sappy love song lyrics

[pruning]

[Leon's days off are always an interesting trial. Part of D likes having him around all day, on the off chance he's bored enough to be helpful, or do something endearing with Chris, or just go entertain Pon-chan in a corner away from any customers who come in. Those days off are alright. But the ones where Leon is bored, but not bored enough to want to do anything except sit on the couch and ask D, over and over, if he'll close shop and do something "more fun than cleaning up bird shit"... Well. Trials.

Thankfully there was an important errand for D to run today, and he didn't bother asking if Leon would like to come along. What the errand was isn't important; what matters is that it was dull, Leon would have hated it, and it took even longer than D was expecting it to take - even he's on the wrong side of tired by the time he and his nondescript bags shoulder their way back into the shop some time after he said he'd be back. The CLOSED sign remains untouched; he needs a break, he's decided, at least for a bit...

Whatever is happening in the shop when he walks in is not what he hoped to find. There's Leon, and - flower petals? and candles? and a small group of animals menacing him, presumably for making a mess...

god he was gone for like an hour and a half tops what did you do

D will be over here, still hovering close to the door with his errand bags, not sure which kneejerk reaction to go with first.]

... What exactly are you trying to do to my front room?

Comments

[dicktective]

How is a candle going to help? Weird Chinese secret? [He's probably still half-convinced all Chinese people know kung-fu, to be honest.

Right, candles. The corner of Leon's mouth twitches as he fights a grin at how annoyed D sounds.] I like you in the bath too. [NAILED IT. He grins broadly and has to fight a laugh this time, ridiculously pleased with himself. Oh yeah Leon, so smooth, who's the man?]

[pruning]

Yes. [The ancient art of passive-aggressive candle lighting, perhaps.

Anyway—wow. D makes a face, caught somewhere between "this is where I've laid my affections" and thinking about baths in greater detail. Don't let the bad flirting win... don't do it...]

I did say I would show you. [perfect casual delivery] Another time.

[dicktective]

[Leon's silent laughter quickly becomes a loud cough and he clears his throat, adjusts his collar, etc.]

Yeah, uh-- Oh, look we're here! [He says it a bit too quickly and loudly, yanking at D some as he rushes on to open the door and show him the candle mess inside.

Which is, surprisingly, not much of a mess. He placed them all in a corner of the room, and there's one already lit on the nightstand. The smell of blueberry scones is everywhere, and once again Leon looks pretty proud of himself.] You should just invest in these than that incense crap. It's probably cheaper, and it smells better!

[pruning]

[still got it]

[D's insufferable smirking is cut off by being yanked into the room, and he does look around warily at first, wondering what mess he will encounter. But miraculously, everything smells like scones and there's only one out of the way, unsightly pile for him to pick up and put somewhere else while Leon is at work.

Just saying, he's going to do that. He waves a hand dismissively as he casually detaches himself from Leon to go have a look at the already lit candle. These big, store brand jar candles are not his favored, overly expensive (and probably imported for no reason) candle variety, okay...]

'With pure, natural extracts'...? Essence of baking flour, perhaps? [shit wait maybe he shouldn't make fun of this] It smells very nice!

[dicktective]

Wouldn't that make it explode? [Flour explodes or...something, right? He glances skeptically at the lit candle,before picking up one that boasts that it smells just like pumpkin pie.]

This girl I dated once used to light these sorts of ones to pretend she actually knew how to cook. [He looks amused, as if there's nothing wrong with bringing up some random girl he dated who knows how long ago to his current plantfriend.]

Do you know how to make pumpkin pie? [He's already thinking ahead to Thanksgiving now that he's got the candle in his hands. After a moment Leon turns to eye D, trying to imagine him at an Orcot family reunion Thanksgiving dinner thing. To be fair, the rest of his family was better off than he was-- cultured, or something, so maybe he'd actually fit right in. Thanksgiving would at least be a more 'formal' occasion.

Maybe a 4th of July party, with barbecue and beer and fireworks. D standing with his mouth a thin, judging line in the middle of red, white, and blue tacky decorations and screaming kids.

Leon turns away quickly, but his shaking shoulders might give him away.]

[pruning]

[TALKING ABOUT AN EX... It's not that D is both incredibly petty and even more possessive, or anything, but—oops? He makes a face, perhaps close to the thin line mouth of intolerant anger Leon imagines, and quietly resolves to throw away that pumpkin pie candle as soon as possible. He'll pretend an animal knocked it down and shattered its glass jar, or something.

He doesn't even want to know what's so funny now. He's a little embarrassed to be so automatically peeved when Leon starts talking about girls he's dated, but to his credit - he's already made the compromise to not lock the man up and burn the key, so some courtesy in return would be nice.

Or at least not asking him if he can bake things This Girl pretended to bake. How rude!!]

Of course I know how to make pumpkin pie. [BUT HE WOULD RATHER STARE AT SOME OTHER CANDLES, BYE]

[dicktective]

[Leon laughs out loud, unable to help himself-- he can tell D doesn't sound happy, but he's not sure if it's because Leon insinuated he could bake a pie, or something else, but it's not enough to keep him from laughing. Your boyfriend's dumb, D.... Sorry.

He settles in a grin and sets the candle back down] Great, you can make it when Thanksgiving comes around. I'll taste test for you. [And then, partly because he feels like it, but mostly because he hopes to distract D from whatever mood he's in, Leon crosses over to press a smacking kiss to D's cheek.

Baby come back, you can blame it all on meee]

[pruning]

[The dumbest, and yet... Much in the way many people look at their other halves and wonder how everyone else in the world could not be in love with them, D looks at Leon and thinks he definitely understands why they're not. What a dope.

No offense or anything. Like the fickle jerk he is, D is placated by the excessively affectionate leech-like suckering kiss. He hums, an edge of amusement slipping back in at the last moment. Amused or not though, it doesn't stop him from raising a hand to - gently, mercifully - push at Leon's cheek. Don't slobber on him, oaf.]

That's quite a ways away. [... holidays!!] Did you buy candles that smell like Christmas cake, too?

[dicktective]

[Wow D, that's rude. On all accounts.

Leon laughs as D literally pushes him away. He debates blowing a sloppy raspberry on D's cheek, but decides he's carefully balancing a line as-is and smartly retreats. As much as he likes riling D up, a cop's got survival instincts too.]

No, no Christmas Cake. There's Christmas Cookie though. And there's a Bunny Cake one. [He trails off and then gives a shrug as if to say 'who the fuck knows why.'] They had one shaped like a Christmas cake though. Who the fuck would buy that?

[He says with a mountain of candles sitting on the floor behind him.]

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[He didn't give anyone a black eye this time, so it was affectionate and not rude. QED.]

Bunny cake... [What does that mean? Americans. D can't help but be a little disappointed there isn't a cake-shaped candle in that pile; it would be cute, right? Novelty candles are adorable, until they just smell like cheap wax burning instead of anything nice.]

I'm sure if they had a candle shaped like a beer can, you would have found some use for it. [this is your fate leon]

[dicktective]

[Leon grits his teeth and... doesn't really say anything to that, because really that would be awesome.]

People like beer. No one likes Christmas cake. That's shit you give to relatives you don't see or care about as a festive "fuck you!"

-- Wait, I'm thinking of Fruitcake. Whatever, it's the same thing. [Hey D do you think your dad might want some fruitcake this year... Also it's not at all the same thing?? Christ, Leon.]

You know I think they have candles shaped like pies too. I saw a blueberry one, I nearly bit into it before I realized. [Did he really or is he trying to take focus away from his fruitcake blunder with an even dumber blunder? The sad thing is that either is perfectly plausible.]

[pruning]

[Darling... dear... stop... Is he sick?? Did he sniff too many candles and fall into some kind of delirium? When will it end?

That's not a bad idea about sending pops some fruitcake, though. Remind him in a couple months.]

Which did you notice first, that it was wax or that it had a wick coming out of it? [Flatly, because - he doesn't want to know, and also does. It will unfortunately help him gauge how dumb his choice of mullet cops is.]