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the critically acclaimed open post

assorted shitty people

optional prompts/ideas

☆ caught in the rain meme
☆ little steps meme
☆ affectionate physical contact meme
☆ picture prompt also acceptable but link them so it's tidy
☆ AU ideas: soulmates AU, reincarnation AU, Bad End AU, canon divergent/roleswap AU, dorky college AU, crossover AU, super indulgent high fantasy AU
☆ melodrama is ultimate tier
★ SHIPPING AND FILTHY THINGS:
☆ non-fluffy relationship types I'm down for: codependent, master/servant power imbalance type ships, "we're bad for each other but worse for anyone else," other things I am failing to think of tbh
☆ things I won't rp: noncon (includes "dubcon"), incest, tsundere shit if your tsundere is just verbally abusive, gratuitous torture porn, you'll probably have to ask me about harder kinks and they will vary by character
☆ I don't have a kink list so pitch me an idea if u thirsty
☆ if you would prefer a locked post I can also make that happen

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I guess. Though I think we can go a little easy when it's just you and me. I promise I'll still kiss your ass in public.

[Still, he's talking just to talk, not trying to pressure Ling into giving him an answer. They reach an American joint within ten minutes-- because yeah, Ling probably meant some Xingese place, but consider: he's the one driving. Besides, they ate egg rolls and dumplings last time.

It's time for a burger and fries. Maybe even a milkshake.]

Don't make a face. It's good.

[He's already making a face, this white boy, sigh... he'll eat a burger the size of his own head, sure, but he'd rather eat fifty dumplings and call it a night.

Still, he's not complaining, so Greed wins this round and they get out of the car without issue. Back, then, to the real subject at hand...]

Does that make you my dirty little secret?

Do you want me to be?

[He doesn't mind it. He's not in this entirely to be some mob boss' sex toy, but hey, he likes perks as much as anyone. And it's a good way to skip his way up the ladder, rather than slowly climbing it rung by miserable rung.]

Bow to you by day, fuck you at night, that kinda deal? Or maybe the opposite, given what kinda hours we usually work. I could live with that. Though I think the secret's gonna get busted pretty quick, given how notorious you are.

[It isn't a bad deal, as far as... pseudo-secret arrangements to be fuckbuddies go. Ling plays favorites and everyone knows that, so Greed is right-- anything that happens between them won't be a secret for long. Hell, they've already waltzed out a crowded building together for no reason other than Greed showed up uninvited and asked.

It could be a disaster waiting to happen. Ling's a little excited about that, honestly.]

You do have a point. There's nothing we can do about that, wouldn't you say? [Everybody Talks] That aside... I want to have a meal and get to know you better.

[Think of this as another interview, the sexy interview.]

[A sexy, sexy interview. He's been preparing for this his whole life. Aren't you attracted to his shitty sunglasses and copious amounts of leather?

Actually, he does look pretty good, if only because he'd known there was a reasonable chance they'd be flirting (if not fucking) tonight. So no sunglasses, no, and he's got on a nice tight shirt, so all in all, he's prepared.]

Yeah, all right. How bout a question for a question, huh? Like . . . you ever done something like this before?

[Individually the sunglasses and leather are stupid, but combined -- not bad. Even better when they're absent entirely though, yeah, good call. The tight shirt is a definite plus and Ling has taken special note of it for future reference.]

Like what, exactly? Flirt with people who work for me? Sometimes.

[Not as often as he'll pretend; much of the time it's business all the way down, especially when so many of his people are far too serious for any of his antics. But here and there, a handful of people...]

My question is... the same question.

Nah. Not in business, anyway.

[One, it's usually a bad idea, and two, much as he adores his crew, he isn't all that interested in flirting heavily with any of them. Martel, maybe, but even then, they just don't get along.]

How old are you?

Hmm, I guess you wouldn't.

[You know, because he has fewer people than Ling does... that's the jab here. Anyway I can't remember who has an established age yet in this AU so whatever,]

I'm twenty-five. Let's see... why did you decide to get into this life?

[He is, for the record, nineteen. He will lie and say he's twenty-five, because he's a loser like that.]

Same reason everyone decided. I needed something, it cost too much, and the legal way of getting money just wasn't cutting it.

So I started as a runner. And then I was pretty good at fighting, so I got to do the less shitty jobs. And then I figured, hey, why be a small fry running around on some idiot's orders when I could actually get some stuff done?

Mm. Maybe not everybody, though. You were born into it.

[It's just a fact. The Yao clan is too rich to not be known. He takes a bite of his (disgustingly large) burger and adds:]

When's the last time you had somebody in your bed? Casual or a relationship, either way.

[Nah, he's a baby, Ling can tell. He won't pick on him for it, at least not yet. Maybe one day.

In any case, this is pretty much the backstory he expected. He's sure there's more, but it isn't important enough to push for now, and he simply grins around a couple fries at the comment about his shady birthright. Hell yeah, he was born into crime and it was fantastic. It's still fantastic, aside from the part where he was pseudo-exiled to slum in Amestris before bending the city over his knee.

Besides that, fantastic.]

You are pretty good at fighting. [Now, let him do a quick recall count, counting fries while he's at it.] It's been a few months for me, but it wasn't serious.

[He ought to subtract a fry, because Greed is sneaking over a hand, snagging a fry (two fries) (three) (sorry babe). But for all he's playing, there's something serious in his gaze as he considers that answer.]

Somebody from your organization?

[Not exactly good business practice, not that Greed will point that out just yet. But he wonders, because he likes to know if he's the first, or if he's going to have to follow what precedents some other sucker first set up.]

[Babe, you're killing him. You're starving him. Ling takes another couple fries to make up for his terrible theft, eating far too many at once while he considers Greed a moment.

Aw--] Are you the jealous type?

[That's an actual, honest question, so he manages to keep the teasing edge out of his voice when he asks. It's probably good to know these things going in...]

But no, it was just somebody. Don't worry about them now!

Mm. Not jealous like I think you're gonna run off and sleep with somebody from your past if you meet up with them. And not jealous like I can't stand hearing about some girlfriend or whatever. But jealous in that I don't like to share what's mine, sure.

[So, basically, monogamy or bust, which isn't that unreasonable. But he shrugs one shoulder, preventing things from getting too serious.]

If anything serious happens between us, anyway, then sure, don't go sleeping around, but I'm not gonna be breathing down your neck cuz you-- I don't know-- spent a long time chatting with Lan Fan or whatever.

You?

[That's surprisingly pure, in a way that laying down such possessive language might border on overly so if Ling didn't completely understand the mentality behind it. So in that way it's... good? It's certainly something, to hear this explanation, so closely aligned to his own thoughts, laid out without tiptoeing around the points.

So: pure. Monogamy. Very sweet. He nods and eats, like, 6 more fries.]

That sounds good to me! But I'd have to let you go entirely if you betrayed my trust like that, just so you know.

[Would not be a good look, keeping a boy around after something like that, no matter how good at fighting he is.]

I'll give you another question, since my answer wasn't very different.

Ahh, he spoils me . . .

[He drawls that out, mostly to fill the air as he tries to think of what else he wants to know. The possibilities seem endless, things ranging from the personal to the practical, and he picks one at random.]

A tough one, then: favorite food.

[Mundane? Maybe. But also something he should know, if they're gonna do this. This, whatever it is.]

So much for keeping it light.

[Ha ha, jokes. This is the hardest question yet, and he will think about it for an actual full minute, while he eats some of his own giant awful burger. Hmm!]

Hot pot.

[He picks something that isn't even one food, of course he does, moving right along--]

Yours isn't these cheap burgers, is it? They're edible, but...

What if they are? Love me for who I am, Mr. Yao, they're pretty damn good.

[And saying so, he takes another bite, entirely unapologetic.]

But, no, they're not. If I had to pick, I'd probably go with some kinda stew or something. Something warm, you know? One of those home-y meals.

[There's a few more people staring at them now-- or maybe just staring at Ling. He's not the most notorious criminal around, but nor is he unknown, even in Amestris. And there seem to be a lot more people just idling around . . .]

Shit. We gotta get outta here.

[They're adequate... Ling makes a face around his, but like, he's still eating it so that has to count for something. He's about to comment on the "homey meals" bit when it's brought to his attention that Greed totally took him to a burger place full of hoodlums, and here he is, standing out like a sore thumb if only because there are only so many people who tick all the boxes in the list of gangster, Xingese, and younger-than-I-thought-they'd-be.

One. There's just one. He groans a little, frustrated, and puts the burger down.]

Alright. Look menacing and we'll be out of here in no time.

Yeah, here's hoping.

[Only there's a lot of them. Five, seven, ten . . . shit, there's no way this was coincidental. What the fuck were they doing, just waiting around here? Or--

No, he realizes, no, not at all. They were tailed.

He stands obediently, looking as menacing as he can (which isn't very, not at this age, all whipcord strength instead of the large figure he wants to be), and makes his way to the door, Ling right behind him. They move as though there's no question they're in the right here, that they surely won't be stopped--

--but of course they are. Some guy who thinks mass equates strength; he's all fat, but he blocks the door efficiently. And just as Greed opens his mouth to snarl, there's a polite cough from behind them, a sarcastic little ahem.

A man who looks more as though he might fit in with businessmen than gangsters stands behind Ling. He smiles insincerely, none of the light reaching his eyes, and speaks.

He says stupid things. Things about solving things peacefully and a fair share of profits and knowing your place. He talks about established gangs and insolent newcomers; he assures them that this isn't personal, not at all.

It's a load of shit that comes right before a beating, and so Greed doesn't bother to listen to it. Just shifts, angles himself, tries to put Ling at his back properly.

Time to earn his paycheck.]

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