle, eyes looking to him from the corner. "But you have my word as long as you don't over step your bounds either, hm?" As in don't touch Gon, that shouldn't need to be said, it's already been established.

Still- he plans to do whatever he wants by Killua should he get the chance. And he seems to be getting more and more chances to interact with him as time goes on. Hmm~ Whatever Illumi doesn't know won't hurt him.

Hisoka lifts his glass, wiggling it a little. Empty.

"I wouldn't want to harm our relationship after all- ah? A second drink for me then?"

[clickhum]

There are too many people in this equation that should involve no one besides Illumi and Killua— he's only tentatively agreed to leave Gon alone, because Hisoka being after him seriously for killing the kid wouldn't do him any good, but sometimes... sometimes it's difficult.

This is one of those times. He's not interested in half-true declarations of mutual leaving these kids the hell alone, he's not, he's not even in the same galaxy—

He reminds himself Hisoka is useful - and if he had to, had to, he could kill him - and he makes himself listen. This isn't how a Zoldyck behaves, losing his control over an idle comment and staring at a glass of liquor like it's made some mistake by being in his hand. No, he's fine. He's abruptly fine, the tension going out of him at once like it simply evaporated. Where it's actually gone is anyone's guess.

He waves a hand at Hisoka, taking up his glass again with the other and drinking. "Go ahead."

Ah. But, "I'm going to remember that." You know, for when their respective 'words' disappear in an instant someday.

[debauchewy]

A laugh.

What a change. Did Illumi realize how emotional he got right there? Really- having family obligation sure seemed like a huge weakness. And he certain;y love tugging at those lose ends here and there.

"Please do." He certainly won't. This day will be gone like the rest tomorrow. A smile, sighing as he taps at the bar and orders a second drink. It's set down not long after, the clear liquid cast purple from the light of the bar under it shining up into his glass. Hisoka lifts it, swirling it momentarily, before drinking and setting it down.

"Will I never get that smile? Hm-" Looks to the tender. Sure- let's do that, Illumi's transparent after all.

Hisoka orders another drink and it's set down, a martini, purple in colour, and then the tender suddenly lights it on fire. "This one's on me, I swear."