dumbshow | the critically acclaimed open post

the critically acclaimed open post

assorted shitty people

optional prompts/ideas

☆ caught in the rain meme
☆ little steps meme
☆ affectionate physical contact meme
☆ picture prompt also acceptable but link them so it's tidy
☆ AU ideas: soulmates AU, reincarnation AU, Bad End AU, canon divergent/roleswap AU, dorky college AU, crossover AU, super indulgent high fantasy AU
☆ melodrama is ultimate tier
★ SHIPPING AND FILTHY THINGS:
☆ non-fluffy relationship types I'm down for: codependent, master/servant power imbalance type ships, "we're bad for each other but worse for anyone else," other things I am failing to think of tbh
☆ things I won't rp: noncon (includes "dubcon"), incest, tsundere shit if your tsundere is just verbally abusive, gratuitous torture porn, you'll probably have to ask me about harder kinks and they will vary by character
☆ I don't have a kink list so pitch me an idea if u thirsty
☆ if you would prefer a locked post I can also make that happen

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Maybe it will!! Ling does not take his hand, but pushes back from his desk and stands. He's here, he's coming, let's go.

He has to drive? No, wait--]

Are you driving me around today? Don't tell Lan Fan.

[Follow him to his fancy car(s)!! Parked totally inconspicuously in the back lot.]

What, she controls your cars too?

[Hell yeah he's driving, how often does he get a chance to drive a fancy-ass car. And boy, what an array of choices . . . he finally settles on a Ferrari, settling in with clear delight.]

So? Where you wanna go? Restaurant? Coffee shop? Or just your place?

She gives me these looks... [This as he goes around to slide gratefully into the passenger seat. Has Ling ever actually driven his own cars? It's a mystery.]

I'm starving, [you know, now that he had to think about it,] Get us food first.

Please.

[He says it without thinking as he grabs the keys and starts the car. And it's a tease, yeah, but at the same time . . . he's still Greed's boss.]

[And Ling just looks at him while fiddling with his seatbelt; please? Please what? Please let Greed go home with all his body parts still attached? It's a mixture of honest confusion and offense on his face for a few seconds, and something else he isn't going to touch for now-- just how careful he has to be with this flirty whatever it is to keep Greed from really overstepping his bounds.

But the flirty thing is fun... Ling buckles the seatbelt and sits back, waiting, not saying please. Drive, little follower.]

[Ah. Well. . . . okay, then. That happened, and at least Ling didn't mess up his car by splattering Greed's brains all over it, so. That's good? He's gonna count that as a win as he pulls out and speeds down the street. At least there's no worry about wrecking the boss's car; he's actually pretty good at driving.]

It's gonna be a real one-sided relationship if I can't even joke with you before sucking you off.

[Noted: Greed really, really loves going incredibly fast in any way possible. Ling sputters out a laugh this time, at least, tilting his head to watch Greed drive his fancy car.]

I'm already too lenient with you. [This, feeding him off his own plate... Appreciate more subtlety, Greed.] At least let me find the line before you try crossing it.

[Because it's not sex, this imaginary line. They are certainly going to sleep together whether it's in this hour or another two weeks from now, because Ling is in the habit of taking perfectly good opportunities when they're presented to him this easily. They're attracted to each other, so it's pretty much a done deal.

But Ling's world is different from Greed's back alley gangster world, and they aren't professional equals, so there has to be at least some semblance of respect. He's working it out.]

Ahh, where's the fun in that?

[No, no, he's not stupid. He'll back off just a little, at least until Ling can set a few more boundaries. He won't stop mouthing off, of course, but-- well. There's a difference between doing it in front of people and when they're alone, right? Even Greed isn't stupid enough to bite back when they're in front of subordinates; Ling would have no choice but to cut him down, and Greed would think he was a fool if he didn't. But in private . . .]

I mean, c'mon, be honest: how long's it been since anyone talked to you without kissing your ass?

Ages! [He huffs it out with a hint of a whine. That's even more reason to let him work out the details first -- he hardly knows how to respond to anything casual anymore. As much as Ling tries to address his people as casually as possible, Xing syndicate traditions hold back all of them from responding to him in kind. "Sir" this, "Mr. Yao" that...

So he's walking a bit of a tightrope with Greed; his instinct is to dive right into this, let him be as friendly as he wants, but he can't. So. Little steps. He hums and looks out the window.

After a moment,] Don't get me wrong, I don't mind. But you know how these things are.

I guess. Though I think we can go a little easy when it's just you and me. I promise I'll still kiss your ass in public.

[Still, he's talking just to talk, not trying to pressure Ling into giving him an answer. They reach an American joint within ten minutes-- because yeah, Ling probably meant some Xingese place, but consider: he's the one driving. Besides, they ate egg rolls and dumplings last time.

It's time for a burger and fries. Maybe even a milkshake.]

Don't make a face. It's good.

[He's already making a face, this white boy, sigh... he'll eat a burger the size of his own head, sure, but he'd rather eat fifty dumplings and call it a night.

Still, he's not complaining, so Greed wins this round and they get out of the car without issue. Back, then, to the real subject at hand...]

Does that make you my dirty little secret?

Do you want me to be?

[He doesn't mind it. He's not in this entirely to be some mob boss' sex toy, but hey, he likes perks as much as anyone. And it's a good way to skip his way up the ladder, rather than slowly climbing it rung by miserable rung.]

Bow to you by day, fuck you at night, that kinda deal? Or maybe the opposite, given what kinda hours we usually work. I could live with that. Though I think the secret's gonna get busted pretty quick, given how notorious you are.

[It isn't a bad deal, as far as... pseudo-secret arrangements to be fuckbuddies go. Ling plays favorites and everyone knows that, so Greed is right-- anything that happens between them won't be a secret for long. Hell, they've already waltzed out a crowded building together for no reason other than Greed showed up uninvited and asked.

It could be a disaster waiting to happen. Ling's a little excited about that, honestly.]

You do have a point. There's nothing we can do about that, wouldn't you say? [Everybody Talks] That aside... I want to have a meal and get to know you better.

[Think of this as another interview, the sexy interview.]

[A sexy, sexy interview. He's been preparing for this his whole life. Aren't you attracted to his shitty sunglasses and copious amounts of leather?

Actually, he does look pretty good, if only because he'd known there was a reasonable chance they'd be flirting (if not fucking) tonight. So no sunglasses, no, and he's got on a nice tight shirt, so all in all, he's prepared.]

Yeah, all right. How bout a question for a question, huh? Like . . . you ever done something like this before?

[Individually the sunglasses and leather are stupid, but combined -- not bad. Even better when they're absent entirely though, yeah, good call. The tight shirt is a definite plus and Ling has taken special note of it for future reference.]

Like what, exactly? Flirt with people who work for me? Sometimes.

[Not as often as he'll pretend; much of the time it's business all the way down, especially when so many of his people are far too serious for any of his antics. But here and there, a handful of people...]

My question is... the same question.

Nah. Not in business, anyway.

[One, it's usually a bad idea, and two, much as he adores his crew, he isn't all that interested in flirting heavily with any of them. Martel, maybe, but even then, they just don't get along.]

How old are you?

Hmm, I guess you wouldn't.

[You know, because he has fewer people than Ling does... that's the jab here. Anyway I can't remember who has an established age yet in this AU so whatever,]

I'm twenty-five. Let's see... why did you decide to get into this life?

[He is, for the record, nineteen. He will lie and say he's twenty-five, because he's a loser like that.]

Same reason everyone decided. I needed something, it cost too much, and the legal way of getting money just wasn't cutting it.

So I started as a runner. And then I was pretty good at fighting, so I got to do the less shitty jobs. And then I figured, hey, why be a small fry running around on some idiot's orders when I could actually get some stuff done?

Mm. Maybe not everybody, though. You were born into it.

[It's just a fact. The Yao clan is too rich to not be known. He takes a bite of his (disgustingly large) burger and adds:]

When's the last time you had somebody in your bed? Casual or a relationship, either way.

[Nah, he's a baby, Ling can tell. He won't pick on him for it, at least not yet. Maybe one day.

In any case, this is pretty much the backstory he expected. He's sure there's more, but it isn't important enough to push for now, and he simply grins around a couple fries at the comment about his shady birthright. Hell yeah, he was born into crime and it was fantastic. It's still fantastic, aside from the part where he was pseudo-exiled to slum in Amestris before bending the city over his knee.

Besides that, fantastic.]

You are pretty good at fighting. [Now, let him do a quick recall count, counting fries while he's at it.] It's been a few months for me, but it wasn't serious.

[He ought to subtract a fry, because Greed is sneaking over a hand, snagging a fry (two fries) (three) (sorry babe). But for all he's playing, there's something serious in his gaze as he considers that answer.]

Somebody from your organization?

[Not exactly good business practice, not that Greed will point that out just yet. But he wonders, because he likes to know if he's the first, or if he's going to have to follow what precedents some other sucker first set up.]

[Babe, you're killing him. You're starving him. Ling takes another couple fries to make up for his terrible theft, eating far too many at once while he considers Greed a moment.

Aw--] Are you the jealous type?

[That's an actual, honest question, so he manages to keep the teasing edge out of his voice when he asks. It's probably good to know these things going in...]

But no, it was just somebody. Don't worry about them now!

Mm. Not jealous like I think you're gonna run off and sleep with somebody from your past if you meet up with them. And not jealous like I can't stand hearing about some girlfriend or whatever. But jealous in that I don't like to share what's mine, sure.

[So, basically, monogamy or bust, which isn't that unreasonable. But he shrugs one shoulder, preventing things from getting too serious.]

If anything serious happens between us, anyway, then sure, don't go sleeping around, but I'm not gonna be breathing down your neck cuz you-- I don't know-- spent a long time chatting with Lan Fan or whatever.

You?

[That's surprisingly pure, in a way that laying down such possessive language might border on overly so if Ling didn't completely understand the mentality behind it. So in that way it's... good? It's certainly something, to hear this explanation, so closely aligned to his own thoughts, laid out without tiptoeing around the points.

So: pure. Monogamy. Very sweet. He nods and eats, like, 6 more fries.]

That sounds good to me! But I'd have to let you go entirely if you betrayed my trust like that, just so you know.

[Would not be a good look, keeping a boy around after something like that, no matter how good at fighting he is.]

I'll give you another question, since my answer wasn't very different.

Ahh, he spoils me . . .

[He drawls that out, mostly to fill the air as he tries to think of what else he wants to know. The possibilities seem endless, things ranging from the personal to the practical, and he picks one at random.]

A tough one, then: favorite food.

[Mundane? Maybe. But also something he should know, if they're gonna do this. This, whatever it is.]

So much for keeping it light.

[Ha ha, jokes. This is the hardest question yet, and he will think about it for an actual full minute, while he eats some of his own giant awful burger. Hmm!]

Hot pot.

[He picks something that isn't even one food, of course he does, moving right along--]

Yours isn't these cheap burgers, is it? They're edible, but...

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