dumbshow | Friends of Trains

[Ignore the way Jacob nearly trips over himself getting to his feet, and the way his eyes just light up upon seeing Ned. It's not important. Neither is the way he adjusts his hat, or how he doesn't look like he hit every branch on a tree before falling into garbage today. It's not like he's made some attempt to look impressive, no way.]

Course. How else would I find you at that size? [He says, digging through his coat's pockets before he's procured what's unmistakably two tickets. Probably the first time he's ever needed them, and he expects it's something to behold.] I hope the rest of your evening is taken care of, because I happen to be taking you hostage.

[Jacob looks like a real person, but first-] Always a kidder.

[Let him live his tiny life in peace. He'll have to save his comments about Jacob's slightly improved fashion for later, since there's no way to hide the way he perks up and zeroes in on train tickets despite himself. So Jacob actually went through with it, look at that—]

You don't say. Which train? [This is a question only Ned would ever have. He's reaching expectantly for the tickets. Show him the train information.] I think I can make time to get a little kidnapped.

It's... it's a train. A good train. Second most beautiful to Bertha, really. [Leave it to Ned to make Jacob feel dumb for not paying attention to a train model.

He sighs, reluctantly handing over the tickets with only a little bit of a pout.] It's got a dining car that all... kidnapped persons have to have a nice dinner in with their handsome hosts. Countryside view... back to London before you know it.

[Ah... Jacob does try. Ned takes the tickets with one hand and pats Jacob on the arm with the other, not looking at him now that he has train details to inspect. Look at this, a whole train ride...]

If you wanted to have dinner with me, you could've just said so. [He says this, but it's clear from the smile he's pretending not to have on his face that a countryside train ride was definitely the best choice to make. It's no Frye train, which is its own kind of disappointment, but also how nice will it be to have dinner without being interrupted by stupid twin fights?

So nice. Jacob earns a point.] Well, let's get a move on.

Don't pretend you aren't excited. [Jacob positively beams, so he probably has enough excitement for the both of them if Ned weren't. He spends a few seconds admiring the smile Ned totally doesn't have before he actually remembers to get moving, turning for the station tracks that their luxurious ride awaited.]

We have a nice closed car to ourselves, and I think there's a bottle of champagne waiting for us. Don't let anyone tell you Jacob Frye doesn't pull out all the stops.

[Don't be cute at him this early in the evening. He's still giving the tickets a fond look as he follows Jacob to the correct train, eyebrows raising with interest at the idea of a whole goddamn car? A whole car.]

How many of these stops am I funding? [remember you work for him sometimes,] I'll spread the word that Jacob Frye knows just how to throw his money around.

I'm spending your money on you, so I can't imagine it's really all that bad an investment. [It's so much of his money, and he probably took it from the vault. Evie's probably wondering where it all went. Jacob doesn't care, though, he's just counting cars until he slows to a stop outside their apparent Whole Car.]

Whole day, night, next morning. [He's even a gentlemen, extending an arm in motion for Ned to step on first. Pulled out all the stops indeed, with the car's big windows of the parlor surely meant for more than two people.] Think you can handle me for that long?

[Ned hums, as if to say Jacob could probably stand to invest Ned's money in smarter things than train outings, but hell if he's even buying that himself. A whole car! On a train! Jacob can have even more money if he's going to do this.

But Ned is not a gentleman, and does not take Jacob's arm so much as push it down and chuckle at him as he steps into the car. Got to have a quick look around...]

In this beautiful piece of engineering? I could stay here for a week if the city wouldn't fall down without me. [you did Good, Jacob.]

A whole week? Maybe I'll have to take you hostage more often. [Jacob laughs, following shortly after him and taking care to shut the car door behind him. The amount of privacy is truly a feat of him actually thinking ahead, blinds over the bedroom half shut and the curtains drawn over the side other station goers would have been looking in.

Even better: there is champagne before the couchs, and there's a tray of a wider variety of drinks just for their pleasure. He had no idea, but he's definitely going to look smug about it.] And here you were, almost late for one of the best vacations London has to offer.

[Ned will get to that champagne in a minute, after he goes and has a good look at everything in this private car. This definitely cost him a sizable chunk of money, didn't it? It's nice enough that he'll stop harping on it, running his hand along the edge of the curtain separating the two halves of the car as he comes back over to check out the Good Shit. The alcohol.

Know that he has a big crush on this train, though. If it weren't obvious.] I had work that needed to get done. Maybe you've heard of that, doing work when it needs doing. Business before pleasure.

[Anyway pour him some dang champagne.]

Come to think of it, I have heard of it... Sounds like a load of rubbish for boring people. There will be no business in this car unless it's the business of telling Jacob Frye how magnificent he is. [It's fine, Jacob has a crush on Ned while Ned crushes on this train. That's just how his life is now, he's used to it.

He will get to pouring him a glass after he delicately sets his hat down, nearly filling both of them to the brim. Probably a bad idea, given how the noise outside indicates they're going to be moving in the next few minutes.] At least, that's my kind of pleasure.

[Boring people, oh, he sees how it is. Ned takes off his own hat as an afterthought, but he just drops it on a chair rather than get all delicate about it. Jacob is free to enjoy him running a hand through his hair while he waits for his drink.]

We'll see. You've got my attention, so far. [Spending Ned's money isn't that impressive all by itself. Ned picks up one of the glasses, taking a generous sip so it doesn't spill everywhere just on his short walk to the couch. Come here, impress him??]

[Jacob enjoys it enough that yet again, he's giving him a good long look instead of actually moving. And when he does move with his own glass, the train lurches forward and spills some of his own drink on his sleeve. He's a keeper, this one.]

Well I-- [There he grumbles, just shaking it off onto this nice carpet as he goes,] --am much more interesting than whatever pile of papers you've got back home.[Aaand he'll sit down beside Ned, casually leaning an arm over the side of the couch behind him like that didn't just happen.] And much nicer to look at.

[oh, honey]

Good thing I finished all that before I came here. [See, he was late because he didn't want to be distracted... Or he's a workaholic, whichever's easier. Now, as for his sloppy boy here,] Try to keep the rest of that in the glass.

[Or chug! Chugging champagne is always an option.] I like the train.

[Chugging champagne is definitely an option... here he went, getting it because it seemed all refined, and now he's going bottoms up. He shakes his head and wipes his mouth on his sleeve, but... it's the sleeve he'd spilled it on, then he has to wipe again with the other.

He's fancy train dating material, truly.] Yeah? I didn't want to disappoint the expert. [He pauses, then lowers his hand to lean forward with a lowered voice. They're alone, Jacob.] When Evie moves in with Greenie, I think Agnes will let us use the real deal the next... year you have time off.

[He's filthy, but Ned is still sitting here, charmed. That's probably because of how nice this train is and not because he's secretly into boys who wipe everything on their sleeves, though.]

Your sister gets married, and you get the wedding gift. [it's so nice, that train,] In that case, I'll be sure to find someone to fill in for a whole week. My schedule'll be all yours.

I get a wedding gift, then you marry the train. Then I'm all alone. [Jacob juts his lip out in a pout, leaning to set his glass aside before he got right back into Ned's space. He bumps knees with his cheeky little grin making its reappearance.]

And what will I do with the infamous Ned Wynert's free time? Would it be a crime to spend all of it only stealing kisses?

We can work something out. Share me. [With a train... What's stupid is how he might be a little serious about this. He sips his champagne, considering the pros and cons of knee bumps and kisses. He could spend the rest of the day staring out the window at the scenery, but that's a pretty tempting offer.]

Stealing's always a crime, Jacob. Think you're better at it than me?

[Share him with a train... Jacob shakes his head, taking a cursory glance out at the city sights passing by before he just settles back on Ned. The delusion he actually bought tickets for sight seeing was probably left at the station after the look on Ned's face.]

I know I'm better at it than you. [He drums his fingers on the couch, then drags them over Ned's shoulder to tug on the lapel of his suit, like it needs adjusting.] Usually get off scot free if I'm caught, too. Something about not being that bad after all.

[Share him with a train! It's very simple. Let him move in to the train, maybe.]

Your sister makes sure you don't get in too much trouble. [Doofus. Those big baby eyes can't charm the whole city, just a couple cops and rich people. And Ned, who brushes his hand away to move and set his glass aside. He leans back against Jacob's chest, getting comfortable before he looks up at him. Hey.] Come here.

[Kiss him... upside down!!!!]

Do not talk about my bloody sister on this train dinner date, Ned. [Jacob scrunches his nose in offense, but it his disgust doesn't last through Ned makes himself comfortable. He's back to his big dumb smile in seconds. Hey.]

You're ridiculously demanding. [He claims, actively leaning to kiss him upside down. He doesn't have to put his arm around Ned, but he's just so charming that Jacob winds up doing it anyway.]

[Ooh, attitude with his kisses, that's... that is something Ned is into, honestly. As evidenced by the smirk on his face before Jacob leans in to kiss him, lifting his hands to hold his face upside down too, while he's here. This was a great idea.

Still, can't have too many of his great ideas before somebody's neck starts to hurt, so he'll let go and settle in again, hand resting on top of Jacob's arm around him.] Anything else I'm not allowed to talk about? You better let me know up front, or I might not stop once I get going.

[Especially if he has five more drinks, which he might.]

You can go on for as long as you like, but I'm guaranteeing I won't fall asleep on you. [Again. He had before. He probably asked some polite question about the history of American trains and dozed when it was less about explosions than he'd imagined.]

Don't talk about Evie, Greenie... [If he's not going to be able to kiss Ned like this, he'll occupy himself with tugging on his tie like it's something that's got to go.] I can't think of anything that would absolutely kill the mood, really.

I can work with that. [Both of these things, actually. He can also think of half a dozen more people he shouldn't bring up for Jacob's sake all by himself, so- you're welcome, babe. Once again, he helpfully pulls the knot on his tie, leaving it hanging there rather than sit up and get rid of it properly. In a minute he'll move, take his jacket off, the works...]

So you're saying I should stick to talking about the train some more? [in d e t a i l]

What's that? I think... I think I'm falling asleep again, it's already sooo boring... [Jacob leans his head back and shuts his eyes, but his fake sleeping act is already ruined by the fact he can't stop grinning at his own joke. He tries for a whole thirty seconds before he breaks into a laugh.]

So long as you're the one talking about it, I think I'll live. [He'll even be productive by loosening the tie off entirely with one hand. He's so talented.]

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