highly new, slightly improved open post

[appliances]

assorted morons

☆ @ the muselist

optional prompts/ideas

☆ caught in the rain meme ☆ little steps meme ☆ affectionate physical contact meme ☆ picture prompt also acceptable but link them so it's tidy ☆ AU ideas: soulmates AU, reincarnation AU, Bad End AU, canon divergent/roleswap AU, dorky college AU, crossover AU, super indulgent high fantasy AU ☆ melodrama is ultimate tier ★ SHIPPING AND FUCC: ☆ non-fluffy relationship types I'm down for: codependent, master/servant power imbalance type ships, "we're bad for each other but worse for anyone else," other things I am failing to think of tbh ☆ things I am not into: noncon (includes "dubcon"), incest, tsundere shit if your tsundere is just verbally abusive, gratuitous torture porn, you'll probably have to ask me about harder kinks and they will vary by character ☆ I don't have a kink list so pitch me an idea if u thirsty ☆ if you would prefer a locked post I can also make that happen

Comments

[guiltedged]

[Is nothing easy... Anyone else might grow tired right here and now; tired of Felix never being satisfied, tired of trying and coming up against a new wall every time. But Dimitri is held together solely by the constancy of his friends, Felix included, and so the uncertainty of just how much of Felix's constant protesting he deserves is offset by the earnest desire to see him safe and happy. Like the others, like the people but also not, as Felix remains in a sphere of his own if only because he's prickly...

Well, not only. Dimitri can frown mildly at him and bite back his frustration and still want to give Felix whatever he wants if it will just make him happy finally, for once— That isn't the point, he knows. Felix hardly has to keep speaking after his first question, definitely doesn't have to address him with the Savior King moniker, for Dimitri to understand. They've known each other too deeply and for too long for him to need clarification, even if the people they were as children are gone.

Picking up the pieces is not going to be easy- already isn't, but Dimitri is standing here in the woods cupping Felix's face, keeping him close because he can't let Felix slip through his fingers again. Or is it the other way around? Is it both? It's everything at once and it makes him sigh, shutting his eye while he collects his thoughts into some semblance of meaning. Dimitri, Felix says, and the sound of his name in Felix's mouth and the press of fingers around his wrist are enough.

Enough for what is something he hasn't yet determined, but enough. Felix is right in front of him and his heart still aches, but he'll work on it. Eventually, because all he wants to do right now is think about the warmth of Felix's hand and the slightest bit of color in his cheeks, and goddamn it, why must everything happen so much?]

I know, [is what he comes up with eventually, opening his eye again and taking in everything he can of Felix's face this close, in case he pulls away in the end anyway.] I know, I...

[...Well, put a pin in another apology. He's not the Dimitri that Felix went searching for, objectively, but,]

You found me.

[And he's grateful? Of course he is, which is why he brings his other hand up to Felix's shoulder, resting there for a second before he tugs him closer to envelop him in a clumsy hug. He doesn't know how to do these, either, please be patient and don't kick him...]

[brothered]

[There's something to be said about constantly being on the offense? About Felix always seeking to land the first blow, like every interaction is a fight he needs to win—and every victory will force others to see him for who he is, but. At the end of the day, it's a stupid, exhausting way to live one's life, and a part of Felix knows this. The war is won; his father is gone; there is no one in this world he needs to fight.

But he's not quite sure how else to be, especially when it comes to Dimitri. It isn't about paying Dimitri back for every perceived slight, or forcing Dimitri to make up for past wrongs, or anything like that; it's just... it's about loving someone so, so deeply, but knowing that it isn't enough to fix everything. That it's impossible to fix everything. That he doesn't always know what to do.

That's the heart of so many of their problems, isn't it: Felix doesn't always know what to do. He certainly doesn't know what to do now, as Dimitri tugs him into an awkward embrace, and it's—he should hate it! He should! He should shrug that hand away before flying backwards...

...And yet it's the clumsiness that gets him. The familiarity of it. The realization that he did indeed spend years looking for Dimitri, and now that Dimitri is here, this is the closest they've been. Why? What's held him back, aside from his own pride, his own uncertainty? Now it's his turn to stand here, stiffly, and feel so incredibly tired. You found me, Dimitri says, but did he... did he...]

No, [he murmurs, feeling some of the tension eke out of him as he presses his forehead against Dimitri's chest, allows himself to slowly sink into him.] You came back.

[Not all of him, no—but so much of him is still here, warm and solid, and Felix brings his free hand up to curl his fingers in the fabric of Dimitri's coat. Tightly. Something he did a thousand times, when they were younger and he never, ever wanted to leave Dimitri's side.]

i didn't upload any awkward dingus icons, who am i

[guiltedged]

[Ah— so this is what that's like. To be met with no resistance, only acceptance; it may have been a lifetime ago but Dimitri can recall with clarity the way things were when they were children, inseparable, ready to take on the world if it came down to it. This is not that, not really— this has nothing to do with the world and everything to do with Felix, vulnerable in his arms the way he used to be, back when he was a little crybaby and Dimitri remembered how to smile like it was nothing. Some knot in his chest loosens, some tension crumbles away, and as he bows his head to shamelessly bury his nose in Felix's hair and sigh, he feels like— they're going to be okay.

Eventually. They have to get back to their responsibilities sooner or later, but maybe Count Rowe can do his own job for once while the king and his adviser hold each other close in the middle of the forest and forget about the rest. That sounds... kind of nice.

After a moment Dimitri lifts his head, rather than mumble into Felix's hair,] Well, yes, but— I did have help, and...

[And even this much warmth from Felix makes his serious, kingly attitude go straight to pieces. He clears his throat. Whew...]

In any case, you know what I'm trying to say.

[He always has, hasn't he? Rather than babble himself into a corner, Dimitri hums and settles his arm more firmly around Felix's shoulders. Cling to him at your leisure, sir, he's here for it.]

I wouldn't mind staying like this for a little while longer.

a foole... dima deserves 100 of em, at least

[brothered]

[There are fifty reasons not to do this, ranging from the very things he was just bitching about to the fact that he hasn't allowed himself to be this open, this vulnerable, in an incredibly long time, but—ah, well. Felix feels a sudden, familiar tightness behind his eyes, and he squeezes them shut, allowing the world to narrow to the rumble of Dimitri's voice. He's just close enough to feel every word he speaks, and it's... comforting, in a strange way. Proof that this is real.

...And perhaps he should be more concerned about that. Perhaps he will be, come tomorrow, but for now Dimitri tightens his hold and Felix sighs, so quietly as to be inaudible. What is he doing right here, right now? What does he want? He both does and does not know, really, but he's too emotionally drained to give anything more thought than is absolutely necessary; it's enough to just exist, for the moment. To selfishly soak in Dimitri's warmth, his grip on Dimitri's coat tightening as he takes in a deep breath. Another familiar, (embarrassingly) comforting thing: Dimitri's scent. He smells of winter air and horse and him, and despite himself, Felix presses even closer.

He's not one to back away from a fight. He's never afraid to start a fight, either, and yet, rather than attempt to circle back to the much more serious topic of a few minutes ago—hmm. Dimitri is stupidly warm and stupidly comfortable and Felix's eyes are still tightly shut, so. One thing at a time.]

Of course you wouldn't, [he grumbles into Dimitri's chest, very much aware that he is part of the problem here? That he isn't planning to pull away any time soon.] And what will you tell them, when the entire village comes looking for you?

[Well. For both of them, but it isn't Felix the people adore.]

[guiltedged]

[Yes, the new plan to stand here and hold Felix is progressing nicely... Felix sinks in closer and Dimitri feels a warmth he hasn't felt in years, the simple comfort of being close to someone he loves this much. Still, he can't help but flounder, silently, at the very thought - he loves Felix? Of course he loves Felix, without him there is a hole in his heart too great to patch over with distractions and the smiling faces of the people, but— well. Beyond the simple truth that of course he does, he isn't sure if he knows how to love someone properly.

Or if he should. Or if he deserves Felix's affections here and now; not that he would push him away for anything in the world, but oh boy. Oh, Goddess.

He tilts his head down again when Felix speaks anyway, as if he honestly needs to speak in hushed, private tones... all alone out here in the woods. Endure him.]

I will tell them it was your idea. [Ha Ha Ha] Ah, no... they won't come looking as long as they believe bandits roam these woods.

[They're like, angry farmers at best? No one is coming along to interrupt them anytime soon. Dimitri shifts his hand up to touch Felix's cheek, brush aside a few loose strands of hair... hmm!]

It might be selfish, but for now... you and I have time. I can hardly recall the last time we had any, can you?