[This is too sweet - Paolo shouldn't be this sweet, and Jindosh shouldn't be as endeared by him as he is. Paolo hinting about those things he didn't say before makes him falter, clearing his throat and looking away from his face to... to his shoulder. Perfect.]
I suppose that depends on how much of a clear answer you're expecting. [Which is as close to "I don't know what I'm doing" as he'll ever get, so appreciate that.]
It's terrible to have feelings. Jindosh frowns, more defensively than anything else, but he does manage to look Paolo in the face again. No hey. Don't hey him.]
If you look at me like that, I might. [now he's grumpy about Paolo making him feel things.] It wasn't anything, really, simply the... the way I feel with you here.
[Paolo's expecting some big secret with how long he's holding onto it, so when he hears comfortable... Well, he can't help but grin.]
You've been holding on out me because you're comfortable? [He teases, withdrawing a hand with a tap to his nose.] Of all the things Kirin Jindosh can't say, I'm shocked. What're you going to do if you fall in love with me?
[Jindosh ought to roll Paolo out of his bed and send him home right now, all things considered. He frowns again, brow furrowing at the poke to his nose - stop that? What was that for?]
You never fail to remind me why I'm hardly inspired to open my heart to such a hooligan. Falling in love with the most incorrigible man in Karnaca? [He scoffs, like that's surely impossible. Completely. This much is true: he is terrified.] Don't spoil the moment with your attitude.
[It should be Paolo's turn to frown, but he only chuckles and leans his head against Jindosh's. It isn't any less than what he braced himself for, so it's fine. His feelings aren't hurt.
They are a little. But it's fine.] I'm a hooligan that makes you comfortable. That's already a start, isn't it? [Oh, but he'll let him be, he guesses...] I've put my heart in your hands, Kirin. Physically. Figuratively. You can tell me if I make you feel anything as simple as comfortable.
[He's so close - too close, this much affection and honesty might make him say something more interesting than "comfortable," and it settles over Jindosh like a hundred tiny pinpricks. Uncomfortable.
His arm around Paolo's waist curls more snugly around him, holding him there securely. Secure, there's a word—too much and yet just right for the way he actually feels with Paolo beside him. He knows without remembering why that it has something to do with the time he wasn't well, and mercifully for both of them he's skipping the part where he denies anything he felt back then was actually himself.
He knows what he knows... That will do. So, pointedly casually, like he might as well be talking about the weather:] Safe and sound.
[Beat. Hm. Yes.] Rather than "comfortable," since you can't seem to get it out of your mouth.
[Stop teasing him!! he insists, right after saying something even gayer than "comfortable."]
[Paolo could tease him mercilessly to the point he's thrown out of bed. He had every opportunity to laugh off the tightness in his chest and ponder the coils around his heart later. But there's something about the word safe that drives off everything but the desire to keep him that way, to pull him closer, kiss him slower, tell him he feels the same and more.
A mild version of the latter will have to do. Jindosh was not in love with him, and he couldn't be so tender, so... vulnerable knowing that. However, he can look at him with more fondness that he'd only mustered when he'd been sleeping. There wasn't any restraint in the way he studied every feature of his face like he might wake up to find he never set foot in his mansion. Weeks have gone by, months if he counted the gap in memory, and yet it was still difficult to grasp that this was anything but a long nap before the violence started again.]
I'd get ten times the amount of stars on my back to keep it that way, Kirin. [He hadn't meant to sound as serious as he did, but god, he can't pull off the casual tone Jindosh confessed these things. He just hoped his lack of subtly was still charming.] If you ever feel anything but safe and sound, I come when you call. Always.
[Jindosh still thinks Paolo is too close. He must be, the way Jindosh can't force himself to focus on anything else, the way his heart thuds desperately against his ribs to hear what Paolo has to say about his own comments. He's considering regretting it and saying something else to cover himself the whole time Paolo just looks at him - he is not accustomed to feelings - and the relief that spreads through him when Paolo's words sink in is immediate. It's alright then—to be safe and sound with this man. To lay here and say that, and tell him to be his, and say everything involved with being in love with him besides I love you.
One step at a time. This has happened quickly - somewhat, he thinks, but there are still those things he can't remember - but he frowns slightly again out of nerves. And, well... he probably can't bring himself to cut into Paolo on his laboratory tables again. A perfectly good experiment ruined by sex and emotions! Ugh!!]
Always, [he repeats, thinking about it. Always, always... What would it be like to wake up with Paolo in the mornings, the way ordinary people who are maybe-maybe-not-in-love do? Other than the fact that he'd get less work done. He leans in the last little amount to kiss Paolo himself, since Paolo is just not doing it for some reason. He has the words for everything but this, so this will have to do.] I should hope so, or I'd have to turn you out before morning.
[Paolo had it in him to go on if need be. He'd elaborate on everything he would do for Jindosh, as long of a list that might be. He'd tell him he could do what he will with him, sharp knives or words, and he'd keep coming back no matter the pain. But he's relieved to find he's closed the gap for him. Not only that, he's joking with him. Or... at least he hopes he is.]
You wouldn't. [He says, smiling against his lips before taking another kiss.] 's only a few hours til I'm out of your hair. Maybe you'll actually work, instead of finding excuses to kiss me. [He's the one did that, but details. Keep kissing him.]
[That's it, Paolo is dumped. Already. Jindosh raises an eyebrow at him, sighing as he does indeed lean to kiss him again. This is the fastest way to shut Paolo up, while he searches for words that won't make him sound like an idiot about all this.]
Think of the work I could get done before morning. [But he punctuates this with another kiss, so he's not throwing Paolo out tonight, it seems.] And without you crawling into my lap like a puppy, jealous of my notes. It would be remarkable.
[Hmm. He sighs shortly.] But I do like you, and I haven't the slightest idea what's become of your suit. So you will have to wait.
[Again with the puppy. He's not a dog!! He thinks, as he seeks another kiss with a laugh.] If you're going to hold me hostage with my suit, I might have no other choice. Make you write notes about me.
[Ugh. The Howlers are going to give him so much shit when they find out he's been saying things like this. When, not if, because someone will spill. He wonders why he even bothers, but...] I do need to leave tomorrow, Kirin. Don't get all sweet and make me change my mind; I'll be back before you know it.
How is it possible that you still think I'm sweet? [Don't answer that, he knows... It's that love thing again. He traces a lazy pattern on Paolo's hip with his finger. Hmm.]
In the morning, your criminal empire will be waiting. And your suit. You have no reason to fret about that. [softie....]
[Criminal empire. He could try and argue that, say he just had favors to keep up with, spend time with his people and make sure they were safe. But he'll let Jindosh form whatever ideas he wants and see if it's enough to make him want to come over.]
Look forward to seeing you more. [He sighs as if this is the worst thing in the world, shifting down to lean his head against Jindosh's chest like the night before.] You better eat while I'm gone...
You look like someone who eats a single piece of toast on the most important meal of the day. [Is he though? Paolo is unsure.] I could pick you up with one arm.
[That might be true, but he's really not accounting for the height difference there. He's tiny...]
One. [He's honest, at least. Well--] One person I'd tell. Then that's not counting her uh... partners she'd slip it to, who would... and not to mention Byrne's always trying to get into my business, Luca asks questions...
[That doesn't sound great. He should still come visit him.] It won't be the whole District. Promise.
[That's so much gutter gossip... Jindosh sighs, squeezing his hold around Paolo tighter as if to say that he probably doesn't mind. Not entirely. As long as no one comes trying to speak to him about it, he won't mind much.]
Then I will assume that by the time you return, half the district will have heard. [So much faith.]
That sounds about right. [He'll admit it, since there's just no point in lying. Paolo lays an arm over him, slipping his hand under Jindosh's shirt to trace his fingers over the small of his back.]
It's like I said. Anybody that come at your door is a dead man, but you don't really need my help in that department. [With you know. Those things that stabbed him the first time he showed up.]
[Jindosh shouldn't be so satisfied with just a simple touch, but against all odds he practically melts into Paolo at that one. Not in the same way Paolo goes to pieces over being touched, but—relaxing. He's relaxed.
Ignore that, ignore everything about the way his seemingly ever-present tension starts to unwind at once. Don't say anything.] No, I don't. Only two people have ever managed to reach me, even when I leave the door unlocked.
[Be proud of yourself, babe!! Jindosh is proud of his murder machines.]
[He won't say anything, but he does keep his fingers there, running his fingers along his spine. He's spent hours and hours looking at this man, yet he doesn't look at him any less fondly.
He is proud of himself for getting that far.] Nobody else deserves to get that far... even if I uh, cheated.
[Well it feels nice and Paolo doesn't immediately make him get defensive over his reaction, so - this is allowed. Jindosh can stay relaxed like this, and everything.]
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I suppose that depends on how much of a clear answer you're expecting. [Which is as close to "I don't know what I'm doing" as he'll ever get, so appreciate that.]
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An unclear answer is better than none, Kirin. But you don't have to tell me.
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It's terrible to have feelings. Jindosh frowns, more defensively than anything else, but he does manage to look Paolo in the face again. No hey. Don't hey him.]
If you look at me like that, I might. [now he's grumpy about Paolo making him feel things.] It wasn't anything, really, simply the... the way I feel with you here.
[A long beat. Urgh.] S— Comfortable.
["Comfortable" is fair.]
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You've been holding on out me because you're comfortable? [He teases, withdrawing a hand with a tap to his nose.] Of all the things Kirin Jindosh can't say, I'm shocked. What're you going to do if you fall in love with me?
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You never fail to remind me why I'm hardly inspired to open my heart to such a hooligan. Falling in love with the most incorrigible man in Karnaca? [He scoffs, like that's surely impossible. Completely. This much is true: he is terrified.] Don't spoil the moment with your attitude.
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They are a little. But it's fine.] I'm a hooligan that makes you comfortable. That's already a start, isn't it? [Oh, but he'll let him be, he guesses...] I've put my heart in your hands, Kirin. Physically. Figuratively. You can tell me if I make you feel anything as simple as comfortable.
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His arm around Paolo's waist curls more snugly around him, holding him there securely. Secure, there's a word—too much and yet just right for the way he actually feels with Paolo beside him. He knows without remembering why that it has something to do with the time he wasn't well, and mercifully for both of them he's skipping the part where he denies anything he felt back then was actually himself.
He knows what he knows... That will do. So, pointedly casually, like he might as well be talking about the weather:] Safe and sound.
[Beat. Hm. Yes.] Rather than "comfortable," since you can't seem to get it out of your mouth.
[Stop teasing him!! he insists, right after saying something even gayer than "comfortable."]
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A mild version of the latter will have to do. Jindosh was not in love with him, and he couldn't be so tender, so... vulnerable knowing that. However, he can look at him with more fondness that he'd only mustered when he'd been sleeping. There wasn't any restraint in the way he studied every feature of his face like he might wake up to find he never set foot in his mansion. Weeks have gone by, months if he counted the gap in memory, and yet it was still difficult to grasp that this was anything but a long nap before the violence started again.]
I'd get ten times the amount of stars on my back to keep it that way, Kirin. [He hadn't meant to sound as serious as he did, but god, he can't pull off the casual tone Jindosh confessed these things. He just hoped his lack of subtly was still charming.] If you ever feel anything but safe and sound, I come when you call. Always.
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One step at a time. This has happened quickly - somewhat, he thinks, but there are still those things he can't remember - but he frowns slightly again out of nerves. And, well... he probably can't bring himself to cut into Paolo on his laboratory tables again. A perfectly good experiment ruined by sex and emotions! Ugh!!]
Always, [he repeats, thinking about it. Always, always... What would it be like to wake up with Paolo in the mornings, the way ordinary people who are maybe-maybe-not-in-love do? Other than the fact that he'd get less work done. He leans in the last little amount to kiss Paolo himself, since Paolo is just not doing it for some reason. He has the words for everything but this, so this will have to do.] I should hope so, or I'd have to turn you out before morning.
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You wouldn't. [He says, smiling against his lips before taking another kiss.] 's only a few hours til I'm out of your hair. Maybe you'll actually work, instead of finding excuses to kiss me. [He's the one did that, but details. Keep kissing him.]
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Think of the work I could get done before morning. [But he punctuates this with another kiss, so he's not throwing Paolo out tonight, it seems.] And without you crawling into my lap like a puppy, jealous of my notes. It would be remarkable.
[Hmm. He sighs shortly.] But I do like you, and I haven't the slightest idea what's become of your suit. So you will have to wait.
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[Ugh. The Howlers are going to give him so much shit when they find out he's been saying things like this. When, not if, because someone will spill. He wonders why he even bothers, but...] I do need to leave tomorrow, Kirin. Don't get all sweet and make me change my mind; I'll be back before you know it.
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In the morning, your criminal empire will be waiting. And your suit. You have no reason to fret about that. [softie....]
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Look forward to seeing you more. [He sighs as if this is the worst thing in the world, shifting down to lean his head against Jindosh's chest like the night before.] You better eat while I'm gone...
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I eat. What kind of nonsense is that? Do I look like I'm wasting away to you?
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[That might be true, but he's really not accounting for the height difference there. He's tiny...]
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Do refrain from trying to prove yourself. [Hmph...] I don't need you mothering me. I daresay that's inappropriate for our... for us.
[He's new at relationships, pardon him.]
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And I can... say that, if I wanted. Us. To people. Outside. [He's 12.]
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Hmm. Yes. [a beat] How many of your people are interested...?
[If it's going to be like nobility gossip but dirtier, it will take him even longer to come visit.]
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[That doesn't sound great. He should still come visit him.] It won't be the whole District. Promise.
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Then I will assume that by the time you return, half the district will have heard. [So much faith.]
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It's like I said. Anybody that come at your door is a dead man, but you don't really need my help in that department. [With you know. Those things that stabbed him the first time he showed up.]
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Ignore that, ignore everything about the way his seemingly ever-present tension starts to unwind at once. Don't say anything.] No, I don't. Only two people have ever managed to reach me, even when I leave the door unlocked.
[Be proud of yourself, babe!! Jindosh is proud of his murder machines.]
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He is proud of himself for getting that far.] Nobody else deserves to get that far... even if I uh, cheated.
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So did the other one. [dark times,] You learned.
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