dumbshow | highly new, slightly improved open post

[That's strictly second date material, sorry Lalli, no quiet restaurants here. There are only Swedes and strangers and children here. Emil looks away from his latest grandiose gesture at, like, a set of shelves and frowns. This boy? Come back here.

He is much less adept at ducking around other human beings as if they, too, are furniture, so give him a moment to Excuse Me and Sorry About My Friend his way over to gaze at these beautiful displays.]

They're not weird, they're Swedish. I don't make fun of your language.

[He just butchers it on the regular, no problem. Learn Swedish, you jerk. Anyway, guess who has an actual answer for this question? Local Swede Emil does, because I looked this up and there was an answer.

Ahem!! Listen.]

All the curtains have girl's names.

[Um, the second date is Lalli dragging Emil out to his favorite trail? Hope he likes granola bars. But please, don't take offense to someone pointing out the obvious truth!! Lalli peeps over at him, mildly confused—because hey, he wasn't trying to make fun of the Swedish language—before he's left to ponder this very interesting fact regarding... curtains.

As far as he's concerned, his point has been proven.]

...Aha. [Feel this judgment, even after it's shifted over to the nearest model room.] Why?

[Actually, follow him over to the absolutely... breathtaking living room he's currently scrutinizing and watch him point right to those velvet curtains to the right.]

They're just curtains. Green ones.

[Why not call them what they ARE instead of... Sanela? He's not even mad; he's simply, you know. Baffled.]

[Okay, you know, this room is... unfortunate? But it's not like Lalli finding the ugliest room display in the store like some kind of judgmental torpedo is an indication that the whole store is bad. Jeez!!]

Sounds like someone would benefit from a pamphlet with some helpful store history!

[Do these exist? They do now, if only so Emil can threaten Lalli with them. Read and be amazed, skeptic. You know, if he had one of these on hand, which he doesn't. Now it will be a fun mystery: will Emil ever produce a Historical Ikea Pamphlet? The origin story? The lengthy explanation of the real and tangible reason everything has names instead of product numbers? Maybe so.]

Besides, "green curtains" is a terrible name. There are plenty of green curtains in one store, Lalli.

[Reading an Ikea pamphlet sounds almost as bad as being trapped in Småland with all of the rowdy children, which is why Lalli can't help but to pull a face before giving a quick shake of his head. Don't threaten him like that??? Dear gods.

Anyway, does Lalli think this room is hideous, or does Lalli appreciate the hunter green + maroon aesthetic... another fun mystery...]

That's what they are, [he gripes as he reaches out to rub the fabric between two fingers. ...Hmm. Soft.] It's better than "Sanela."

[In Lalli's ideal world, EVERYTHING would be labeled just like this. Love him, even after he turns back to say:]

...And there can't be that many.

[He sees this one large area of the store and assumes it's, like, everything there is to see, but oh, this ignorant boy...]

[He's touching the curtains instead of refusing to go anywhere but the food court, so Emil considers this a win. He will lean against this interesting couch while he watches Lalli do his thing. This is the best Ikea date ever achieved.

But Lalli... please......]

Okay, first of all, Sanela is an... alright name? [There are probably Sanelas here in the store! Be nice!] Second, you haven't seen the whole store yet.

["Yet" is also a threat, like the pamphlet.]

[Aaaaand he immediately releases the curtain in order to cast another look around his surroundings, because, um? What? He has come, he has seen, he has surely conquered.]

...This isn't everything?

[There are couches and tables and kitschy model rooms as far as the eye can see! He clearly thought they'd poke around this one (1) room and then, like, zip over to wherever the food is, which is why he gives Emil a rather wide-eyed look.]

How much is there?

[He's going to diiiiiiiiie.]

[Oh, Lalli. Sweet, innocent Lalli, whose day is about to be ruined so thoroughly. Emil blinks at him, like he's just realized Lalli really didn't realize, and it's a whole shocking moment. Aha.]

Did you even look at how big this building is when we were outside? What did you think the rest of it was?

[Hmm... alright, Emil knows Lalli well enough to know that, no, he was not looking at how big the building is. Sigh.]

Well, we don't have to look at all the fake rooms.

[Maybe Lalli was too preoccupied with his hair to consider the size of the building, Emil! Or maybe Lalli was just, you know, being Lalli. Please let him live. Not dragging him into every fake room is a good start; he visibly relaxes a bit when he hears that, pleased that he doesn't have to stand in more lines to stare at more curtains, but...

...But. He blinks back at Emil for a moment, considering... well, just considering. They're here because of Emil's Swedish pride, but Emil is still, like, willingly wasting his day off to spend time with him. No one has ever done that before?]

Ah.

[Give him some time, please, to work this out in his mind. He's bad with people, but if Emil is choosing to be here with him, then there's a part of him that wants Emil to... enjoy being with him. Friends should enjoy hanging out with one another, so...]

Do you like looking at them? [He doesn't understand WHY, but hmm, wait—Maybe This Isn't About Him.] They're... okay. Some of them.

[The few he can see from here. Is this his extraordinarily awkward way of saying he'll look at a few if Emil really wants to? Yes.]

[Does he like looking at furniture displays? Well, uh. He did suggest this, and Lalli did come... Now that they're actually here, it doesn't seem as immediately urgent to see all the Swedish things as it did when he was arguing about it in Lalli's office at work; the goal all along was to spend the day with Lalli, who knew.

Still! They did come! He's proving a point? Er.]

I, uhhh... [Super love looking at displays? Desperately need to run around Ikea and feel even more Swedish than usual? Just want to hang out with you, messy hair boy?? Those sound lame, so,] I can show you the best ones, then we can eat.

[Perfect cover by Emil, 10/10.]

Deal?

[Mini office argument aside, Lalli assumes that meandering about Ikea is just what Emil does on the weekends. Why? Because Lalli is clueless about these things, and because the idea that Emil just, like, seized the first opportunity to hang out with him because he likes being around him is... pfft. Please.

Anyway—the best ones, huh? That could be five rooms, or that could be twenty rooms, but Lalli dug this hole— and you know, it's not even that bad. At least Emil looks happy?? That's... nice.]

...Deal. [Still, as he finally abandons Sanela to walk over Emil's way, he makes sure to add:] But no more curtains.

[They have dumb names and he's OVER THEM. Point out comfy things to sit in.]

[What's wrong with curtains? Picky. Emil scoffs, but like, he can live with this curtain criticism if it means Lalli will tolerate looking at rooms with him. He's into shopping, particularly at Ikea, true— but if Lalli never wants to see him again because he had such a bad time at Ikea after this, well. That would be the worst possible outcome.

Is it highly unlikely that a store could be that bad? Maybe! But still, he has Fears.]

If there are curtains, it's not my fault. Come with me!

[Off they go!! Does he have a favorite display room in mind...? He might but don't point that out about him, he's perfectly normal. He'll take them to a less hideous display area, which has curtains, but don't look at them. The couch is comfy, look at that instead.]

This is nice, right? I wish my place looked like this, but, hmm, you know. [You know?? He spends all his money on cake and motorcycles.]

[Lalli follows along without complaint, doing his best to focus less on the (incredibly loud) people around him and focus more on... Emil. It's not a perfect process; he fights the urge to yank the collar of his sweater right up to his nose as they pick their way through the crowd, but once they step into this fake living room that Emil just happened to find—hmm. So this is what Emil likes? Light, Ikea™-furnished spaces... and stickers on helmets, of course. He's learning so much today.

But after giving that chair a suspicious look, he walks over to the couch and gives it an experimental poke. ...Ah. Much nicer than curtains.]

It's... better. Brighter.

[That is indeed a compliment! Lalli approves of this simple space. But, uh, does he know what Emil is talking about here... no, because a) his room is Plain and he likes it, and b) most of his money goes right into a savings account. Emil's space, though? That's a curious thought indeed, for no real reason at all. Where does Emil go at the end of the day...]

...What is your place like?

["Place." Weird. Lalli drops onto the couch, sinking deeper and deeper into this overstuffed cushion as he waits for these deets.]

Edited (¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ) 2019-02-21 05:48 (UTC)

[Ooooh Lalli, you wanna see his place?? So bold. Or, Emil hums while he considers how to make "well I used to have more money and now I have Less Overall" sound cool and impressive, while he leans against the arm of this couch now. Hmm... How does one sound cool about unfortunate financial accidents...]

Uhhhh, hmm. It's... conservative? [That is A Word but probably not the right one--] I still have my desk from when I was a kid because I can't afford a new one.

[Imagine a Place that is half adult furniture and half "do you still fit in that chair?" and that's the answer. Emil thinks this is objectively embarrassing, but he also thinks they are friends having a good time right now at a store, and that he has to be more, ah, forward than Lalli, so--]

You can come over sometime, if you want.

[Lalli probably hasn't changed out any of the furniture in his room except for the few things he absolutely outgrew; keeping a perfectly usable desk instead of buying a fancy new one seems a-okay to him, but—ah, an invitation? Is that really what that is? He watches Emil for a moment before, like, sliding his eyes to the side to study this incredibly interesting lamp. He's not thought about hanging out at someone else's place since he was a kid, and even then it was... so rare...]

Oh. [OH. This is brand new awkward territory for him, so watch him fidget with the cuffs of his sweater as he works out what to say. What would Tuuri whisper in his ear at this very moment—] Yes? If... you want me to.

[Presumably so, since he's the one who made the offer, but surely this is? Polite?? Or something??? He's Trying.]

[What's the lamp's name.

Anyway, this is not the enthusiasm Emil would have liked, but it's about what he expected, so-- can't complain. He can only wait and watch Lalli fuss with his sweater before he gets a whole, real sentence...]

Well, obviously. [Wait Emil Be Nicer] I mean, yes, that's why I asked! Something tells me you'd rather hang out in a place with fewer people, soooo... next time.

[The elusive Next Time, they can do a normal activity for normal adults. Shopping is a normal activity, but this is genuinely hanging out at Ikea, so they have yet to clear the lowest bar for normal adult behavior. Next time, Emil says, like he isn't a little too excited that Lalli would possibly come over? Weird.]

[ARÖD, apparently. Charming. But as rude as that "Well, obviously," sounded, Lalli is still... pleased... to hear it? Obviously he wants Lalli to come over. Obviously. That means that this trip must be going well, even though they're only, like, fifteen minutes into it, and that Emil miiiiiight just... like Lalli as a whole, not just Lalli the IT Guy.

...Good. Weird? It's both, which is why he decides to shove this vague idea out of his mind as he hops back to his feet. He feels happy-ish for... no real reason! Yeah!!]

Mm. Next time. [He has to quietly repeat that for his own benefit, don't mind him. Maybe he just likes the sound of it.] We can... watch something. And order in.

[Is this where Emil finds out that Lalli, a Taurus, likes sappy soap operas???? Probably not, because this idiot totally described a date without even realizing it. He just wants minimal! Human! Interaction! ...Aside from Emil!]

[That is a date and please watch sappy soap operas with Emil so that he can cry like a child and pretend he isn't. For his part, Emil is just as quietly pleased about Next Time, content to leave that as it is and maybe go find the food now before Lalli goes and makes it sound all... date-y.

Now, Emil has never been on a date, but he's seen movies, and that seems to be the general idea? But how do you ask a person if they're talking about a Date without immediately making it awkward? You don't, he decides, so he, uh, won't. He'll think about it later, whether it's supposed to be a Date and whether that would be... entirely objectionable, a Date with Lalli...]

Huh, [but he's not equipped for that kind of thinking right now, so let's move on.] That sounds great. Let me know when you have another day off, I guess?

[Perfect!! This is 200% of his usual socializing outside of work.]

I think we should go eat something.

[Sometimes it's nice to be Lalli? To be blissfully unaware that you just said some weird shit? Because while Emil is over there pondering whether or not that would be a date-date, Lalli is just, you know, giving himself a mental pat on the back for thinking of something cool and casual on the fly. Maybe he'll tell Tuuri about his shining moment when she asks him how everything went, and maybe she'll set him straight, but for now—yeah, he did good.

Anyway, his next day off... will be next weekend, seeing as how he has no social life to speak of, but thankfully he's too distracted by food to blurt that out at this point in time.]

We should. Before everyone else wants food, too.

[Who will tell him that there are probably the same amount in the restaurant... actually, don't. Just let him mosey back into the aisle in peace, because look, he's perked up a bit!]

This way?

[He's pointing in the right direction, but show him those cool shortcuts that only real Ikea aficionados know, Emil.]

Edited (i can type) 2019-02-22 02:43 (UTC)

[Maybe Tuuri will be proud of his ability to so smoothly get a Schrodinger's date with a beautiful Swede!! Maybe that. He did do good, anyway; Emil is incredibly pleased with how well this is going, and now he gets to show off Swedish food(tm), which is his favorite part.]

Sure, if you want to take the long way around. Come with me!

[This isn't a suggestion, this is only the prelude to Emil tugging his sleeve to drag him off on a secret, only somewhat circuitous route to the food zone. Fondly tugging, at least - he's all but linking arms and skipping the way there, but come with him! This path is only faster because it has fewer people packed into aisles, and that is because it involves cutting through several more display rooms in a way that, maybe, they're not supposed to do. It's fine! Swedes are allowed this privilege!]

You should try the apple cake! [he says, as he shuffles behind a couch and around a fake wall, casually,] I don't really know how much you'll like the other food?

[Because he only picks at his food when they have lunch at work. They have a children's menu, which Emil thinks about very hard, but wisely does not bring up. Maybe, if he has to be subtle...]

[Lalli isn't terribly fond of being dragged about, thanks, but—well, it's hard to be too upset about things when a) they're avoiding most of the other customers and b) food could be hiding behind any one of these corners Emil keeps whipping around. Who cares if the occasional employee they pass gives them a weird look? It's not like Lalli's paying attention to them; he's too busy trying not to run into random pieces of furniture, because Emil... isn't the best at picking paths.

But it's fine! Things are surprisingly fine, especially when apple cake is mentioned. With cinnamon, presumably... hot damn...]

Ah. [Hmm...] Is everything else weird?

[That is indeed his takeaway, because Swedish furniture store food being weird... seems totally fitting? It's not that he's picky. No way.]

[This is the Secret Ikea Path, known only to Emil, who is demonstrating once again that he's clearly spent too much time in this store. At least, as much as he makes them fumble around a couch corner, he doesn't need to backtrack. If this path were optimized for swiftness, he would be a genius...!!

Just wait, though, for the actual cinnamon buns... Cake first, because cake is a Meal. It's a miracle Emil did not drop dead a month after moving out to live on his own.]

Hmm, maybe? It's just that I don't think I've ever seen you eat anything besides sweets.

[Or like, only the lunch meat out of a sandwich, but that's not even a children's menu item.]

[Lalli grew up in a sugar-free household, Emil! He's making up for all of those missed opportunities! But even as he thinks back to, like, their most recent lunches—including the one Emil oh so graciously brought to him—it's not like he can really dispute this fact about himself. Sure, go ahead and read him in this store...]

I do. ...Sometimes.

[That's an A+ defense. He knows it. Just like he knows that normal twenty-year-olds probably don't live off sugar and sugar alone, as his cousins have often told him in a caring sort of way, SO.]

What are you getting?

[Maybe he'll try something new to look cool in front of his new Swedish friend... or maybe he'll dip his french fries into whatever it is Emil orders. He's a blast.]

[Oh, is he defensive?? That's kind of cute, but Emil isn't convinced until he sees it. When Lalli eats a whole meal and not just the dessert, then he'll believe this elusive "sometimes"...]

Meatballs.

[Duh, he's a Swede!! Look up Swedish stereotypes online and you will find pictures of Emil, being unnaturally beautiful and eating Ikea meatballs, and like, recycling and stuff. He thinks for a moment about the Ikea Menu, which he has naturally memorized, but it's not like it's hard-]

If you don't like salmon, you're going to be in trouble.

[Meatballs. It's not the worst thing in the world, but Lalli still pulls a face as he imagines an entire plate of stuff swimming in gravy. Swedes!! It's probably a good thing that Emil is facing forward...

Salmon, however, is... better. Edible, as long as it doesn't taste, like, too fishy. There's a fine line between things Lalli likes and things Lalli will not touch, but as the restaurant finally comes into view, he knows that it's do-or-die time.]

Mrh. [So he's not excited about it, obviously, but—] ...I'll find something.

[And as they close in on the slight line, he takes one look at the signs hanging above the serving stations and knows that the something is going to be... chicken tenders and fries! Plus a slice of apple cake, as per Emil's suggestion. Do not judge him as he loads this shit onto a tray... just let him walk up to the register in peace...]

[There are also berries. With the meatballs. Swedish cuisine(tm). Anyway, Emil is tentatively under the impression that Lalli will try to eat like a grownup today, out here in public... And those dreams are promptly crushed when he looks away from loading up his meatballs-and-mashed-potatoes(-and-also-berries) plate to see chicken tenders.

You take a boy to a furniture store and he wants tendies? That's certainly a choice. Emil just watches this for a moment, witnessing... but he will not judge as he follows Lalli to the register. Tendies......

As a generous gift, he will make sure to find a table that is not near any children and only minimal adults. You're welcome.]

You can try a meatball if you want.

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8 years later

every tag brings us one step closer to toe shoes

emil's marriage vows are to tolerate toe shoes being in his house

and lalli's: to tolerate the 847584 bottles of shampoo and conditioner in the shower

i bet lalli washes his hair with a bar of soap

um, please... lalli buys that suave all-in-one shampoo/conditioner/bodywash

emil gives him his own shelf so it doesn't taint his designer brands