dumbshow | highly new, slightly improved open post

[Safety! Is! Paramount! The least he could do is make sure Lalli doesn't come home concussed, considering the looks he's already getting from the window. Still, it's not like he doesn't spend a moment looking criminally amused over how Lalli looks in his sticker helmet, but it's in a friendly way, really! It's endearing!]

Oookay, sure. Should I wave? I don't know how else to prove I'm not an axe murderer, or anything.

[Because that's clearly what this overprotective staring is about, considering they are both grown adults and not little children. Emil raises a hand to awkwardly wave, regardless... at the house... but only for a second, before he makes the glowering worse.

More importantly, Lalli has no idea how to be a motorcycle passenger. Hmm.]

You do have to hold onto me if you don't want to fall off, you know.

[The staring from the window really puts the cherry on top of this awkward scenario. Really loving it.]

[Onni will still be the overprotective brother figure when they're all in their seventies? He fully embraces his role, which is why that little wave from Emil leads to him crossing his arms. Everything is going extremely well here at the Hotakainen homestead... yes, indeed...

Forget the cousin questions, though; Lalli, however, has other, more important things to worry about here, like... not tumbling off this bike as soon as they get going. Huh. There's a quiet little huff as he carefully leans forward.]

I won't fall.

[JEEZ!!! Still, it's a good thing no one can see the way his brow furrows as he hesitates—and then slooooowly slips his arms around around Emil. This is so much weirder than fingers underneath his chin? In fact, this just might be the closest he's been to someone in... an incredibly long time, but he's well aware that Onni is still watching them like a hawk; even the slightest sign of discomfort could send him right out the door, which is why Lalli tries—tries—to relax. There's some space between them? Which will disappear the second they actually start moving, but it's fine. Everything is... fine.]

There. See? [He shifts a bit, awkwardly fighting to keep this tiny gap.] Can we go now?

[The sooner they get this ride over with, the better!]

[Consider: they don't have to look each other in the eye while doing this, which makes it slightly less weird? Emil has never actually had another person with him like this before-- only his little cousins have ever wanted to, and they're too small!-- so they're both feeling just how awkward this is. While Lalli fidgets, Emil tries very hard not to move at all, lest he elbow him or knock him off or some other improbable but still possible humiliating thing. He's doing great.

Clearly, the answer is to zoom down a couple highways. That'll distract them both!]

Right. Well, I'll try not to go too fast, anyway.

[He says this like he really is a cool motorcycle guy who can do stunts and stuff and doesn't get nervous when shifting lanes on a busy road... It's fine, Lalli won't be able to tell. Lalli also won't have to talk to him anymore in a second, once he starts this engine and all they can hear is that and the wind for pretty much the whole ride.

There they go, just two cool dudes, going to spend the day at a furniture store...]

[Not too fast, Emil says, even though it feels like they all but fly down the driveway and onto the road. They're probably going at a very sensible speed, and yet it's still enough for Lalli to instinctively tighten his grip and forget about the whole leaving-room-for-Jesus thing. This is nothing like riding a bus, or sitting in the back of someone else's car; it's much, much louder, for one thing, and much, much more... worrisome. Lalli isn't exactly a chicken, but there's something, um, slightly troubling about the lack of things between himself and the asphalt...

But that, plus the noise, the closeness, the wind cutting right through his sweater—it's all less pressing once they've made it a few miles without incident. Oh, the occasional car zipping past still catches him by surprise, and the way the bike tilts around curves makes his stomach flip, but riding along in the open air is... nice. He's always liked being outdoors! This is just an extreme version of the bike rides he used to take when he was a kid!

Plus Emil seems to, you know, actually know what he's doing, which—well. Lalli is slow to trust others; it's why he sticks to himself, and yet here, on this motorcycle, he feels secure enough to eventually loosen his hold without even thinking about it. Not entirely, of course! He's keeping his arms around Emil's waist for the entirety of their trip, and he's not confident enough to, like, scoot back, but at least his clasped hands are no longer digging into Emil's poor stomach when they catch sight of their destination: that big blue-and-yellow box of a building. ...Huh. He lifts his chin, doing his best to peep over Emil's shoulder and take in those garish colors. Swedes...]

[Hmm, okay, ouch? That's his stomach Lalli is squeezing to death here, but at least he knows his passenger is safe. Pros, cons. They still can't hear each other speak at all, which is why Emil's occasional comment-- "ow" perhaps, or maybe "you should have worn a jacket"-- are lost forever to the wind, but he can't help himself.

Still, despite the squeezing and the mild terror that he will lose his first passenger ever entirely, it's a nice ride. No cool stunts at all! Mercifully, no Emil trying to show off... just normal, reasonable motorcycle driving here, so the cool stunts will be a surprise he can show Lalli some other time. Yeah!! He doesn't know any cool stunts. It's comforting when Lalli's grip goes from terrified to just normal - really making some friend progress here, for sure - especially for his poor, innocent stomach. Thanks...

Check out this ugly store, in the meantime, while Emil cruises around looking for a parking spot. The noise is down to a low rumble now that they're off the road, so at long last, he can talk nonstop again.]

You've never been on one of these before, huh? [Smug? About his motorcycle experience? Yes.] What do you think? I think it's a lot more convenient than a car.

[It's been so long since they last spoke that it takes him a bit to realize that Emil is talking... to him. Aha. He leans back as he gathers his thoughts, vaguely aware that he's much closer than he needs to be while they're putting around at such a slow speed. How did that not bother him the entire trip over here...? Weird.

Anyway! Convenience!]

Not if it rains? Or snows.

[Or if it's just cold in general, which it... frequently is. He feels quite chilly now that there aren't fifty other things distracting him, but even with that at the forefront of his mind, he still hums in thought.]

But it's not... bad. [High praise, coming from Lalli? Especially when he quietly follows it up with—] I thought it would be worse.

[Because he was expecting the worst, as always, but hey! He LIKED IT.]

That's— hmm, well, I'm wearing a coat.

[So there! One of them prepared for this zooming around on a bike thing. Emil has most definitely chattered enthusiastically about his cool motorcycle before at least once, so if Lalli didn't figure it out, that's on him. He can buy a nice, Swedish jacket...

But thanks, he loves his cool bike too. Here they go... parked. Lean back a little more so he can take off his helmet in a much slicker, cooler way than he did before when it was windier. Admire him.]

You'll get used to it!

[Because... Emil has to take him home, and only home, unless Lalli wants to hang out with him some other time. They can fumble through that conversation later; for now, Emil twists a little to look over his shoulder and wait for Lalli to get off this bike so he also can get off this bike. He's cheery about it, let's go let's go.]

...Maybe.

[Possibly. He almost hopes so, even if it involves more trips to this stupid store—but ah, wait, why is Emil looking at him? Is he supposed to do something? Lalli blinks back at him for a moment, confused, before things slowly fall into place for his awkward self. Oh, right... they're here, so...

...Soooo he finally, you know, releases his hold on Emil and hops down to the ground. Emil removed his helmet with such ease, such grace, but Lalli is struggling; he somehow manages to pop it off right as Emil is through with his own Ikea Preparations, thank goodness, but oh, his hair. It's B A D, even though he doesn't seem to notice it as he plops the helmet down onto the seat. Is he turning to walk toward the front entrance even though he looks like he just stuck a fork in an electrical outlet? Yes. Yes, he is.]

[Yes... thank you, Lalli, for joining him here in reality. Emil gets off the bike in turn and needs to spend at least thirty seconds fussing over it, because it's his baby, while Lalli struggles with the helmet. So he's not taking Lalli's helmet off like Lalli is a toddler in need of help, but-- as he turns to set his own helmet down so they can be on their way--

Good god, it's terrible.]

Wait, wait— [Waaaiit. Emil shuffles after him, tugging his sleeve so he'll stop and hold still for a second. This hair. No offense but he's not going to be seen in the warehouse of his people with somebody who's looking a hot mess!! But what he says is,] The helmet, you know- just come here a moment.

[He's gotta fix this hair... here, in the parking lot. Maybe because he's a normal person now he has a comb, too, but it's still a lot of hand magic.]

[He had the helmet removal completely under control, thanks. Anyway, what is this about the helmet? Lalli will indeed stop and turn back, expecting Emil to, like, tell him that it's supposed to go here instead of there, but instead—ah. It's just his... hair, which he glances up at as Emil goes right to work. This is another one of those things that should probably bother him; only Tuuri has ever fussed over his appearance before, but maybe, just maybe, this is what friends do for one another. Hmm.]

Oh. [OH.] ...I didn't notice.

[Which should tell Emil everything he needs to know about Lalli, really, but. At least he stands perfectly still and lets his friend do as he pleases, all while noting—maybe admiring?—Emil's perfectly arranged hair. Hey...]

Yours looks better this time.

[Compared to when it blew right back into his face!! Remember that, Emil? Don't you just love being reminded about that?]

[This is a friendly gesture between buddies, Emil knows because he has one friend who is currently letting him do this, so it's a friendly buddy thing. It's fine. This friend who doesn't notice his own wild hair but will still point out his own goofy hair incidents... Hmm.]

It was windy before. [Fussing, fussing...] How did you even do this with a single helmet?

[This is clearly a multi-wear mess? Remarkable. Once Emil has the mess under control, he takes another moment just to arrange Lalli's hair in the most attractive possible way, you know, because they have to look their best to go to Ikea.]

...There! Let's go.

Edited (goddamn it) 2019-02-20 02:08 (UTC)

[Accept this weirdo as he is, thank you. He starts to shrug—because really, it's not like he knows how this happened—but stops himself before he makes Emil's already difficult job even harder. It's taking long enough as it is! Like, seriously, has he ever spent this much time fussing over the state of his own hair...]

Hrmh.

["Beats me!" in Finnish. Still, he supposes he's somewhat grateful for the assistance? His appearance isn't at the top of his priority list, but as they walk toward the entrance, he lifts one hand up to gingerly feel his newly smoothed hair. It's a nice distraction from the throngs of people also making their way to the front doors.

But once they're inside—oh, dear. It's like everyone and their mothers decided to converge on this particular Ikea on this particular day; there's a line just to step onto the escalator, which Lalli eyes before turning to give Emil a rather unimpressed Look.]

Is this normal?

[He can hear children laughing and screaming over there in Småland? It's echoing throughout the entire lobby? Ikea!!!!]

[Is Emil smug that Lalli seems to be, if not thrilled by, at least mildly interested by his beautifully fixed hair? Yes, of course he is, just for a couple seconds. He's barely containing his excess energy, like it's the most exciting thing in the world to go to Ikea without having any plans for purchase... it's not! It is very exciting to bring a friend who has never experienced Ikea before, though, so—

When Lalli gives him that Look, Emil is already looking at him with a dumb little grin, waiting expectantly. He takes this implied criticism as implied wonder, thank you very much. Behold, the sounds of his people... screaming children.]

Yes. Are you hungry?

[Can he distract this boy with food to get him to look at funny couches for longer? Somehow, it seems possible.]

[Lalli walks back outside and calls a cab, The End. Or, more accurately: The possibility of food is indeed enough to keep Lalli from wondering if they really, truly need to be here, because breakfast... was a very long time ago. He glances back over at the line of people making their way upstairs, almost like he's trying to convince himself that it's not too long, before he finally shifts his attention back to his oddly happy friend. Is this the true power of Ikea? Making all Swedes smile? Wild.]

Yes.

[No polite bullshit here, like, "Oh, I guess I could eat," or, "Only if you are!" This is the true benefit of Lalli's company. But while he's heard that Ikea is SO BIG that it has its own restaurant for weary shoppers... hmm. He looks around, trying—and failing—to spot this mythical eatery. Why isn't it here on the ground floor!]

...Do we have to go upstairs?

[Uggggggggggggh. Just Lead Him.]

[Does Ikea make him smile, or does Lalli already being tormented by Ikea (meaning he definitely loves it) make him smile?? It's a real mystery.

Anyway, please, why would the restaurant be before the funny products? Please, foolish Finn.]

Also yes. Come on, it isn't that far.

[Brave this crowd for him. Emil tugs his sleeve helpfully, like Lalli hasn't noticed where the escalator is. Let's go get in line and listen to Emil point out Swedish Products as they go.]

[Stop being soft, Emil! And let Lalli wish for impossible things, like a quiet restaurant that's only a few steps away, while he listens to all of these weird Swedish names that Emil is throwing out with pride. Why can't a lamp just be a lamp...

But yes, fine, he is here in this line, trying to avoid bumping into anyone around him as he watches Emil gesture to all kinds of things.]

Why is it called that? [This... whatever it is Emil just pointed out. Lalli gives it one last look before stepping on the escalator with a sigh, because of all the unpronounceable things to call something!] The names here are weird.

[So he was RIGHT! But up they go... huzzah... watch Lalli duck around a huge family and, like, look at over the sea of furniture arranged into neat model living rooms. Where! Is! The food!!]

[That's strictly second date material, sorry Lalli, no quiet restaurants here. There are only Swedes and strangers and children here. Emil looks away from his latest grandiose gesture at, like, a set of shelves and frowns. This boy? Come back here.

He is much less adept at ducking around other human beings as if they, too, are furniture, so give him a moment to Excuse Me and Sorry About My Friend his way over to gaze at these beautiful displays.]

They're not weird, they're Swedish. I don't make fun of your language.

[He just butchers it on the regular, no problem. Learn Swedish, you jerk. Anyway, guess who has an actual answer for this question? Local Swede Emil does, because I looked this up and there was an answer.

Ahem!! Listen.]

All the curtains have girl's names.

[Um, the second date is Lalli dragging Emil out to his favorite trail? Hope he likes granola bars. But please, don't take offense to someone pointing out the obvious truth!! Lalli peeps over at him, mildly confused—because hey, he wasn't trying to make fun of the Swedish language—before he's left to ponder this very interesting fact regarding... curtains.

As far as he's concerned, his point has been proven.]

...Aha. [Feel this judgment, even after it's shifted over to the nearest model room.] Why?

[Actually, follow him over to the absolutely... breathtaking living room he's currently scrutinizing and watch him point right to those velvet curtains to the right.]

They're just curtains. Green ones.

[Why not call them what they ARE instead of... Sanela? He's not even mad; he's simply, you know. Baffled.]

[Okay, you know, this room is... unfortunate? But it's not like Lalli finding the ugliest room display in the store like some kind of judgmental torpedo is an indication that the whole store is bad. Jeez!!]

Sounds like someone would benefit from a pamphlet with some helpful store history!

[Do these exist? They do now, if only so Emil can threaten Lalli with them. Read and be amazed, skeptic. You know, if he had one of these on hand, which he doesn't. Now it will be a fun mystery: will Emil ever produce a Historical Ikea Pamphlet? The origin story? The lengthy explanation of the real and tangible reason everything has names instead of product numbers? Maybe so.]

Besides, "green curtains" is a terrible name. There are plenty of green curtains in one store, Lalli.

[Reading an Ikea pamphlet sounds almost as bad as being trapped in Småland with all of the rowdy children, which is why Lalli can't help but to pull a face before giving a quick shake of his head. Don't threaten him like that??? Dear gods.

Anyway, does Lalli think this room is hideous, or does Lalli appreciate the hunter green + maroon aesthetic... another fun mystery...]

That's what they are, [he gripes as he reaches out to rub the fabric between two fingers. ...Hmm. Soft.] It's better than "Sanela."

[In Lalli's ideal world, EVERYTHING would be labeled just like this. Love him, even after he turns back to say:]

...And there can't be that many.

[He sees this one large area of the store and assumes it's, like, everything there is to see, but oh, this ignorant boy...]

[He's touching the curtains instead of refusing to go anywhere but the food court, so Emil considers this a win. He will lean against this interesting couch while he watches Lalli do his thing. This is the best Ikea date ever achieved.

But Lalli... please......]

Okay, first of all, Sanela is an... alright name? [There are probably Sanelas here in the store! Be nice!] Second, you haven't seen the whole store yet.

["Yet" is also a threat, like the pamphlet.]

[Aaaaand he immediately releases the curtain in order to cast another look around his surroundings, because, um? What? He has come, he has seen, he has surely conquered.]

...This isn't everything?

[There are couches and tables and kitschy model rooms as far as the eye can see! He clearly thought they'd poke around this one (1) room and then, like, zip over to wherever the food is, which is why he gives Emil a rather wide-eyed look.]

How much is there?

[He's going to diiiiiiiiie.]

[Oh, Lalli. Sweet, innocent Lalli, whose day is about to be ruined so thoroughly. Emil blinks at him, like he's just realized Lalli really didn't realize, and it's a whole shocking moment. Aha.]

Did you even look at how big this building is when we were outside? What did you think the rest of it was?

[Hmm... alright, Emil knows Lalli well enough to know that, no, he was not looking at how big the building is. Sigh.]

Well, we don't have to look at all the fake rooms.

[Maybe Lalli was too preoccupied with his hair to consider the size of the building, Emil! Or maybe Lalli was just, you know, being Lalli. Please let him live. Not dragging him into every fake room is a good start; he visibly relaxes a bit when he hears that, pleased that he doesn't have to stand in more lines to stare at more curtains, but...

...But. He blinks back at Emil for a moment, considering... well, just considering. They're here because of Emil's Swedish pride, but Emil is still, like, willingly wasting his day off to spend time with him. No one has ever done that before?]

Ah.

[Give him some time, please, to work this out in his mind. He's bad with people, but if Emil is choosing to be here with him, then there's a part of him that wants Emil to... enjoy being with him. Friends should enjoy hanging out with one another, so...]

Do you like looking at them? [He doesn't understand WHY, but hmm, wait—Maybe This Isn't About Him.] They're... okay. Some of them.

[The few he can see from here. Is this his extraordinarily awkward way of saying he'll look at a few if Emil really wants to? Yes.]

[Does he like looking at furniture displays? Well, uh. He did suggest this, and Lalli did come... Now that they're actually here, it doesn't seem as immediately urgent to see all the Swedish things as it did when he was arguing about it in Lalli's office at work; the goal all along was to spend the day with Lalli, who knew.

Still! They did come! He's proving a point? Er.]

I, uhhh... [Super love looking at displays? Desperately need to run around Ikea and feel even more Swedish than usual? Just want to hang out with you, messy hair boy?? Those sound lame, so,] I can show you the best ones, then we can eat.

[Perfect cover by Emil, 10/10.]

Deal?

shredded

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