dumbshow | highly new, slightly improved open post

[Oh— and he would have pointed it out, fair, but Jiang Cheng's fingers are an effective way to stop that, ah, yes. Huaisang almost doesn't catch the rest of what he's saying, mind wandering away immediately with thoughts he can't very well be blamed for having in a moment like this. Jiang Cheng's touch against his lips and how many other places Huaisang wants him to trail his fingers down, how easy it would be to pull his hand away and duck down to kiss him—

But no, no. No. He's fine just tilting his head away from Jiang Cheng's hand so he can speak again. Please.]

I would, I would, I'd just get in the way. [ew...work] Then come back for me when you're finished, and you can take me home.

[It's fine to say, because Jiang Cheng is drunk, so it's easy to tell that this is some... some silly drunk thing. It's alright for Huaisang to drink just as much and indulge in a sweet little fantasy, isn't it? Probably. He'll studiously not think about it in the morning, as is polite.]

All right.

[A perfect plan, clearly. His fingers, so cruelly denied Huaisang's mouth (and he'd known it'd be soft, well done Jiang Cheng, absolutely realistic fantasizing), instead move to idly slide down, following a meaningless pattern against Huaisang's neck, absently trailing down his chest, before falling to his side once more.

It takes him a few seconds.]

You want Lotus Pier to be home?

[Huaisang chugs the rest of the liquor— no, but he feels like that might help, if the way even the slightest touch leaves him aching, skin on fire. It's all he can do to look down at Jiang Cheng and memorize this moment for when it's inevitably over; Jiang Cheng's fingers against his skin, his fingers still curled into Jiang Cheng's hair, that upturned gaze dark and— what? Wanting? Hopeful? Just drunk?

Honest, if nothing else. Jiang Cheng can look at him honestly and ask him something like that, and so Huaisang can only lean into it and return the favor,]

I want to be where you are.

[And yes, yes, his brother's health and the future of the sect are high priorities, but as for what he wants... well. Well it sinks in, what he's just said, and half drunk or not, that's— ah, fuck. He makes a face and looks away.]

It— it's probably time to get some rest!

Wait--

[He has a feeling he just missed something important, and for the life of him, he doesn't know what. The world is all soft and dim now, the edges fuzzy in ways they never are when he's sober. Everything seems so easy, so why is Huaisang suddenly demanding they go to bed?

His eyes are growing heavier by the second. His fingers are curled in Huaisang's robes, and he tugs impatiently, like that will help. It's hard to remember anything, hard to remember what he's chasing after, so--]

Stay-- stay with me tonight.

[They have to move again? Ugh. What if he just sleeps in Huaisang's lap, that sounds ideal . . . he rolls over, facing him, his eyes closing firmly.]

[Oh— did he miss it? Huaisang blinks, thinking he must have - and trying to stave off the disappointment he feels for a moment, because isn't it better that Jiang Cheng doesn't hear his stupid, selfish feelings...? If Jiang Cheng doesn't hear him, he'll get over the new rush of these old feelings much more easily. Or it's fine to pretend he will.

Still, for a sloppy drunk, Jiang Cheng is being sweet enough to make his chest ache. Huaisang cups his cheek, thumb smoothing over his cheekbone. Mm...]

You drive a hard bargain, Jiang-xiong. I'll stay, I'll stay.

[Because he was... soooo thinking of leaving. Please.]

Good.

[It's doubtful he'll remember any of this come morning, honestly. Or if he does, it will be in fragmented pieces: memories that make him shiver in embarrassment and pray that Huaisang doesn't remember how he babbled at him, touched him, acted like an absolute idiot by declaring he looks so much better dressed in Jiang colors . . .

Or maybe he'll just wake up with a headache, draped all over Huaisang. That works too.

Xichen is sensible; by mid-morning, Nie soldiers have been evenly distributed among the other clans, and Jiang Cheng is offering a gruff goodbye. It's perfectly casual, perfectly easy, and if either of them think about the evening before, they don't show it. He's glad to see the back of him, honestly: a battlefield is no place for someone like Huaisang.

Now, at least, he can stop worrying.

The war ends, and with it comes a hollow sense of peace. He feels no relief as he watches the last of the Wens hunted down and rounded up; he feels nothing, really, save for a vague sense of exhaling for the first time in nearly ten months. He attends the meetings he's supposed to, the celebrations, says all the right things and does just what a sect leader ought to. Ignores all the whispers about him, the comments that perhaps he's too young (he is), but oh, he'd done so well in the war-- nothing compared to Wei Wuxian, of course, but still.

Lotus Pier is rebuilt. He oversees it all, every plank of wood and iron nail, and when the paint has dried and the citizens of Yunmeng slowly creep back, Jiang Cheng still feels nothing. But that's fine. Feelings are pointless; all that he ever needs to do is fulfill his responsibilities.

And sooner or later, those self-same responsibilities takes him to the Qinghe. It's been, what, two months since the war ended? Something like that. And it's not that he hasn't thought of Huaisang, god, no, but everything's been so busy . . .

But he thinks of him now, as he wears his token in his hair and bows towards his brother, still recovering but alive. His glare is as fierce as ever, but his words are grudgingly respectful, and Jiang Cheng can't ask for more than that. Honestly, he's barely focused on Sect Leader Nie; the moment it's respectful to do so, he heads for the halls, looking for a particularly western chamber. He might not know the keep well, but he at least knows where Huaisang lives.

Lived, maybe. It feels as though it's been months since he's last seen him; perhaps he's changed his habits. Perhaps he's forgotten. Things are different in wartime, perhaps he's not--]

Nie-xiong.

[Perhaps he's just as Jiang Cheng has continuously imagined him, sitting in an airy room, a brush held in one hand, painting something or another. Jiang Cheng stands in the doorway, caught between simply walking in and having some sense of propriety.]

[It's a hasty exit, if nothing else. Huaisang has only a small handful of disciples to take him home, and Xichen is gracious, and Jiang Cheng— doesn't mention a thing about their evening alone, which is likely for the best. Huaisang doesn't mind; he's exhausted still, and eager to return to Mingjue, and being around Jiang Cheng right now is too distracting for the middle of a war zone.

So he goes, and Qinghe is quiet and still until Mingjue wakes, and then there's nothing but planning to take care of after that; long distance war for Mingjue, who resents having to keep out of battle and has to make his opinions known about it somehow, mostly in stern letters. Huaisang puts himself in charge of overseeing the celebrations, mostly so Mingjue won't cancel them entirely for not wanting to do it himself. It's something to do! It's uplifting, planning for celebration and victory and the long, long life ahead of his older brother.

If anyone has any comments they want to make about his shoddy battle performance, they don't make it. Not at Qinghe, anyway; Huaisang is sure someone will bend Mingjue's ear about how his little brother could barely pick up a saber and cowered behind the Jiang boy the whole time, but for the time being Mingjue knows only that Huaisang tried at all. The looks Huaisang catches his brother giving him are hard to parse, caught somewhere between pride and concern. Of course his brother can't just talk to him about his emotions. That would be silly.

Still. Maybe he'll get it out of him himself one of these days, but later; the war is done and the parties pass, and after some weeks things start to settle into a new normal. Different, yes— but better than it has been for a while.

Huaisang doesn't expect Jiang Cheng to simply appear in his doorway, though, so when he hears his name spoken suddenly he startles, hand smudging the lines he's putting to paper and wrinkling it, to boot. He makes a short noise, irritated—]

You spoiled it! The door is there to be knocked on, you—

[Ah. Ah, not a disciple... His protest dies on his tongue; he's staring. Ah??

(He does notice the pin, though.)]

I didn't know you were coming!

By the time I wrote you, I'd be here already.

[Surprise? His expression is unreadable right now, his arms folded over his chest somewhat defensively. But he comes in, closing the door behind him, so at least whatever happens, they can do it in private.]

I have something of yours.

[He does not apologize about the painting. He will not.]

[It would have been polite to write, first. And second, he has ink on his hand now, so allow him to put his brush down and fuss with that while Jiang Cheng lurks over there by the door.]

Well, come over here and let's see it, then. You can tell me about Lotus Pier.

[This is a social visit and not Jiang Cheng being awkward and then leaving, yes? Come here.]

[Hmm, maybe he'll just lurk around the door like an awkward loser? The thought has its merits. But no, he'll come towards him, kneeling carefully next to him. His hands go up to his hair, tugging a pin free-- and he looks like a bit of an idiot with his hair hanging around his face, but whatever.

He doesn't answer right away. Just stares steadily, a little too hard, at Huaisang as he fusses with his hands.]

Why should I tell you?

[Here we go, and his soul is screaming, panicking, blurting that he could still stop this. He could. But he's been with Huaisang for, what, three minutes, and he's already felt more in that time than he has over the past two months.]

You said you wanted to come back and see it, didn't you?

[Seeing Jiang Cheng now is almost a little odd— things were certainly dire the last time they were together, and now it's so peaceful... But it isn't awkward until Jiang Cheng says that— You said you wanted to come back and see it.

Oh. Huaisang goes still, wondering what he should take from this without even looking at Jiang Cheng— is he going to tease him about that? Worse than that possibility, he remembers it? That night is a halfway pleasant blip in an otherwise long stretch of misery, true, but Jiang Cheng had been drunk enough to fall asleep in his lap! What gives!

Huaisang twists his fingers together and puts his hands in his lap. Oh boy. Okay.]

I— did? [No, no, come on Huaisang--] I didn't think you remembered.

[He remembers a lot less than he'd like, and the bits he does remember make him go a little red in embarrassment. He'd had his fingers on his mouth . . .

What else had they talked about? He genuinely can't remember. But he does remember that statement, and his muddled, idiotic confusion afterwards. I want to be where you are, he'd said, and oh, god, but he still has no idea how to deal with that as a concept, how to even begin to interpret it, but--

I want to be where you are, and on its most basic level, he understands, because it's what he wants too. The screaming rage and constant doubt that's always blazing in his heart is only ever quiet around Huaisang, who looks at him and, impossibly, seems to like what he sees. There's no competition, no desperate need for approval or bravado, no wondering when the other shoe will drop, when Huaisang will see who he really is and leave him for someone better--

He knows who he is. He's seen him at his worst, his most cowardly, his most pathetic. He's watched him slaughter countless Wens; held him while he cried from the shock and terror of war. He's easy, in a way no one else ever is. Not simple, but his complexities fit naturally against Jiang Cheng's own.

I want to be where you are, but they'll start with: come back to Lotus Pier with me.]

That's not an answer.

[Huaisang hums, not looking up at him still. He's been caught, then, Jiang Cheng remembers just enough to question him about his intentions or whatever they should call it, and Huaisang's heart pounds painfully the longer he sits here and says nothing. Here he's been, lazing his days away at Qinghe, and it isn't a bad life. His brother is here. He's safe here, he can more or less do as he pleases...

But Jiang Cheng is always somewhere else. Huaisang can't pinpoint the moment Jiang Cheng's absence started to weigh on him as much as it has in recent weeks, but he isn't so foolish as to not know his own heart. No, of course not- he knows what he wants. That part is easy, it's expressing it (well, sober) that gives him pause.

Idly he lifts a hand to touch his lips, the way Jiang Cheng had that night— and then he looks at him, because what is a serious conversation without absolutely torturing himself?

First,] Your hair looks ridiculous like that.

[It's still not an answer, he knows, he knows--]

I would like to see Lotus Pier with you.

[He opens his mouth to start snapping, so thank god that isn't the only thing Huaisang notices. He's having feelings again, like some kind of twelve year old, and Huaisang wants to talk about his hair, oh my god--

It's easier to get worked up about that than focus on what he says next. Because that's terrifying, even more so than a polite brush-off or mild rejection. That's a confirmation, that's a yes, and suddenly the future seems both bright and full of peril.

He should push more. He should confirm it, or ask more: do you want to stay with me, do you want to be with me, and by the way, how exactly do you mean it, because I've thought a lot about kissing you, but a promise to go to one's home isn't a promise to kiss, perhaps we're just really good friends--]

Good.

[They'll start here, though. He swallows thickly, his eyes darting down to where Huaisang's mouth, but then:]

Don't criticize if you're not going to help me fix it.

[Will this be easier if they're not staring right at each other? Maybe!]

You took my pin out, so I'll criticize however much I want.

[Ah, but it's just a tease, because it is easier to do this if he has something else to do with his hands. He reaches over to gently tug one of those errant locks of hair, to guide Jiang Cheng to bow his head enough for Huaisang to do something proper with his hair here, while they discuss... feelings. Or visits. Or something.]

But all you have to say is "good"? You came all this way!

[Appreciate him a little more! Damn! He pauses before adding, more gently,] I'm glad you came.

What would you have me say? I'm not--!

[Calm the fuck down, why don't you? He hushes as Huaisang's fingers go to his hair, because that's the way to shut him up, apparently: touch him even a little. He glowers at the floor, fingers flexing against the floor.]

I've missed you.

[There: an offering, albeit not a revolutionary one. He drums his fingers once, twice, then adds:]

I would have come sooner, but I wanted to finish it first. Lotus Pier is . . .

I want you to see it as it should be, especially in summer. Not how they destroyed it.

[. . .]

You're forbidden from whining about the humidity, though.

[Hmm, that's better. Huaisang shifts to face him and scoot a little closer— to do his hair properly, of course. To hear that he was missed, and the sentiment... makes his heart ache once more, hope and confusion swirled together. He's been caught, but what about Jiang Cheng? Is he just lonely?

Well, yeah, but—

It's so much to think about. At least he was missed.]

Now that you've pointed it out, I'm going to notice it even more... I'll have to stay inside and hope for the best.

[mmmm...]

I've missed you, too. [...] And I'm sure you did a magnificent job, so I'm looking forward to it.

We live by a lake, Nie-xiong. Lotus Pier is named for the lotuses that grow in the lake. You aren't sitting inside all day and ignoring it.

[His eyes close in quiet contentment, utterly pleased to have Huaisang's fingers in his hair once more.]

You'll be lucky if I don't shove you in . . .

[See, and this is why he lo-- likes Huaisang so much. Because there's such a casual intimacy, and it's easy to weave between difficult topics and less serious ones.]

You came all the way here to take me back with you and now you want to watch me drown? Jiang-xiong is cruel!

[He tugs a lock of hair, not hard, but pointedly. Be nice to him or he'll stay indoors the whole time.]

My brother won't like it if he hears you saying something like that.

[Which is an amusing thought, actually, until he realizes... this is Jiang Cheng he's talking to... What's worse: Jiang Cheng embarrassing himself in front of Mingjue, or Jiang Cheng not mentioning it at all and leaving it to Huaisang to deal with?]

Did you talk to him?

Not about this.

[He glances up, meeting his eyes pointedly. Huaisang, you can absolutely deal with this, babe!]

Do you really want me to tell him that I'm taking you back home with me?

[Which sure is a way to phrase it, but he doesn't regret it.]

[uggggghhhh babe]

So I don't have to, yes!

[It's not as if Mingjue will tell him no, but Huaisang will still have to face his stern look of vague disapproval... sigh. He drops his hands to, honestly, squish Jiang Cheng's cheeks to really emphasize his despair. Aaah...]

I will, but you'll owe me.

[As if he's not already taking him home to luxuriate by the lake... details! And phrasing: noted and accepted, thanks.]

Hey--

[He bats vaguely at his hands, swatting them away as he sits back.]

I will not. He's your brother-- why is this responsibility suddenly on me? And I came all this way just to return your pin in person. If anything, you owe me.

[Ah, yes, the pin— Huaisang glances at it, then picks it up to stick back in his own hair at long last, a pointed use of accessory that will not set off Mingjue's disapproval alarm at all. If he's going to do this, he may as well do it in the most classic Younger Sibling (tm) way possible...]

Well, never mind. [he owes nothing... his presence is the favor] But you have to come with me when I talk to him or he'll think you're a coward.

[Battle prowess is invalid if he can't look Mingjue in the face before spiriting away his baby brother, etc.]

[Hey, what the fuck, that's an actually valid argument . . . damn it. Has he not suffered in life enough? Why must he be bullied into these things?]

I'm his junior in every sense. I'm sure he doesn't think much of me either way.

[But they don't have to go right this second, right? He's not due to see Mingjue til dinner, anyway, so why rush it.]

Ah . . . how long do you want to stay, anyway? [A beat, and then the world's lamest justification:] He'll want to know.

[The next difficult choice: right before dinner, or right after... Huaisang will workshop it. He shrugs, a little guiltily about that first thing— because it might be true? Jiang Cheng proved himself in battle, certainly, and saved Huaisang's life a handful of times, but Mingjue is who he is...

So, ah. The other thing.]

Well... as long as I can get away with it.

[Which is a convenient half-answer; as long as Jiang Cheng will put up with him, for one...]

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